“Before they changed it to hockey, Heated Rivalry was about doubles luge,” reports an IOC official. “But then they realized they literally couldn’t make a show any hornier than the actual Olympic event.”

Breaking: Tragedy at the Winter Olympics

Costco really is a lawless society, on Saturdays.

I need one of those YouTube guys to do an in depth dive on how many goals Leon Draisaitl would have if he had a normal length stick blade, instead of the canoe paddle he currently has.

Who could’ve predicted that Trump’s presidency would benefit Mumford & Sons so much?

Starting a D&D campaign with my son and his friends, tomorrow. They’ve long talked about starting one, but can never stay focused long enough to get going, so I thought I’d attempt to corral them. Just me and a few grade 9 boys…wish me luck. Also, I’ve never really played.

The irony of Craig Simpson saying ‘you don’t want to be that guy who takes out an old goaltender teammate’ when you have Sam Bennett in this game.

Should Christmas be more about Santa or Jesus?

So the Leafs are full on shit. Glad to have my life back, and do better things with my time.

It’s baffling to me that the NHL has 3 on 3 OT in their bag of tricks, and they insist on using the shootout as a decider after only 5 minutes.

For all the pop punk and emo bands of the 2010s who cited ‘Pinkerton’ as an influence…it’s amazing how many of them didn’t listen to Rivers when he said ‘I could never touch you, I think that would be wrong’ in ‘Across the Sea’.

I had this friend whose wife told him to stop talking to me because she found out I went to church, and assumed I was trying to convert him. Literally all I talked about with this guy was great music, and Kevin Smith movies. He’s since gotten divorced and re-married.

Got together with a couple other people, in one room, and made very loud music last night. I don’t know if there’s anything that makes me feel more content than that.

Pizza dough rising. Homemade sauce simmering. Pizza soon-ish. Time for a coffee.

Pecan pie as an idea is way too much. Butter tarts, however I’ll eat my body weight in.

Wish the Raptors were more into apple turnovers, the band Turnover, or even the Fugazi song ‘Turnover’…instead of offensive turnovers.

IKEA is like Lego for adults, but when you’re done you’ve got a place to store your records.

Finished 8 weeks of 4 times a day, post-surgery eye drops. I’m a free man.

Also I’m wearing camo pants so I’ve basically fulfilled the stereotype. Sorry to appropriate your culture.

Bought a new Vans hat, but it’s one of those ones where the brim automatically flips up so now I look like I should be riding a BMX in Southern California.

I remember, as a teen, having to go downtown to a ‘trendy’ shoe shop to buy Converse Chuck’s. Now you just go to any big box shoe store and they’re everywhere.

My 16 y/o showed me the app Airbuds, now I’m out here competing with 16 year olds to be the top listener of my favourite bands. Do not underestimate me, Kait.

Today is my 41st birthday. I spent the last few days thinking I was turning 42. What a pleasant surprise! I am Benjamin Button!

Raptors rule! Sixers drool!

I just got a ‘digital ticket stub’ for an upcoming show I’m going to. According to Live Nation it’s a ‘keepsake’. What a stupid world we live in.

I think it’d be a good idea for the Raptors to turn it over less, and score more points than the Hornets. Call me ‘Coach’. #raptors

Daaaaamn, Brandon! #raptors

Dat ad says ‘dat ass’.

More like Lord Fuckwaad!

Sending my sympathies to @davidgrowingup.bsky.social who is at a bar that has half the TVs with the Oilers game on and blasting human migraine machine Jack Searches-his-name-on-Twitter Michaels at full volume instead of the sultry sounds of Dan and Buck

I bought tickets to an all ages show and offered to take my oldest daughter. She currently has the homework of checking out some of the bands, to make sure she’s down.

Can I ask that creators stop uploading videos full of their horrendous eating sounds? Nothing ruins a good cooking video quicker than your gross ass mouth noises.

Oh shit! Happy birthday month to @fejimanz.com (I am 99% likely to forget on your actual birthday).

The upside of the auto-flush toilet is racing to see if you can stand up fast enough, to turn around and see your creation.

7 tacos down.

I don’t know if it was a revelation, but it was tasty. I should specify the onions were red onions.

This app seems to think I give a shit about NCAA football. I assure you, I do not.

I am preparing to put pulled pork in a pita with lettuce, onions, peppers, and Italian dressing. This could be a revelation, or a disaster. Stay tuned.

Things @fejimanz.bsky.social said on ‘that other site’ that live in my head rent free: 1. He squeezes the tip of his dick like a tube of toothpaste to get that last little bit of piss out. 2. He washes his hands before peeing because he knows everything his dick has touched, but not his hands.