Folks ; it’s spaghetti and meatballs night

Update: I’ve been permanently banned from the Arlington Heights IL location of Texas Roadhouse due to “unbecoming behavior of a TRH patron”.

Why are Nerds Gummy Clusters so elite??

Bro please we just want healthcare here 🥲

Ok I missed Trump’s hallucination of sending a hospital boat to Greenland????

Hot gas station food

These $5 Texas Roadhouse margs are hitting

The poors can drink Soylent and eat that insect fruit leather stuff from Snowpiercer

"thin places" are locations where the veil between the physical and spiritual worlds is said to be particularly thin.

The MAHA moms are melting down over the news about glyphosate. Saw a caption that was like “Trump is spitting in MAHA’s face!!” You’re shocked???

My SIL, her husband and their teen daughter ate Chipotle recently and got awful food poisoning. Like sick for several days.

I’m being aggressively advertised brands that make unlicensed MLB shirts but none of their Cubs shirt are cute enough to buy.

Principal Skinner with a MAGA hat: Is my party full of pedo traffickers? No. It’s the drag queens!

Woke up with a migraine and kids demanding my services

Dems midterm messaging should be:

This Bears stadium shit is pissing me tf off. If they want Illinois taxpayers’ money then all Illinois residents should get to go to Bears games for free. 🤷🏻‍♀️ We fund libraries and get to use them for free so why not your little football games?

I bought a bag of Punk Bunny Coffee which is made by Green Day. I’m assuming Green Day all live together and grow the beans themselves.

$20 stimmy checks for everybody!

Every. Fucking. Day. It's. Something. Worse.

remember the ICE guy who peed himself. he’s probably thinking “so much has happened since then, everyone has probably forgotten about me wetting my pants.” wrong. I think about it every day

I watched the America’s next Top Model doc and woooooooooo boy

Vets: These foods are bad for dogs and they shouldn’t eat them. Wrigley: Challenge. Accepted.

I wonder how well he can sing

Sorry. Sorry. Trying to cleanse the timeline

The machines they were using looked like they had no weights added to them. Look how many reps I can do when it’s set to 0.5lbs

Ladies, if he wanted to he would

Luv to chug whole milk while sitting in a hot tub with my main bro

I love liquids! Drinking them! Bathing in them! Being near them! LIQUIDS!

Oh

Here it is, your moment of zen.

NOTHING BUT RESPECTFORMYPRESIDENT 🫡

Bad Bunny’s “EY” is my family’s current vocal stim

He looks like a charlatan who sells snake oils to unsuspecting locals and later gets run out of town with pitchforks and torches.

Men, pls make the bare minimum effort 🥲

Just over a month until I start skeeting Cubs players’ names in ALL CAPS and declare us World Series bound. Or call them 🚮.

I want to do the thing where you tip the couch forward to dump everything out but to my house.

Take your kids on a walking adventure so they can find huge knocked over trees to climb on.

Maybe Dick Cheney’s endorsement will work this time

Did a toddler write this?

“Mottled Pluots” sounds like a Shakespearean insult

FB V-day Posts: This man is the light of my life! Although he drives me CRAZY 🤪 he did offer to babysit our kids for an hour so I could go to Target and buy myself flowers today!! We’ve had our ups and downs (mostly the downs!! lol!!) but I wouldn’t trade him for the world 🌎! LUV U BABE

Comfy, Wrigley?

Hey look at Mr Foxxi ordering flower delivery for me!

Roses are red The sky is gray But don’t be sad It could happen today

Good morning, Gavin Newsom sucks. That is all Ciao, Foxxi

Doctors say that vaccines protect children from dangerous diseases. A nepo baby who barbecues dogs and snorts cocaine off toilet seats says that vaccines make children vulnerable to 5G radiation. For busy parents, it can be hard to know who to trust.

He just posted crystal Shrek on main

I was assisting in a 5th grade class the other day and two girls were arguing over whether Katseye originally did Milkshake. The one asked me if I knew (prob cuz I’m old) and I said that Kelis did Milkshake. And that it came out way before they were born. 🫠