Set a pan on fire the day after Thanksgiving- luckily only a curtain was permanently damaged, but I could use some good luck if anyone has some to spare because if anything else goes wrong in the next week I’m gonna have myself a merry little breakdown 🎄

Cowboy threadfic in progress. 🤠

Feeling sad and disconnected and sorry for myself, so anyone wanna throw me a premise for a quick thread fic? You are also allowed to bully me about any existing WIPs if I’ve not been away long enough that they’re forgotten. 😅

You wanna know how I can tell we’re probably not getting a bonus this year? This is the level of TP we’re dealing with in the office…

A cat is the only roommate that can lick their own butthole on your kitchen table and not get kicked out.

Turns out there is not a hot enough shower temperature that my current hot water heater allows that can cook and fizzle the sadness in my brain away like a steaming hot stew.

Today sucks

We are putting my dog to sleep today and I am not coping well. Send love?

First thing I saw upon looking at IG today… thank you @starswallow.bsky.social for your summoning!

i will never know bliss until ive suckled ketchup straight from one of these

Grape Nuts (holding me back): Whoa whoa whoa, hey man, just let it go! This asshole isn't worth it!

Meeting with current team leader about my job offer in the other group… they’re probably going to counter offer but I need to stay strong and go with the new opportunity so wish me luck and coherent thoughts that I can get to come out of my mouth to explain that effectively… send blorbos to help??

Do they have circles on here yet? I’m too preoccupied to look properly.

My #Ouizzy headcanon is that Izzy gives Frenchie a blowjob for the first time and it is transcendental. The lad becomes a sex pest- following close behind him all day, trying to get him alone, groping him in dark corners of the ship, begging for another go.

If Trump decides to tear down the entire White House & replace it with a bouncy castle filled with diarrhea, no one is going to stop him. They'll all stand there, wringing their hands & be all 'oh, if only someone had done something, we'd have a White House instead of the King's Shit Bounce House'.

I’m case you didn’t know, this is my favorite joke of all time😂😂😂

They offered me the job, ya’ll. Now to see if my current group tries to match. Anxious… send confident blorbos for me to model from plz

Some people may only need a beta, but I need a bully. I wish I had a working brain.🫠 (This is not about a/b/o but it could be.)

#CJizzy feels today: Jack had a nightmare. Izzy sat up against the headboard, pulled his head into his lap, and played with his hair while talking him through a story his mum used to tell him when he couldn’t sleep.

"It" being an entire chapter in the DSM-5

I stayed up too late watching The Bear and now I feel like a husk. How is that show so good? I know I’m behind but forgive me, I have 2 kids and no time to myself.

Hey, @david-jenkins.bsky.social, why was episode 2x8 called ‘Mermen’?

Since bsky now apprently accepts gifs, I am shring gif with glimpses into my process

Chaperoning a field trip to the farm today please send thoughts and prayers that I am eaten by a goat

A very quick and messy page for today! Playing around with colors and gross zombie vibes 🏴‍☠️🧟‍♂️ #ofmdfanart #ourflagmeansdeath #piratesofthecaribbean #crossover #drawtober #sketchbook

"did you see what happened Over There on The Other Site?" no did you see what happened in yonder tree

“Operator” by Jim Croce, but it’s sung by Edward Teach about Izzy Hands (and Jack Rackham) #Edizzy #CJizzy

Anyone else have a parent complain about my kid on behalf of their kid to the teacher and want to square up with the parent in the parking lot or is that just me? Actually, come to think of it- this is a possible #Stizzy meet-cute scenario.+

Izzy is the kind of guy that gets a compliment about something once and makes it his entire personality- integral to his being. This is why I love him. And this is why he only wears a glove on one hand, because Ed once said it made him look badass. In truth, he had just misplaced the other one.

My youngest turned 3 yesterday and I have a cold so I could use some animals or OFMD memes please

same picture 🥲

Izzy has to talk Jack out of texting this to Stede

Each and every one of you deserves a medal

I’ve had this #CJizzy turns into… #Stackhands? Is that what we’re going with when there’s no Ed? Anyway, here goes: Stede hadn’t meant to see it. He swears on his life that he hadn’t. He was looking for ink, as he’d run out and knew that Izzy kept a ledger in his room, along with, he hoped, ink. +

Forgive me, I forget if I brought this one over from The Bad Place already, but in honor of Halloween, here you go: Stede finds himself wandering in grass at the front of the cottage and down towards the beach after an argument with Edward. +

I had an interview and I either knocked it out the park or into the interviewer’s windshield, we’ll see…

“I’ll loop you in” is something I no longer wish to hear at work. I would like to be unraveled. Let me sag and flutter in the breeze like a tattered expandable garden hose stuck in a bush.

I see your Nolly rollies and raise you these OSHA compliant tiddies

Feeling sorry for myself so here’s some sad parenting #Edizzy from my AU: Izzy rushes from the kitchen to the living room, bowl full to the brim of popcorn. The same bowl that caught sickness, kept diy materials from rolling away, and on one memorable occasion, held a toad from the garden.+

The continued financial and mental struggle of supporting a family is driving me to madness. At least I’m Izzy coded.

🧵 This is the most valuable thread I've ever put together. #RESIST ✊🏾 WHAT TO DO AT AN ICE CHECKPOINT, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE WHITE/PRIVILEGED and/or FEEL THE NEED TO JAM UP THE WORKS.

Ed teasing Izzy about being a vampire because he’s too short to reach anyone’s neck.

#Edizzy new parents (past of my AU) Izzy has Levi strapped to his front while he’s preparing he and Ed’s dinner, waiting for Ed to come in from work. He’s swaying to keep the little one settled enough that he can drift to sleep and Izzy could have a chance at putting him in his cot. +

Will this be the year I finally make a frat bro CJ cosplay with this?

Trying to get out of a creative slump, so here’s a #CJizzy edit I made myself sad making.

Izzy going in to do post raid briefing with Ed wearing this

Me?