When you think about it, aren't we all low-level staffers posting racist memes?

Feeling cute. Might fuck around and shoot acid into my penis later

I can only assume that the fuck ice chants at tonight's wrestling show were directed towards WCW legend Glacier. Shame on all of you.

And if any Democrat is interested in not having elections stolen with ICE’s help as planned by degenerate Epstein pal Steve Bannon, you might wanna stop pleading and mewling to the fascist enemy and use all your levers of power NOW. We could use some fucking help, frankly. bsky.app/profile/iwil...

Dear Strong Bad Tell Jeffrey to invite me to his island With crap, E-Dog

Is this so they can jerk off to their own footage after the murders

So now there are four Satellites of Love just floating around ip there? Man, for a show that says it's just a show and I should really just relax, this is getting into MCU continuity headache territory

If we all played a "Count the number of times a Fox News host or guest/podcaster/influencer/US politican doesn't know/forgets Puerto Ricans are American" drinking game tomorrow, we'll all be hammered by 5.

Things I'm glad I never bothered to get into: -Harry Potter -TikTok -Hunting the world's most dangerous game....MAN

Must be weird to be in the White House Press Corp, to gaggle in the briefing room or travel on Air Force One and respectfully ask polite questions about economic issues and foreign policy to a child rapist.

Hi kids, I'm Melania, star of the hit film, Melania. You may not be able to see my hit film Melania in theaters for much longer, but you know who you can always see? Jesus.

Elon Musk will return in: Epstein: Doomsday

I'm also a scowling void of pure nothingness

So are the Epstein files a distraction from arresting journalists? I'm losing track

The most surprising thing about Melania is she's played by Daniel Radcliffe...man, that guy can play anyone!

See? When he starts talking about the space lasers, that's when you can call it a distraction. Not when thugs are killing people on the streets. I hope this helps.

See, the “immigration crisis,” “border emergency” etc - it’s 100% made up. There is NO crisis except panicked, violently racist white people. That’s it. All this suffering and death is caused by that and only by that. The rest is bullshit: an excuse to grab power by a white supremacist regime.

Let me help you out, man

The world is fucking on fucking fire. Please enjoy this picture of Don Adams from an episode of Celebrity Bowling before we all die horribly.

I'm gonna violently fart on all you wieners. @cbsnews.com Brought to you by Bank of America and my big shart filled ass.

Just think....somewhere, someone just added the lyrics "Greg Bovino, really short, New version of Night Court" to their updated We Didn't Start the Fire draft

If you thought Kanye's apology ad in the Wall Street Journal was wild, just wait for mine. I'm just.....like the fucking worst.

Saying All the Slurs Saturday with Tony Dokoupil

Sure TikTok is already censoring videos and deleting accounts, but Ellson only wants Warner Bros because he cares so deeply about the theater going experience. Honest!

Remember how after every cop shooting, even it's staunchest defenders would admit there's a few bad apples and literally no one's been doing that now? It's like it's only bad apples in this bunch or something.....

I'm just an outside observer far away from Minnesota so forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn, but I think the people trying to stop the race war because their own state and city gave up on them would like a break

If you all want to start calling me T-Bone, it's a little weird, but ok.

Honey! The weatherman keeps saying we should look out for frozen water deposits! Do we have frozen water deposits? Where are they? You're supposed to deposit money, not water! My wife, she's so crazy but I love her!

Bitch, I've played Earthbound and Mother 3. Trees EXPLODE. They just do.

Child Trafficking Tuesdays with Tony Dokoupil

Bluesky amazingly hasn't labeled any of my posts replying to @cbsnews.com as threats. It's like you haven't even smelt any of my farts

Tired: Election doomerism Wired: America's getting nuked and we fucking deserve it doomerism

There isn't enough tv actresses from the 70s asking if I want to make more money and then reassuring me that we all do on television these days

Chuck Schumer only has time to deal with one race war: The eternal battle between white eggs and brown eggs.

Meth Monday with Tony Dokoupil

So @cbsnews.com caved and will air the prison thing. You can thank me for all the Farts That Matter posts. I'm an American hero and deserve a parade.

You ever think Howard "Screamed once" Dean or the lady that had to do that commercial where she said she wasn't a witch look at today's political climate and just....their eyes glaze over?

I know these Farts That Matter posts don't accomplish anything, but I hope they give the intern who runs the @cbsnews.com account and is miserable a good #chuckle. My brother in Christ, you are seen and loved.

I'd rather Zombie Walter Cronkite violently fart on Tony Dokoupil, live on my new @cbsnews.com show Farts That Matter. Live audience, debate, the unbearable stench of the farts of the undead. Brought to you by Bank of America and #freedrusforwienerkids

Doo dah Doo dah

Do farts cause internal bleeding? Tonight on @cbsnews.com Farts That Matter, we violently fart on Tony Dokoupil to find out. Farts That Matter. Live audience. Debate. Skid marks. Brought to you by Bank of America and #freedrugsforwienerkids

Our brand new Eyeball ep is here! Please share with everyone you know! open.spotify.com/album/4lOS8c...

"God damn it, Gordon. You called me 999 times today. My answer is still no I won't marry you and no matter what you say on the 1000th call, it ain't changing" "What if I change my name to that thing bees do?" "...I don't hate it......."

I'm sure the man who celebrated getting the "I learned to use the fryer and only burned myself twice" pin at McDonalds will treat the Nobel Prize with the solemn dignity it deserves

Yes @governorwalz.mn.gov They just need to get their race war out of their system! They'll tucker out!

the people of MN have been murdered, brutalized and kidnapped for weeks now and have remained *amazingly* peaceful in the face of it. lecturing citizens to not “take the bait” etc is pretty disrespectful after a point and avoids the real question: how long are they supposed to take this, undefended?

Awww @cbsnews.com, ratings stink? Should've picked up my show Farts That Matter, where I fart on people who deserve to be farted on. Mostly people who work for @cbsnews.com Farts That Matter. Live discussion, debate, stained undies. Brought to you by Bank of America and #freedrugsforwienerkids

Hey hey, we're the Beatles....people say we Beatle around...but we're too busy Beatlin'.....to Beatle Beatle Beatle

If this is indeed Aaron Rodgers's last game, I'm happy that I at least got to see one of the best quarterbacks to ever play go out scoring 14 points for the wrong team like a fucking bitch like he deserves