I wish I loved absolutely anything as much as Jair Bolsonaro loves being in the hospital

I am volunteering to get locked into a Skinner box

happy Kentucky meat shower re-enactment day to all celebrants www.fleshfalls.com (for context) en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kentuck...

The feeling of having known something to be true, deep within your very being, only to have it confirmed as such. There's just nothing like it: defector.com/jeffrey-epst...

the Jeremy Piven experience should be a weekly event where 10 Jeremy piven lookalikes serve you grilled salmon against your will. That too would be just as deserving as my $150. my fellow pivenhead family already know

who is coming w me

what's crazy about this to me is that I actually like women, so I disagree with what he's saying

if anyone in nyc area is sew folk/crafty - I have a fully intact (never opened/flat pack) sewing table with collapsible / lowering everything. was never able to create a space for it - it was around $500 but similar to a.co/d/0czR681v if you want it, please dm me. I do not want $ no murderers plz

apartment just got raided by a dozen men slathered in beef tallow trying to plunder my beautiful ferments

sorry, i'm all in favor of people being healthier but "i'm gonna eat yogurt" is pervert shit and "the rest of you should beware of seed oils if you must have buffalo wings" ought to get you locked in a padded cell on super bowl sunday

watching luge / skeleton for the sole purpose of watching Teutonic bros burn themselves down an ice sheet in the hopes that one guy points a toe in a weird direction, forcing himself off the track and into a nearby billboard where he explodes in a firebomb Freejack style

I am sparing you all the pain of live tweeting the Winter Olympics by texting my dad continuously because Jesse voluntarily ate a tranq dart just to stop my train of consciousness dumping

whenever they do this, this is what my head says back / same energy etc.

I want nothing more than for America to be in The Cuck Chair for the Olympics

let’s all remember Scott Adams the way he would’ve wanted to be remembered, as the man who wishes he could’ve murdered his stepson but did not get the chance before he OD’ed

Starting to wonder if those Charlie Kirk pearl clutchers weren’t entirely in good faith

how does every fucking day feel like this exact scene

just coming up for air long enough to praise allah for putting the ja rule / 50 cent’s feud back in the news

wow new communist mayor not even in office yet and failing liberal NYC agenda to force gender swap in effect Monday

I can’t imagine a more tentacle filled apartment

NYC people who is the other carpet guy (not carpet Kevin) and what are his motives (am I complicit in his kink if I throw an anvil on him)

fuck yes Thanksgiving

pov you let me drink two (2) alcoholic beverages at your wedding

looking like a fancy dog (non pejorative)

I just want to watch someone eat the entirety of this abomination

I’m not paying for my bras until I have a pic of the delivery guy holding them up

never let my enemies know that one bite of lettuce or kernel of corn is my biggest weakness. or post it online as a challenge. cone at me.

25th anniversary of the cancellation of Strangers With Candy

the James Garfield mini series absolutely slaps

jewish psychiatric social workers for mamdani work is going to be oppressive tomorrow but internally I am so fucking happy

oops got too tipsy at the rehearsal dinner and fell into a candelabra

This is so dark but I have tried to hold out hope that the couple getting married in LA this weekend break up with enough notice that I can go to ink and dagger in Philly.

I consider the year I spent at skidmore college trapped in a double with a roommate who only owned, and repeatedly played YELLOW SUBMARINE and the THAT THING YOU DO soundtrack nonstop, situationally induced psychosis

I only need to keep dissociating for 3.25 more years and I want to thank the hard working people at love is blind who continue to pump out this shit for helping me continue in that endeavor follow up: what the fuck is going on with Denver

ink & dagger playing Philly on Halloween (the most me coded shit ever) but I have a wedding that day in LA. I have never wished for a relationship to fall apart before but guess there’s a first for everything

nobody ever brings up that Jesus was a Capricorn

it only took one night at the screamo fest to give me a sliver of hope of coalition building and community it was immediately ripped away shortly thereafter by a guy who insisted on showing me his sketchbook at gwarbar for the next hour

both my spouse and my best friend saw me eying a blue curaçao scorpion bowl drink for 6 people served out of a watermelon and said MICHELLE ABSOLUTELY NOT and I demand a new best friend and spouse

wonder how this guy’s day is going

A lot of lone nuts with no coherent political philosophy seem to be very closely related to one specific political philosophy

We need fugazi now more than ever

If all my friends called me a pedophile in my birthday book I'd probably kill myself too

I can’t believe there aren’t more online spaces for me to discuss the most absurdly bad gameshow I love to hate watch, Tipping Point and share the intricate fictions I have made up about host Ben Sheppard outside of the conversations I have had with @rigamarock.bsky.social

vacation in 2 pics

It's Minnesota State Fair time! It's time for Minnesotan folk art! Here, for example, is Saturn Devouring His Corn, in the seed art category!