My brother: "we'll swing round at about eleven. See you then!" My brother, at five to eleven: "we've had a slow start to the day, are you around later?" Every. Time.

"Father I shall not look at you until you have finished guitar practice"

Just committing assault out here

My partner referred to the dog's lips as "moist jowlettes," so now, you all must be cursed with this as well.

Ten things I like: 1. My family & others I care about 2. Being afloat (ideally, sailing) 3. Being within a large crowds with thumping bassy booms (fireworks and/or live music) 4. Fingers running through my hair and over my scalp 5. Spring afternoons when the air hums with new life

The media's talkin' bout me again 😤

After a two and a half hour nap on the sofa cuddling the new cat, it is not very tactful to say to your wife "Isn't he perfect? You should get a cat too" 😬

It's so hard to know if he's settled here.

It is 1998. I am at the kitchen table writing Batman fanfic but I keep getting distracted by breaking news about a Bill Clinton sex scandal It is 2025. I am at the kitchen table writing a canonical Bat-book but I keep getting distracted by breaking news about a Bill Clinton sex scandal

MANY HAVE ASKED WHETHER THERE IS ANYTHING MORE REWARDING IN LIFE THAN EARNING THE TRUST OF A TINY KITTY AND THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUSLY A NO. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS CAT

to be fair, I bet "I'd take a bullet for you" hits different when it comes from a Kennedy

I have started clicker-training Xander because who doesn't want a cat that can make a fresh mokka pot each morning.

The post: myopic The replies: pyroclastic

Apparently roadside tyre outfits are fine with you being sat inside the vehicle during the change of tyre and this seems bizarre to me but hey it's dry.

A flat fucking tyre. Not just a little bit low or anything like that. Flat. Gone. Completely defunct. Whilst in a multistorey carpark. *Deep breath*

did not expect the site of Thomas Beckett’s murder to be memorialized in a fashion that is quite so fucking metal

Walking home from the school's extended hours offer with our kiddo, just now. It's dark and wet and the leaves are slippy underfoot. She is skipping alongside me while I sing stupid songs to her like "You're going to slip & fall, you're going to slip & fall, eeh aye adio you're gonna slip n fall"

Do I have any Bsky moots in Reading? I'm there for work tomorrow and currently, look set to finish just as traffic home will be becoming a pain. Be good to know if there's a good spot to kill an hour or two with food and a non alcoholic beverage before the trip back.

Call me the Edmund Fitzgerald the way twenty-nine good men lost their lives going down on me.

Oh yes Xander this is very practical, absolutely ideal.

Must. Not. Load. DF. Up.

Social media enables and enforces very strong in group and out group behaviour that protects people when they decide to try and tear strangers apart. Very little will come down to illiteracy - a lot is about being fully protected from social consequences of being utterly vile for no good reason.

Aaaaand now it's in my head so it needs to be in other peoples' too youtu.be/U9t-slLl30E?...

My friend, you would not tell with such high zest To children ardent for some desperate glory, The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est Pro patria mori.

Cybercuck

Joined us for episode 7 of the last taskmaster series.

Finally exhausted himself and crashed out for a little nap... Did he sleep in either of the two cat beds, armchairs, the couch or the sunny windowsill for his afternoon snooze? Nope. On the floor, next to my chair... 🥰😍

WHEN HIS BUTT GOES UP AND HIS FACE GOES DOWN AND HE'S GAUGING THE PERFECT MOMENT TO ATTACK HIS TOYS HE DOES A LITTLE "CHUFF CHUFF CHUFF" TO HIMSELF OMG HOW IS HE SO PERFECT 😭😭😭😭

I WONDER WHO THE FUCK GAVE THEM THAT IDEA NIGEL, YOU ABSOLUTE HORSE DIARRHEA SPONGE

Settling in: a story in four parts

Here's an optical illusion for you, @sonofraucous.bsky.social. There are one (1) animated film characters in this image.

IT'S CAT DAY

If anyone was thinking of watching it who hasn't yet, this is absolutely spot on. Some of the laziest screenwriting I've ever seen. Entire scenes that are characters soberly saying "This is a very moving event and very meaningful" in a way that is not at all moving or meaningful to you, the viewer.

One for the SOAD fans.

Last night was rather spectacular, as per for our local village green bonfire night.

It's a character sheet for a smug c*nt of a fox. I can't imagine a coca cola exec wanting to look at anything else.

This seems absolutely fine @that-girl-atco.bsky.social nothing terrible can happen here right

Watson was a man Who stole knowledge from a woman He took and used it fast Watson took the books and modelled DNA Using insights Rosalind'd had Jojo was a man who thought he was a loner But he knew it couldn't last Jojo left his home in Tucson, Arizona For some California grass

Rosalind Franklin Leaving her notes in a pile That she keeps by the door Who is it for? Awful James Watson Stealing the credit And snaffling all the awards Misogynist bore

TWO SLEEPS TIL CATMAS. THAT IS ALL.

You can't even call Tesla shareholders a proper cargo cult though, because half the time Elon can't make the car go.

This morning's earworm is Wishing He Was Dead by The Like. youtu.be/ifAU55G92FE?...

Handy chart update 1 million seconds = 11.6 days 1 billion seconds = 31.7 years 1 trillion seconds = 31,688 years

Wow! 😮🤩 There's a new interactive map of Every Known Road in the Roman Empire!! 🤓 itiner-e.org We might have to have a lie-down.

Having two to three sharp inches of wire sticking out of my partner would definitely keep me from finishing, I can tell you that for free. Jesus H.

I wear a white poppy. I'm an RAF veteran who was shot in the leg in Afghanistan. Fuck every single person trying to mandate red poppies in November. They're all flag shagging fascist fucks.

Please enjoy this wooden bear. He is awesome.