me when i get shot

Everyone knows that space was made up by Big Globe to sell more round. #SWLRP

The key word in the phrase 'Benevolent conspiracy' is 'benevolent.' The ones that aren't benevolent end up in email dumps with molotovs being thrown at their houses. I say this right now for no particular reason, whatsoever. #SWLRP

Attention all agents: King Kugel has been spotted on L17. Floors 12-25 are currently on lockdown. Your orders are to shoot on sight. I repeat: Shoot on sight. Containment teams have been dispatched, magicians en route. This is not a drill. #SWLRP

Some random hobo in California the minute my team gets done seeding fake meteor fragments in Texas: #SWLRP

I get ya'll wanna make fun of chuds, but if ya'll decide you'd rather make fun of the chuds than stay strapped, we're not gonna bail you out when the literal demon worshipping psychopaths who run the mundy gov get handsy. Benevolent conspiracies are only so benevolent. #SWLRP

Today's Color out of Space is: Milk-and-Water If you notice a lone skull on the side of the road, listen close for the sound of clicking. The spring thaw will sometimes reveal the remains of missing persons lost in the snow... its also when skullriders are the most hungry. #swlrp

Today's color out of space is: Sable If you notice a strange looking flock of birds in the distance moving much too close to the ground, get inside immediately. Nobody wants to run afoul of a flock of Tuyul. #SWLRP

Today's Color out of Space is: Medallion Whats old is new, again. In Jurassic park, they cloned dinosaurs from a mosquito trapped in amber. What will they clone from a technofossil? Best not to ask. Avoid junkyards for the next 48 hours. #SWLRP

Oh, also, Happy Cordova Ice Worm day, everyone! #SWLRP

People really out here answering emails from any random asshole, huh? Do none of you quality screen these motherfuckers? No wonder we have kompromat on all of you. Jesus christ. #SWLRP

w00t! Heartbreaker #SecretWorldLegends run is finished!

Today's Color out of Space is: Lovat The room feels cluttered, but you can't bring yourself to throw anything away. Where did you even get all this stuff, anyway? Was it always like this? Be on the lookout for false friends... they're anything but friendly. #SWLRP

They're insisting that mutual aid is a sign of some large dark money network because a lot of them cannot imagine giving something to strangers for free

Today's Color out of Space is: Greige They say there's no straight lines in nature, but this is patently false. In fact, there seem to be even more straight lines, lately. Avoid direct eye contact with the sentient polyhedrons. They hate having to explain themselves. #SWLRP

Whiteout teams, be advised, we're expecting a larger than usual number of snow serpents moving with the storm. All units are expected to prioritize defending Shael and Sol tier assets. Brute Resources is already seeding countermeasures for Dol and lower tiers. PR will wipe down the rest. #SWLRP

If they don't end up dead, we usually shunt our least promising candidates off into federal agencies to offload the hassle of dealing with their incompetence while still making them feel special, but even our worst prospects aren't bad enough to end up in THAT federal agency. #SWLRP

Just gonna throw it out there that we're well aware of exactly what you took while everyone was distracted, and we highly recommend you put it back. You probably know why, by now. #SWLRP

HAPPY NEW YEAR, #SECRETWORLDLEGENDS SWEETLINGS.

Much as I would have preferred that Times Square nonsense hadn't happened, seeing how shit the QBL building's remodel ended up always makes me laugh. Like, we didn't even do that. That L was all theirs. #SWLRP

This year, Magus Abendroth will be leading the 'Letting the Old Year Out' ceremony at the obsidian gate at precisely 12:01 AM. Additionally, Director De La Guardia will be leading the "Machine Gunning the Old Year" ceremony, starting promptly at 12:05 AM. BYOMG. #SWLRP

Section 12, 14, and 29, please report to Audit room J-15 for briefing. Once again, I am reminding you not to bring anything with you that measures time. We do not need another New Years Eve temporal paradox on our hands. The one from last year is still looping in containment. #SWLRP

You FUCKED UP, your LEFTY politics have ALIENATED the BILLIONAIRES who run the CHILD BONE EXTRACTION FACTORIES and now they will do a MASS EXODUS from your STATE or CITY. Don’t CRY to ME when you no longer see their CHILD CATCHING VANS in your STATE or CITY, YOU IDIOT

Today's Color out of Space is: Cosmic Latte Klüver Constant is expected to be less constant for the next 48 hours. Beware of lattice formations beneath your eyelids; the longer they're there, the more likely something will climb them. #SWLRP

((The work continues. New additions to my SWL inspired playlist include Made By Tsuki, Aesthetic Perfection, Memphis May Fire, and Wage War! #SWLRP )) open.spotify.com/playlist/51U...

Don't worry about the continued consolidation of megacorps. We'll make sure all the kids play nice. Scout's honor. #SWLRP

I feel like I should brush up on my pole vaulting skills so I can stay on the rocks. #SWLRP

It's official!!! @secretworldlegends.bsky.social @funcom.com www.speedrun.com/Secret_World...

The vibe in the club RN #SWLRP

Merry Samhain, sweetlings! A jumpscare for those unaware: Secret World Legends’ Samhain 2025 event has been quietly extended and is now ending on 19 November 2025 at 12:00:00 PM EST (17:00:00 UTC)! If you have a broken "The Broadcast - Tier Three" and haven't petitioned yet, petition ASAP!

A sentient soundbite has escaped into the air ducts on L33. Vents have been sealed and its currently trapped in section 6. Shelter in place; Applied Memetics has a handler coming down to scoop it back up. #SWLRP

If you ever had any doubt as to why we have to run the show, around here, just look at how many people are convinced that free bus fare will end civilization as we know it. #SWLRP

The FAA won't notice for obvious reasons, but some of you might. Try not to pay any attention the unusual air activity over western PA for a few hours. We're gonna be doing some... maneuvers. Yeah, we'll go with that. #swlrp

Thought it would never happen... The return of the Haunted Ealdwic Ghost Tour! This Saturday 1 Nov 9 PM EDT. Join me behind the Horned God and come in costume/fancy dress. safetynotguaranteed

First day as a vampire hunter: This is easy lol First night as a vampire hunter: oh no

Today's color out of Space is: Bistre The apotropaic uses of Jack-o-Lanterns are widely understood... Less widely understood? If you spot a trail of burned out Jack-O-Lanterns over the next few days, follow it. It never walks the same path twice, and you don't wanna be on it's next route. #SWLRP

Field Office MMT-2145 is on lockdown. Most of the time when people say 'word vomit' they mean someone won't shut up. In this case, someone read something they shouldn't and now its very, very literal. Could have gone my whole life without seeing that, if I'm being honest. #SWLRP

Making every new field agent I'm assigned do an all endings marathon of 'The Lacerator' before every mission until they stop coming back in pieces. #SWLRP #Bestpractices

When the Bone Mason asks if he can have some bones, he's gonna tell you he'll only take tiny ones you won't miss. I've got a foot thick file over here that says you absolutely WILL miss them. Act accordingly. #SWLRP

Garcon Bleu - 04 #SecretWorldLegends - French Language Client - ability damage from movement abilities only twitch.tv/jimmytherabbit youtube.com/jimmytherabbit

If I had a dime for every [location]'s beach horror I had to face off with, I'd have a negligibly more bottomless bank account. #swlrp

'Tis the season. Oh wait.

"You wouldn't hit a man with glasses, would you?" Motherfucker, I'll punch a baby into orbit if I need to. Don't confuse my being polite with a lack of acumen. Don't get all satan-y on me and I will stay perfectly chill. #SWLRP