Had to finally put down my wired 360 controller that i've been using for like 15 years. Bro was family. I don't even feel like throwing it away, I gotta bury this thing.

They call me white Morgan Freeman

Jacking off while Pompeii was exploding must have felt so good

I need a knight to joust me in the liver as soon as is reasonable

Giving my chud son another canister of Galaxy Gas

Pussy that looks like an H.R. Geiger painting

Performing Chinese penis torture on Jordan Peterson

Fred Fields, Mindflayer, 1992

according to the instagram algorithm i am an absolute goon wizard

Loosing both testicles and my Mountain Dew Xbox in a game of Cee-lo

Conjuring locust plagues above D.O.G.E headquarters

pulled apart by 4 cybertrucks would be the funniest way for him to go, i think

Letting my homunculus join the goonsesh

Plugging my gunshot wounds with the ShamWow

Crane kicking myself in the dick

Applying my freshly gooned jizz to my epidermis

Need a woman who will punch me in the liver and steal all my money

Loosing both testicles and my Mountain Dew Xbox in a game of Cee-lo

The only way to save America is to introduce Trump to Balatro

Only those who have had true divine revelations will know that Jesus wasn't white, black or middle eastern but instead Chinese

Bringing these on my trip to Paris

Pimping out my grandma's ashes

Cooked up straight fire while geeking out

High on edibles signing financial documents

Funneling drywall into my pussy

Asking the omitting nurse if he'd rather fight 8 Trump sized Hitlers or 10 Hitler sized Trumps

Being racially insensitive on the lunar surface

De-flowering my crunch wrap supreme

My orb finally arrived!

Mailing soyjacks to all of my local politicians

Knitting my pubes into a loincloth

Brandishing my scrod in the pizza line

I talked to God last night and apparently every ant goes directly to hell, every last one

Few pleasures greater than walking in time with a Primus song

I don't for sure know if PQQ makes that much of a difference, but it's pink and I think I can run a little faster so I think I'll keep spending my hard earned cash on it

My orb finally arrived!

Asking the hooker for more teeth

Shot putting poop onto the white house

They're calling 2025 the year of the jester

Shitting bricks then building a beautiful little cottage

Sending 50 different pictures of my dick at various angles directly to the CCP

At the mar-a-lago brapping up a storm

Giving the Pale Crawlers I found in the Uintas 50mg edibles

trying to give my data to the ccp and they won't send me a verification text

Is it bio-terrorism if I if open a jar of mosquitoes in Elon Musk's estate in an effort to give him Malaria?

On da bus feeling like I want to do karate and shit