Regardless of authenticity of the “new” dire wolf, I do not think we should be attempting to play god with de-extinction. There’s a very well known series of 6 films explaining why

Ty was somehow surprised that I have tix to Yacht Club already… Sir, I haven’t missed a Minnesota Fall Out Boy show in over 15 years; I don’t play.

my god do i need a cigarette

If you need me I’ll be at Aldi unlocking the shopping carts with UpDown coins

Sometimes it sucks that me and my bf had very different childhoods bc when he lets out a burp after dinner and I go “hey do you remember when Justin Timberlake won a burping contest against Hugh Jackman at the Kids Choice Awards” and he has no idea what I’m talking about I look genuinely insane

my mom bought her ‘72 chevelle in ‘87 and sold it to my cousin in the early 00’s. he fixed it, upgraded the hell out of it, and is now going to sell it so i need to come up with like $27k or a good ass deal to get that shit back asap

Connor McDavid looks like he gnaws on logs

bf’s been sleeping on the couch while recovering from surgery, and i’m so selflessly taking on the noble task of sleeping right in the middle of the bed to even out the impressions 🫡

The light poles in Philly must be feeling what the couches in the VP’s residence felt on election night.

Drake really just got annihilated by a cutie patootie on live TV

ready for the “Super Bowl”

Super Bowl, aka the best three hours of the year to go to Costco.

when your tax returns and payday hit at the same time and the tattoo shop starts calling you like the green goblin mask

They should invent a pharmacy that doesn’t fucking suck

It’s just me and my Pilot G-2 10 Gel Roller pen against the world

A year and a half later I still haven’t recovered from the emotional devastation inflicted by Stick Season (We’ll All Be Here Forever) Noah, sir, what the fuck. 😃

The ovation Fleury is getting in Montreal 🥹 and the commentators being silent the whole time 🥹🥹🥹

Thinking bout how my bf’s mom’s ex would always randomly drop by her house, chug a massive glass of milk, then just leave. He lived 15 minutes away

First thing I see on the internet this morning is a millennial content farm with a video of @jw91.bsky.social connecting Hero by Enrique Iglesias to Horse Sense

phew 😮‍💨 😌

I have a genuine hatred for how ticket prices for shows are gate kept until they go on sale these days

‘i am jack’s smirking revenge’ i growl under my breath as i stuff brenda from accounting’s morning bagels into my bra

[very quietly] g-go birds

I'm going to donate these bags of old clothes to Goodwill. But first, I'm going to drive around with them in my trunk for two months.

Not sure what’s crazier; the fact that I played the Bluey soundtrack on the way home for my dog who’s recently developed car anxiety (we play Bluey for him at home and he loves it), or the fact that it WORKED tremendously

One thing about me is that I will fight Nazis until I’m six feet in the ground.

had to hit the ‘flop on the bed to button my skinny jeans’ this morning, feeling so spiritually connected to my early teens rn

i want mike tyson to knock jake paul's head off in the first punch to stunned silence from the audience but we live in hell so he's almost certainly being paid to take a fall

tuning into the tyson paul fight has me feeling like im wearing a dunce cap