Trump to the Iranian national football team: Okay fine daddy FIFA says we have to let you come to the party but like, you can't sit with us.

Did JD Vance just Pope Viktor Orbán?

Really looking forward to JD Vance campaigning for Netanyahu later this year.

The US capture of Maduro is illegal. It also makes us look even more spectacularly incompetent.

The World Cup draw is the biggest "could have been an email" event in the world.

The front bench is just the PM's top MySpace friends. #auspol

#TeamNorway #Nobel

I think Trump thinks autism is a country. "We're gonna beat Autism. They treat Trump very unfair. They don't pay their share to NATO. The Autistic people are great but their President doesn't return my calls. They're in for a big surprise if they keep this up."

At this point the USA is like a teenage drunk. Just needs to vomit up the fascism so they can get it out of their system and realise they've made some poor choices in the morning. We can't promise we won't tell their mum though.

Look I'm no social butterfly but I do have a neurodivergent need to have my schedule planned and where's the fixtures at @aleague.bsky.social?

Kristi Noem's #Southpark complaints show she's thin skinned about botox but oddly accepting of being portrayed as an unhinged serial puppy murderer.

Imagine for a second #VicPol used their resources on the Nazis in Melbourne last night instead of terrorising #Aleague football fans on Swan Street.

I challenge anyone who thinks society wouldn't immediately crumble at the onset of the apocalypse to observe the insatiable hunger for the available seat on a peak hour train carriage.

🇺🇸 Chicago Fire fans turned their backs on the pitch during today's match against San Diego FC, a protest against the club, which ejected three fans from the stadium for displaying an anti-ICE banner. 👇

My parade sucks cos Ukrainians blew up all my tanks. What's Donald's excuse?

Watch as this LAPD cop takes deliberate aim at an Australian reporter, then shoots her at close range. I would fire the police chief over this. Inexcusable thuggery.

The real question is whether all 700 were in the one raincoat.

#VicPol ruining what should be an amazing aleague grand final in Melbourne for their #murdoch bosses.

My mate's dad is waiting for us at the Corner hotel, but millions of cops in the way won't let us through. What is this @aleague.bsky.social?

Tonight we shall feast on potato in many forms, hoping that by consuming the flesh of thine enemy, he is vanquished for good. #auspol #australiadecides

Dutton calls Elon an "evil genius". LNP now only half right. #auspol

Can you point me to the $4 carton of eggs that's this big? #auspol #leadersdebate

Yes Dutton, you do scare in particular women. #auspol #ausvotes #leadersdebate

Ok so there's 60 undecided voters, frankly i thought there would be less but good on ch7 for rounding up these remaining 60 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 #auspol #leadersdebate #ausvotes

They play ping pong? JFC. Even the moderator is cooked. #auspol #ausvotes #leadersdebate

Undecided? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localised ENTIRELY within your kitchen? #auspol #ausvotes #leadersdebate

LNP gang violence. Imagine you're trying to get to a local restaurant and SUDDENLY TRICKLING ECONOMICS. #auspol

In Awhina’s defense…………..we were all saying that #MAFSAU #MAFSAustralia

We need to dispel some rumors. There is ZERO fentanyl trafficking on both of our HIMI islands. In fact, while our Gentoo penguins can travel hundreds of miles to bring partners their favorite pebble, they are incapable and unwilling of carrying even an ounce of illicit drugs.

Angus Taylor on ABC Breakfast saying that those with a mortgage and 2 cars are the ones struggling the most. Completely ignores renters and homeless. LNP really are clueless. #auspol

Damn, I thought the odds were strong on Jacqui being the first to cry tonight #mafsau

Awhina: my husband will definitely meet his alternative. Also he's generally a bit shit. Yes. #mafsau

Jacqui googling how not to be a sociopath. Maybe she should join the Trumpets.

Ryan hasn't even tried to be blonde and clean-shaven! #mafsau

Will there be subtitles for Awhina and Adrian's long distance calls? #mafsau

#UkrainianView Of course it was Ukraine. Who else?

Stop turning to make boganic happen Lauren, it's not going to happen. #meangirl #mafsau

Explaining to my boyfriend that we've hit the part of the season where the remaining couples are being boring AF so the show has to manufacture bitchy nonsense. #mafsau

#MAFSAU #AlphaMale I bet Zelenskyy does the dishes

Bullshit. No duty of care. Get in the bin all of you. #mafsau

Calling Paul a stupid baby seems mean to babies, it's not their fault they're stupid. #mafsau

Awhina looks so defeated, run girl run #mafsau

I like to imagine there's a string quartet just out of shot during these dinner parties #mafsau

Please reply with approx 5 bullets you say

Trump blames Ukraine for starting the war the way a rapist blames his victim for looking too sexy.

Billy makes all the same faces as me at these people and I am here for it #mafsau

Inceliot IS consistently shit, very astute observation from the new guy. #mafsau

Oh yeah, just wait until he starts saying things #mafsau #inceliot