YET. To the lab, gentlemen!!!

This is just daring Axl to release Use Your Illusion 3, 4, and 5

If I die....tell my wife....Mario 2 isn't a real Mario game.....

Ladies and gentlemen we got him

I hate that one YouTube music bed track that's like "Dunh...dunh dunh....dunh dunh dunh....doo doo doo, doo doo doo". You know the one.

[P} feeling kinda attacked, honestly

These "The character's public domain now" horror movies are getting stupider and stupider......

Happy Mayio Day!

OK, gang! It's Saturday night, I've got some black tar heroin, a dozen kittens, and a starter pistol. But first, a word from today's sponsor, Underdog Fantasy.....

Bobby the Brain Heenan, Jimmy Mouth of the South Hart, Jesse the Body Ventura, Mortimer The Penis Tolliver

We bought a zoo and meth

Less strong republican party, more Strong Bad Emails!

The Gaseous Weiner walked so the We're trying to Find the Guy Who Did This guy could run

Still God Tier

So he was on MTV and her friends all had tickets to Sk8er Boi's show and they didn't even tell Sk8er Girl? Dick move, Sk8er Girl's friends. You don't need them.

There's going to be a Met Gala, a Red Sox Gala, and a Phillie Gala this year because they all suck

Happy Star Wars Day, baby Jesus

Bluesky Date: Do you like it? Me: Yeah, I love Chinese food. It’s great. Bluesky Date: So you hate Japanese food? Me: Wha? Bluesky Date: And Japanese people obviously Mel: That’s not what…. Bluesky Date: Pol Pot did nothing wrong

9/11 is back and seeking revenge

I keep getting the Maine Nazi and that one AI company confused and I refuse to learn the difference

No....no you can't swear on this podcast! In fact, I'm offended you'd even ask. Get out, heathen!

Grogu is one of those pokeymen right?

Minnesota deserves nice things

Go ahead and come after me, DOJ, I don’t care, I’m going to say it: 86 99

BreaKing: Tommy Tutone prosecuted for threatening to 86-75309

It's weird how If They Mated became Conan's first breakout bit because I wouldn't even put it in his top 20

You may have a big ballroom, and they may have a bigger ballroom, but remember, AC/DC has the biggest ballroom of them all.

EXCLUSIVE shot of Wolf Blitzer before shots ran out

Relax...it was just Reggie Jackson trying to kill the queen again

Inside you, there are two wolves. A wolf's life expectancy is max 15 years. Get those dead wolves removed. You're starting to smell like dead wolf.

Jay Leno is such a piece of shit that I bet his giving Conan the Tonight Show only to stab him in the back was all an elaborate decade long revenge plan for Actual Items. That'll show you for taking my bit and actually making it funny!

Apologies for no new episode of the podcast this week, gang. Turns out my co-host is a real piece of shit

Farts farts farts bloody fart farts farts bloody fart fart poop @cbsnews.com

Why the hell is everyone talking about that John Travolta angel movie all the sudden?

Progressive has it's own cinematic universe now. Let poor Flo retire!

"in ten years, AI will be basically everywhere" it already is everywhere, and everyone fucking hates it. shut the fuck up. terms of service yourself, dog cunt.

What’s all this fuss I keep hearing about the straight of whore moose??

It's fun blaming Katy Perry for everything

If you can't see my sexy sexy naked body in this post, Bluesky is broken again. But if not, enjoy

Happy 4/20! For you dumb dumb children, 420 is 67 for old people

Please stop quoting my old YouTube videos and Twitch streams at me. I don't remember every single thing I've ever said in my life, and I certainly don't remember calling for mass puppy slaughter or what context it possibly could have been said in.

Fellas, looking to impress that certain someone? Light the candles, have a romantic dinner, grab them tight and whisper that special something in their ear: "They made a Marmaduke movie...I'm not the only one who remembers this, right?"

The only thing I have to say about the Geese situation is Geese is a band name that definitively proves we're running out of band names

Look....Bluesky just can't handle my sexiness. I don't know what to tell you

Maxxmaxxing

I'll take on all popes. Come at me, bros.

This wouldn't happen if the Young Pope was still around

Can HBO book Vance on Bill Maher?

was once New Amsterdam.

Fuck: Wendy Marry: Grimace Avoid: The Noid