POV: You have just violently clipped an electric pole because you were texting and driving. The impact completely rolled your 2012 Jeep Wrangler. Sparks flash as the pole topples. The neighborhood darkens. You bleed out, dying. You look up, praying, and spot this in the detrius from your dashboard:

The coward @pftompkins.bsky.social disabled replies on this post because he's too chickenshit to admit that Jack Reacher is a grape.

“They do say,” Mr. Adams said to Old Man Warner, who stood next to him, “that over in the north village they’re talking of giving up the lottery.”

A thing that stuck in my mind from a college party from 15+ years ago: a drunk kid with a cigarette pointed at the moonlit sky and said "hey! who wants to make fun of the moon for being a waning gibbous?" It has haunted my moon thoughts ever since, specifically the idea of "making fun" of the moon.

😐

Jiro Dreams of Sushi with Big Naturals

Gotta do it!

"It says tomorrow's gonna be hotter." "Hotter?!" "Just like yesterday." "Yesterday? Yesterday you said you'd call Sears." "I'll call today!" "You'll call now." "I'll call now."

let me just say what we're all thinking: this fuckin rules

Everyone is talking about how there's too much Spider in Avatar 3, but what they should really be focusing on is Quaritch's sick ass devil lock

'tis the season again

So Bari Weiss’s first real editorial intervention at CBS is to repress coverage of American concentration camps.

It’s the “season of love and giving”…but this year, doesn’t it seem more like a “season of fear and taking”? Like many of you, I’ve been saddened by the human impact of draconian government budget cuts and how angry many housed Americans are at unhoused Americans. 🧵 1 of 9

Interesting list, sir

Primary them all and block anybody who comes with the “at this crucial juncture the most important thing is that we win.” if they believed that they wouldn’t do this and with friends like them nobody needs enemies

Skarsgård Pennywise is just Carrey Grinchcore for adults, and knowledge of this is a curse. Merry Christmas to all!

This is Port A coded though (holds up two hands waiting for the high fives affirming the complete accuracy of this statement, worried that they shall never be slapped)

man of the year

I have some serious concerns about the marriage age gap here. These women are clearly much younger than the Beatles, who are almost 100 years old by now. Even worse is that two of the Beatles are believed (unconfirmed) to be dead.

The total omission of Freddy Got Fingered or any of the Jackass films means that the critical integrity of this list is like asking a seven year old to rank all of the best foods variety.com/lists/best-c...

WARE R'YEEWWWW?!?!?!

FAVRIT ACTOR DENNEHY FAVRIT DRINK O'DOULS BEARS HAWKS SOX BULLS

Bill Maher still being on air is one of the most embarrassing media legacies of all time. Nobody likes him, he's not funny, just a crappy grandpa scold slinging gruel for political moderates. A grievance machine from the cracker factory. Shame on HBO for keeping his boring, insufferable ass around.

Megyn Kelly shouldn't be fed into a woodchipper. I think she should trip and fall into a haunted swamp and be dragged down by undead ghosts of sexual assault victims, who then forcefully eject her out of the muck, wildly arc her through the air, only to land conveniently in an active woodchipper.

Steph Curry is an honorary boomer. I don't care if that makes a lick of sense to anyone but me. It's true. He needs Sea Bond.

Personally, I'm excited for America's first goofy "Weekend at Bernie's" style Presidency, especially in the midst of all the damning emails

Democrats Sick Of Being Blamed For Cowardice On Issues They Actually Just Don’t Care About

Very crazy archival interview moment from MR. SCORSESE: After THE KING OF COMEDY flopped in 1982, "I hope that one day in 2019, someone takes it and does a pastiche of it with Taxi Driver, but also makes it about Batman's main enemy, The Joker. I think that would be box office gold, quite frankly."

new york has elected a mayor who i know for a fact has been in the same room as a person wearing one of my shirts

@nytimes.com how dare you

Per rules of Halloween transference, everyone actually gets two more days of Halloween this year to cover a technical Halloweekend event. Very exciting, let's keep up the celebration!

I never watch baseball, ever. But I decided to tune in for this World Series and holy shit this is so so funny, I'm in SICKO mode let's GO 'TIL DAWN!!!

this is so good youtu.be/g1Og5Tg_Jyo?... this persons channel has thousands of weird videos unfortunately they have gotten into AI lately :( if memory serves i saw this because of @zeepeegeebee.bsky.social so thankz zane

I was carded when buying a 17+ video game today. I'm 37. I don't understand how I am supposed to feel about this.

Take note of all these people turning out for protests in small towns in red states. Remember them the next time you’re inclined to write an area off because “they voted for this.”

Kind of hard not to imagine Mee Maw's Titty Baby struggling with a disbanding of DEI

Finally attended the State Fair of Texas. Unfortunately nothing like this managed to happen

Me, slipping on a banana peel and pinwheeling across a floor covered in marbles until I land headfirst into a mop bucket and my pants fall down: "This is ILLEGAL!"

Celebrity Deathmatch: The Smashing Machine vs. The Whale

WEEK 9 of 13 Weeks of Halloween from us at @terrorvisionvids.bsky.social! This week we did a repress of one of our first releases, NORWAY. Very dope movie about a vampire that can’t stop dancing/moving or he will die. Incredibly vibrant, weird, and a great soundtrack.

I can't imagine being a rotten asshole like this to someone who I'd known since they were a kid. No amount of riches can make you less of a smelly turd person at heart. Especially when you're famous for ripping off Roald Dahl books. Forever lonesome, forever disgusting, fame & fortune mean nothing.

A beautiful set of engagement photos from a happy couple so fully in love

Thank you to all my brothers in movies who complimented my Victorville Film Archives t-shirt at #FantasticFest today, it is nice to be in the presence of true fellow #buffs and eating #popcorn together #Itsmovieyime

“You used to be able to say anything” comedians never been more quiet in their lives

STELLA (2005)