The president is going to bomb Iran to create a distraction to abduct this guy

How are the seahawks worth less than a quarter of what elon paid for Twitter

Revised National Parks Webpage Describes Harriet Tubman As Human Trafficker https://theonion.com/revised-national-parks-webpage-describes-harriet-tubman-as-human-trafficker/

At least the nevernudes wore jean SHORTS. He's swimming in pants like it's 1910

He said "a second opinion", not that it would be any good

Oh, so the truth offends you then? These guys are gonna speedrun us into Soviet era stuff in everything. like I figure at this rate we're gonna get Lysenkoism back

Bitcoin you in danger girl

If i were branding an artificial intelligence assistance bot I'd call it Al or Albert or Alfons or something starting with an A and an L

Jon Bernthal is the best actor at driving cars. No one else conveys attitude through a steering wheel so well

Trump is going to take credit for ending the measles outbreak in a couple years. And he'll blame Biden for RFK Jr after he fires him

Setting ten dollars on fire in front of a grocery store as a protest against avocados

Came across this graphic in a document from the Los Angeles County Public Health Dept. and I LOVE the population rankings, if you needed a reminder of how *insanely huge* LA County is. #maps #infographics #graphics

The two bidets are needed for plausible deniability and because these people all have two assholes

Olympic villages are full of the worlds greatest athletes and then the people who do curling

Here it is, your moment of zen.

Let ski jumpers have the biggest windsuits. Let them launch themselves miles. Make it a minutes long airborne obstacle course. This is silly

Jon Bernthal's character in His & Hers has the same name as Tom Cruise's character in Oblivion.

Pottery and basket weaving classes will really pay off after WW3

They should have an olympic ski pentathlon, with one person doing: Moguls, Giant slalom, Distance jump, Big air, Cross country/shooting.

Immigration seems like reverse colonialism

Both of these premises are inaccurate. 'Survive' what? I think he's trying to say people would die defending NATO or the EU?

So if while he's in Italy he falls in love with and marries a contessa, would that make her...

🙏

yeah.... I think its time for a rewatch of Cool Runnings

Was this a vatican themed routine? He's dressed like a cardinal

CBP officers get $10k if they complete the academy, $10k if they go to a certain location, and $40k if they stick around for 4 years

Russia v Ukraine olympic hockey: winner gets the Donbas. Tomorrow night, women's hockey battles for Crimea.

It would be cool if winter olympics had snow

Edoardo Bove comes on for Watford 440 days after going into cardiac arrest (during Fiorentina v Inter)

Hell yeah new mexico, minnesota, and connecticut, respectively.

Studying 👏weather 👏is 👏woke!!

I love when they put a person together for a movie poster and get the proportions all wrong

Happy Valentine's day everyone

Now watching the Jack Abramoff written and produced cold war propaganda flick filmed in Namibia back when it was still called West South Africa, before Abramoff was sentenced to 5+ years for fraud and corruption

Bezos is in his lloyd christmas phase.

Just heard Wemby talk for the first time. I didn't realize human voices could be that low

If New Zealand had a hockey team would the IOC allow a pregame frozen Haka?

Calling my boss and hanging up real fast so it looks like a missed call

Glove found near Guthrie's mother's house had transgender slogans written on it

The FBI WILL hunt you down and WILL find you SO LONG AS your family member calls them and rats you out

Remember when they primaried this kid out of congress for saying 'hey everyone's having weird sex parties and doing coke'?

jail

This lady should say it wasnt attempted arson, it was a political demonstration, first amendment protest to ICE. That's why she did it on camera in sandals

I would go to starbucks if they had a self-help line where i could get drip coffee for a dollar

He said "never in the room with him" because he thinks being on his island doesn't count as a room

If you had to pick the oeuvre of only one Quaid, it's hard to think of a reason not to pick Randy. Dennis basically only has Innerspace, Any Given Sunday, and a bunch of garbage