Not now

Kimmel thing extremely bad. Unrelated: so, what he fake hated Matt Damon? And that was it? And people loved it?

When Charlie Kirk died all Trump could think about was the chicken tender bowl/soda cup at Yankee Stadium but when Stan Chera got covid he didn’t talk or tuck in his shirt for 5 days. Weird guy.

punching at the ball to cause a fumble should be illegal and a 15 yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. i promise you the game would greatly improve

So I guess this doesn’t work huh

Time to play photo hunt!!!

Do not let anything distract you from your waivers bids. It’s time to lock in

love seeing aaron rodgers sacked on his first drop back. unfortunately it appears he was not instantly killed. but its only the first quarter. lots of time left for him to have his neck bent backwards like a crazy straw

Already mad at the Red Zone guy

Temple Grandin watching me through a 2 way mirror as i go chimp mode flipping out switching between redzone and multiple game broadcasts

Too much fighting @nfl

If I was a disgraced fantasy author I would be Neil Gameon because I’m going to put the game on

What JD Vance imagines will happen versus what will happen.

I take extreme damage from adults using the word “yummy”

People at the laundromat love to dry their clothes on high for 210 minutes

How did the Instagram algo know about my lackluster scythe??

12:15 pm: hell yes football is back. The wait is over and I am loving it 1:00 pm: referees should be systematically gassed

I guess the concept of Smell-o-vision is generally impractical but if they invented it and broadcast like The Piss Channel my dog would love it and that in turn would make me very happy

If only there was some way to prevent subway congestion. But there is no way to avoid scheduled transit on rails from bunching up and bumping into each other

Every time somebody says this shit. Better go 80 in a 55 just in case someone’s preteens got struck by lightning. Every furious guy wearing Oakleys driving a Ford F-150 is pregnant. Ok

if you need to think long and hard and arrive at "i bet raw milk psychos are actually good souls, and i am good for seeing that", then you're stupid! simple as: stupid

I genuinely love driving slow on the highway. I love keeping my loved ones safe while also making the most angry and aggressive people on planet earth have a brain aneurism at 52 mph

Screencapped to circumvent the coward’s block

Wrong. All people like this think they are smarter than everyone else and would be delighted for the rest of us idiots drinking our poison pasteurized milk to drop dead

Going to need more information about these New York bankers. Can you perhaps draw me a cartoon of the bankers. Perhaps emphasizing any prominent differentiating features

Hell yes brother

This is one of the dumbest posts I have ever seen lol

Well it happened. I went to Europe for a week and ate a bunch of good food and walked 40x more than I normally do and lost a couple pounds. And so naturally I am going to freak the fuck out

DONALD: They say enigmas never age. So may every day be another wonderful secret…but how did you hear about that? NARDWUAR: You are President Donald Trump, we HAVE to know!

It’s so funny when something happens like the president gets caught sending a wax mold of his nutsack to a children hospital and everyone is going ape online but one guy is still posting about like, Medicaid cuts. Yeah we know it’s bad still, take a lap man

It’s so funny to be this coy and then put a drawing of giganto honkers next to it

"Ah, I regret drawing those huge knockers in marker under the little play i wrote starring me and my friend" - POTUS

Yes, I have a question for the Congressman. Yes, it is about the hat.

The president asked Rep. HeeHaw Hamsandwich (R - Hog’s Gulch) if firing Jerome Powell was a good idea and you’ll never guess what he said

You don’t need to eat protein supplements. You get enough protein

Lol

Ugh!

No movie or television show of the past several years has moved me quite like the Credelio Quattro dog medicine commercial. This is the artistic ray of light in a dark period for our world www.youtube.com/watch?v=yp6h...

My life is in turmoil after it was discovered that I wrote “Jamaican me crazy” on my college application under the box I checked for ‘Chinese’

AAA used to be a thing where if your car was dead they would come out and fix it. Now it’s a thing where you request service on the internet and that’s all that happens

I need some kind of Zohran NY Jets T-shirt. I don’t even know what that would be. But I need it and I need some guy from Bay Ridge to see it and become irate

People love going crazy over this shit but it’s just one dork who had this idea and the Times extrapolated it to “democrats” because they know people love going crazy over this shit

The national debt is so stupid “ooohhh im in debt to myself!” No you aren’t, grow up

Pretzels are so good and it’s because they’re dipped in lye. So why aren’t we dipping more shit in lye

I guess the Zohran opposition plan is “keep telling New Yorkers they are antisemitic even though they disagree and are obviously rankled by the accusations”. Pretty good plan

ME (CEO of PointFront Realty Trust, New York’s third largest commercial and multifamily housing REIT): As we all know, Zohran’s policies simply make no sense…

The person who was the least insane and annoying about last nights results was actually Andrew Cuomo, probably because he did not want to be the mayor at all

Shut the hell up man. God

Basic administrative aspects like saying “swagguh” at a Turkish nightclub