i'm pooping air holy shit i'm pooping so much air

malice aforeskin

why didn't anyone tell me that david duchovny looks like walter matthau now

oh no, my boob window fell off

it's time to shrek your email

i just learned that one of the epithets for Azura in TES lore is "the Rim of all Holes," so i'm gonna have to sit with that for a bit i think

barbie horse ride & rescue says "trans rides matter"

Broadsword is any sword a lady uses

sit on the Hitachi so long you have a heart attack that's vibe coding

scunthorpe problems require scunthorpe solutions

sword of damocles implies board of damocles

my rocks? fallen. my everyone? dead.

jesus definitely cried over 9/11 but only because he wished it was happening to his south tower instead of new york city's

the root of Islamophobia is just hard-right white bigots being envious that the type of Islamic governments they choose to agitate about are further down the hard-right pipeline than they are

tired: newly weds inspired: welly nudes lemme 👏 see 👏 them 👏 galoshes

that's priapism, patroclus

i think i've pinned down the thing that most bothers me about centrists, which is that they are the physical manifestation of a dril tweet

i found this really cool tradwife community, they're all about feminine beauty and true glamor, google "fb/tg beauty" to learn more

tgm and chill

*two* bricks on the throttle?! in this economy???

hey, ya like my new brush? yeah, it is really broad, thanks for noticing!

i think a person should be legally required to review their fashion choices from ten, fifteen, and twenty years ago before they decide to double down on a belief they held when they were younger

bimbo girlies with ibs like, "tee hee, sorry babes, i have to go shit my brains out"

*biker-girl-at-the-dick-volume-competition voice* nice, how many pubic inches is it?

one of the worst things about grief is the series of forced recontextualizations. "the last time i held him" becomes "the last time i ever held him." "the last photo i took of him" becomes "the last photo i'll ever take of him." my heart is breaking. it's breaking so many times and it won't stop

nobody dandles anymore we gotta bring back dandling

beefcakes beefquakes queefbakes

@mel.bzky.team I saw you in screenshot form on... reddit today

up scrolling late? annoyed, but too tired to engage with someone who wouldn't know what "good faith" looked like if they were getting dick from an ancient transsexual oracle? try blocking 30 to 40 incels. you will certainly not regret blocking 30 to 40 incels.

some days i forget to rinse my coffee cup right away and then i have to think about the phrase "milk solids" for the rest of the day

triple-a development is pronouncing "javascript" like i'm from boston

people who read more than one book are like, "yeah get that trash out of here, whatever."

i think for a lot of people, harry potter is the one book they read as a child, their singular totem signifying literacy. to criticize it is to take it away from them, which feels like an attack on their illusory self-conception of intelligence.

*to the tune of "we're an american band"* spam's an american ham

FUTURE ARCHAEOLOGIST: [carefully excavating my skeleton] fascinating! it appears people of this era were full of microplastics ME: [cursed by a witch to never die] does my childhood trauma make my hip bones look breedable? ARCHAEOLOGIST: oh god it's another one of these. where's my holy water

is anyone else still a little salty about the matrix completely co-opting the term 'the matrix' in the culture despite also absolutely loving the matrix?

i just watched an ad featuring an ai-generated version of mr. beast whose eyes looked *less* dead and empty than those of the real mr. beast

i watched hbomb's video about pathologic and i finally get the "cite your sources, bachelor" joke

boom plap the sound of our parts

Draenic pixie mean girl is this anything

the analog hole 🥵

aw wtf free cassie

did you know that scrunch means "soft crunch?"

the Disciple Jesus Loves is talking shit on the Bitch Jesus Hates again

pick a kraid, any kraid

i can't wait for cyberpunk 2078

The American sphinx keeps asking me riddles like where’s the bathroom and does this contain seed oils

bo burnham was really cooking when he said that every politician, every cop on the street protects the interests of the pedophilic corporate elite

moving two birds from the bush to the hand doubles their value. now it's like if you had five birds. now someone moves one of those birds to their hand and it doubles again. this is how economy works much to think about

they pay me in boids