i need her biblically

My lawyer: “they leaked your discord chat” Me: “oh my god!!! What did they find?” Lawyer: “it’s when you sent a picture of yourself in a new outfit and asked if you looked fat and nobody replied” Me: “I see. Did you see the picture?” Lawyer: “yes” Me: “did you think I looked fat?” Lawyer: “…”

Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before and you’re they’re mutual friend

A lot of times I just feel like with the guys who constantly compare movies to each other it seems almost as though they are comparing foods, like 'wow caviar is so much better than ice cream' like bro they're not even the same thing, one is tasty fish eggs and one is pure milk and sugar

It kinda rocks that every single one of my ideological opponents is a Zionist Pedophile

'Matt Gaetz Raped A Homeless Teenager' is what you mean. A teenager with a homeless parent? What? The fuck? Did she have a home and not allow her parent to live in it? Ended up having sex with? What? Yeah clearly you guys been caping for pedos long enough and you understand the assignment here

I say it over and over again: when you have that much money, you want to live where you want to live and you are simply not going to relocate because of marginal tax rates Alan Dershowitz will never leave Martha’s Vineyard and they won’t even sell him a pierogi

Ephebophiles all over the world sitting forward in their gaming chairs to post pro-Megyn Kelly propaganda

Stop saying your pwnis measurement out loud on public transit

Batman gotta be the most efficient shower user, sudsing all his shit in record time

Uh yes buddy, I do think that "eat the rich" includes uh....Batman and Iron Man.

i love caped crusader Batman, he's so ridiculous

VA To Improve Veterans’ Health Care With New $500 Million Waiting Room https://theonion.com/va-to-improve-veterans-health-care-with-new-500-milli-1819576535/

Honestly brave of Sydney Sweeney to become the face of white supremacy and then be lead actress in the movie The Little Lesbian that Could: A Woke Biopic

Salk's act was altruism. A better example is WWI: the US nationalized Marconi's patents and assigned to GE to ensure unified military communications. This led to the NBC networks monopoly that was later broken up to restore competition. Socialism is an essential part of healthy government.

(on the Mamdani Monitor tip line) hey. I’m scared of the brown guy operator: Oh yeah? How scared? me: sooo scared operator: are you Mummy’s scared little boy? me: wait. shut up. my wife just got home

Oh hell naw I'm not reading all that

so true king. anyone else whose faith obligates them to follow hot women online is welcome here ❤️

Got suspended for a day for a post from months ago saying I'd remove the skin from someone calling everyone a pdf file

The Flex Loan, a new type of payday loan pioneered by Advance Financial in Tennessee, allows residents to borrow up to $4,000 at a 279.5% interest rate. It has burdened low-income borrowers while generating huge profits for lenders. (Published May with @tennesseelookout.com)

Worlds first trillionaire sitting on his own website asking a computer to tell him it loves him while 10 million people go hungry

Right post,

Has My Foot Touched A Belt Buckle or A Cold Cat Poo On The Floor At 4am

I hope the suffering was intense.

zohran: good morning rama my wife rama: hello mamdani

I had this piece in the pipeline at Teen Vogue when the news dropped; I'm publishing it to my Substack because I think it's important and I don't want an interview with Adam Hochschild to go to waste. sufficienttotheday.substack.com/p/the-federa...

“Oh poor people can buy popsicles with food stamps” shut the fuck up the government gives perverts a trillion dollars in government money each year for pervert factories for billionaires the fucking popsicles are none of your fuckin business

They also very much believe that all SNAP beneficiaries are black, and all vote Democratic, and thus hurting them (which they want to take every opportunity to do) will have no political consequences for them

If you start making an argument about why "door dash is necessary because of the existence of disabled people" and YOU are not a disabled person, not only are you terribly wrong but you're a piece of shit and also a moron.

Wife hated this one

yearly halloween bop as I enjoy the season www.youtube.com/watch?v=yG0g...

Hehehe

SHUT THE FUCK UP

A post featuring several interviews that includes Hasan has comments like these:

SUPPORT MANNY'S IF YOU ARE IN CHICAGO.

Sobbing over a boromit edit fuck my stupid chungus life

They don't tell you about turning 30 turns you into your dad

China Agrees To Purchase 11 U.S. Soybeans

I say this on the mic in the saddest voice possible when playing dota and the reactions are so fucking funny

Jake Fapper: uh uh uhhhh uhhhhhhhhmmm uehhhhhhhhhhhhh Van Jones: hey guys I coined nothingburger by the way

Do you guys ever wonder why the main popular streamers are unwashed ass chud losers with no emotional intelligence, and charming young women who tend to look slightly pubescent

not so fast bestie, get back here

You cannot abuse what is stolen from you and then given back in piecemeal.

“some people abuse SNAP” your soul is rotten

Was at the store the other night with my kid and the friendly owner I see often was at the front desk with an airpod in and I said "how's it going man" and he didn't hear me, so I said it again and he looked at me and went "oh hey man it's going good, how are you?" and we went our ways