Trump poop plane AI video is actually a Wendy's Frosty promo. Wendy's paid him to do it

I want an offense full of 11 of these guys. They'd rotate positions like gym volleyball.

Hegseth only works out with the military so he can monitor enlisted hogs in the shower afterwards

Executive Order dated October 20th designating attendees of "No Kings" rallies 'Antifa-adjacent" groups, and therefore domestic terrorists.

Monarchists are gay for dictatorship

Thomas isn't worried about not getting paid. He has independent sources of funds.

Spouse: Honeyyyy, are you busy?? Me: [watching a tiktok of a lady counting to 100 in vietnamese with a beat behind it and a guy dancing] Yes.

Should be very clear to everyone that if you think anti-fascists are terrorists, you're a fascist.

Americans love and expect nepotism

Floor came out of nowhere. Sniper, turf monster

Some kid is going to hit RFK with a spiderweb

Can't wait to hear what Alex Rodriguez thinks tonight before the playoffs start. Listening to him share his thoughts is like wandering through an abandoned building

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Noticing a trend

IT WAS A JOKE. THE SWASTIKA AMERICAN FLAG IS JUST A GOOF. Gosh, doesn't anyone have a sense of humor??!?

I'm going to predict that the president will start the arc de trump before any kind of permitting or planning is complete, die before it's finished, and stiff the contractors.

I think white house staffers and federal government employees loving Hitler is a real issue

this is the most like a mike tyson's punch out guy i have ever seen anyone look

If ICE nabs me and sends me somewhere I hope its to a cool country that has affordable health care and living wages and a functioning government

Hard to express clearly enough how little desire there is for this kind of AI garbage. Maybe "gA.I.rbage"?

I've never seen someone move goalposts this much closer

Long term effects of having one of these ultraviolet flytraps in your house is quickly breeding a new species of fly, immune to the fatal light attraction. 12 months with it is like 50 generations of naturally selected fly survivors

the prophecy is fulfilled

Playoff baseball got me like

i hope these gentlemen lived happily ever after

If Elvis lived it sucks to think he’d be doing Jeep or Bud Light commercials on tv

“The economy is actually doing great”

I bet this is homemade sausage from a bear or some dead animal he found. I've never seen sausage in a store look like this

Didn't see Drake at the ALCS game 1. Not a baseball guy i guess

She’s running

i love eugenio suarez's katt williams hair. it's so silky.

Amazing to have 9 completions, >50% completion, and still get fewer than zero yards

This is sadder than baby shoes

"everything's better with [sour cream]?? No it isn't. That isn't true.

It's a real tribute to Diane Keaton that guys of a certain age are still mad at her for what she did to Sonny Corleone

Love when noted orthopedic surgeon BOOGER MCFARLAND gives medical advice to a college player who he's never seen in person "the thumb is structurally sound"

Mark Sanchez's defense will focus on how he was exercising in the alley behind the hotel, and how the delivery truck driver was double parked and interfered with his exercise.

This is when I knew the Amazon series Cocaine Quarterback would be good. Everyone should know at least one "Spanky"

Where did all those militia guys go? The ones that clung to the 2nd amendment for fear of government overreach. Don't hear about those guys lately

Norway is a 14 year old girl and Trump is going to invade it if it doesn't give him what he wants

Cooking school fantasy football team name: Get off Maillard

I see the little M & b mixed into this logo but i still think it's the worst team logo in MLB

Pogs for people that bombed the SATs

I write my tweets on paper and flush them down the toilet so nobody will ever see the stupid shit that i think of

Budweiser should come out with a porter and call it Bud HEAVY™

Hello 9-1-1?