Sorry for not responding to your snapchats, Kitten. Daddy is 30

Sources confirm your vibe was weird and yes, everyone felt it

No offense to both Mario and Sonic (dear friends of mine) but I’m deeply hoping that Kirby Air Riders blows all previous racing games out of the water

Happy 14th anniversary to them 💠🐺⚔️

Taking an extra Tylenol tonight in solidarity

What if the “answer to autism” is that they’re all getting raptured tomorrow

Wait but like what if they do all go tomorrow?? Omg we should throw a party.

Guy came to drop off mail, handed me a package, straight up just took a pic of my feet, and left.

Men will literally think it’s okay to fuse with the God-Devouring Serpent and then stay sat in their cave underneath Mt. Gelmir 😭

Sorry about the bedhead

So wait, what is this about the Rapture happening? I’m kinda busy this week. Can we reschedule?

Against my best wishes, I’ve found myself suddenly serving cunt at the local Tesco

monday

I love seeing people check themselves out the gym. I hope they’re proud of their progress.

How many times can a guy make eye contact with me at the gym before we legally have to get married? Cuz we’re reaching double digits here

Yellow leaf spotted on sidewalk!!

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Just finished watching the pilot for ‘The Knights of Guinevere’ by the creators of ‘The Owl House’ I wasn’t expecting a psychological thriller set in the far future It’s giving Battle Angel Alita Bioshock with a princess twist I’m suitably freaked out. Good stuff. youtu.be/MCAdbUaMlAE?...

The Knights of Guinevere pilot episode is SO good, I can’t wait for more.

Preacher’s Daughter really is one of the most incredible musical works ever created TO ME

Bf cleaned the house and now I can’t find the lube

Someone in the neighborhood singing Numa Numa at the top of their lungs at 9am… Spells of blessings on my good Christian Sunday

i just think if you’re hot, you shouldn’t have to learn how to parry

My bf about Ru Paul using fracking footage in her DJ set: “it may be cunt but that doesn’t make it right”

Almost crashed my car bc I was white girl dancing to this oops

Alright my back has a week to get it together because I WILL be throwing every ass I’ve got at the club next weekend

Anyways enough soapboxing, back to being a horrible little sex demon just like God intended

Something I’ve learned is that unless you’re emotionally invested, someone’s opinion of you doesn’t mean anything. Let strangers waste their time and energy on deciding who they think you are. You’re much better off spending yours on yourself and the people in your life that matter.

I know it’s a cliche but chipped black nail polish on a guy will always make my girlhood tingle

Trying to come up with a Halloween costume for the throuple this year and so far our options are: - The Three Blind Mice - the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost - Love, Death, and Robots - Cosmo, Wanda, and Jorgen Von Strangle But I’m open to new ideas

You may see me as your average reply guy, but in truth, I am merely unemployed and also I love you

Forgot my headphones for the gym and conjured the spirits of darkness in my anguish. Now all the benches are taken up by ghouls 🙄

Ok so theoretically, if I tweaked my lower back like two days ago doing legs, how bad of an idea is it for me to go to the gym today if I just do upper body stuff

Ethel Cain loves to sing something that hurts my feelings

The union representing the musicians from Jimmy Kimmel’s band releases a statement calling the FCC’s pressure on Disney “state censorship.”

☀️ END OF SUMMER SALE! 🌊 Which means all remaining Gay Ass Summer sets (LIMITED) are now only $35! Snag your set of four bold and gay ass colors before they are gone like the summer! 💅🏼✨

That new cozy farming sim Pokemon game looks SO good like that is exactly what that franchise needed to get into

I’m late but I fear it’s this one

I LOVE when people ask me what my favorite tattoo is like yes I was waiting to tell you about my tramp stamp thank you

Wondering if my lil nose could handle a nostril piercing or if that would be too much going on with my septum

Oomf asked for Skirt Logan

Just had the most bizarre interaction with a very aggressive door to door milkman that was desperate to make whatever deal he could get me to agree to (tried to sell me bottled water) and also kept coming up with excuses for me to give him my name?? I feel like I just encountered a fae

Been thinking about playing a Genasi in a future campaign and this guy has some REALLY cool ideas for Genasi based on the schools of magic instead of the elements. Really fun watch.

I like checking a complete stranger’s skircle to see if we share any oomfs, like oh so we’re in-laws then

The thing about me is that I really will eat your ass like I’ve only got an hour left to live every time, like it will always be that serious for me

Watched the new Great British Bakeoff episode and my takeaway? Paul Hollywood is Guy Fieri’s Wario

Mixing 3 kinds of cereal and putting baileys in my 9pm decaf coffee. Grand alchemy

Not to be parasocial but I’m really grateful for the friends I’ve made on here during what has actually been a very difficult and lonely year 💛 greatly appreciate you guys

Got my good fall flannels on :)

being whimsical all by yourself, handsome?