My addition to the dictionary would be unifying leafblower onomatopoeia: BBLLLRRRTHHRRRBBBPPT

If you do get selected for jury duty, make the cut, and still want to get out of it, falling asleep during open arguments is a very good tactic. Follow me for more helpful tips on avoiding civic duty

Erosion of trucker unions and wages for motor vehicle operators in the US is indirectly causing damage to infrastructure. Evey time an oversized load takes out a bridge or overpass it's weeks or months of shutdown/repairs because a driver had been awake for 14 hours and makes $52k per year.

I've had potatoes four different ways today. I think that's some kind of personal record. But I know i can do better

HMMM🐍🐍how long have you been cobra?

Folks,,, we go him

Didn't know Dano had shooters like DDL. I've heard zero people defending Tarantino's taste

Daniel Day Lewis came out of Instagram retirement to show support for Paul Dano. King shit.

grocery store clerk was finally about to tell me why the grape bags are always open when two guys black bagged him into an suv waiting in the parking lot

Missing out on the CFBP and then saying you won't play in ANY bowl game is really funny.

Imagine @ing the president three times in the same tweet as well as a dead guy who never had Twitter

I have said this before, but after the first OT they should move to the QBs doing the Dr Pepper challenge

He wants to give US territory back to native american tribes??? Wow, very woke of him

I can't believe village people are doing YMCA at the World Cup group draw. It's like they let trump pick the playlist. Why not F - I - F - A instead of YMCA??! It's right there

HERE WE ARE IN WYOMING'S LARGEST VENUE TO WITNESS THE QUARTERFINAL MATCH

Trump calling Infantino "Johnny"

FIFA final draw program is so awkward

This is how we all die.

I love the idea that modern archaeologists think they can figure out hieroglyphs from 5,000 years ago but I can't get a modern consensus on whether this 🙏 is a high five or prayer hands

Fresh dystopian hell from Samsung fridges with ads.

Sir, people are wondering if your recent spate of racist insults on groups of americans are attributable to some Kuato like mastermind hidden in your neckussy?

Call me a prude or whatever but I don't think anyone should get a book deal over a texting affair. Some actual contact needs to be made

Max strength PainQuil and PainQuil PM™ seem like dark developments in the world previously occupied exclusively by DayQuil and NyQuil

The Wolves are losing by 15 to the Pelicans

Users: pointing to "end to end encryption" in terms of service for whatsapp/discord/SMS... FBI: 📖 👀 hmmm interesting

Among MANY OTHER things happening here, its *he* and Fang Fang

Software designer 1: OK, we're about to ship this code for scheduling meetings. What should the default time be for literally everyone everywhere? Software designer 2: MIDNIGHT sd1: 👍👍

The only AI i care about

Klay Thee Stallion

NFL: Guy clearly getting knocked out on a play Commentators: oh nooo, we hope he's ok. Maybe a concussion?? Broadcast: Anyway here's a few slow motion replays of that guy getting knocked out

I love the branding here by scientology that among all the other things wrong with their religion (??) the reason you should give it a try is that it's NEW like the latest dorito flavor

Weird how they only let nonces drive this car

Brian Dennehy. 180 movies. All kinds. Classics, pulp, comedy, westerns, rambos, that boxing one where his bareknuckle trick is headbutting people's fists

Doesn't know what the test was for but he knows the results were perfect. And he has no health problems whatsoever despite a lifetime of obvious lying and clear signs to the contrary (sleeping in meetings, bruised hands, cankles, never exercising, being an old fat shit who keeps talking about dying)

I'm no expert on Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner but i think only one dead bird around the neck is necessary for the curse

Other than letting the Ole Miss players decide, my main opinion is that all Lane Kiffin coaching stories should for the rest of the year be tagged #OleMiss-erable

If you see one of these in a restaurant you're about to have a great breakfast

The few. The proud. The people who can do that really loud whistle thing with their fingers

trump: “no see we HAVE to blow up those boats in the caribbean, they could be carrying drugs!” also trump:

Just like me in high school at a party

Wow I didn't know stephen miller was a tribal member

Pharmacies love to blame closures on theft or minimum wage or homeless people instead of the obvious main cause: amazon and online retailers.

Why are Billy Bob Thornton and Luke Wilson beefing over mobile phones? I'm going to assume this is Angelina Jolie's doing

Bring these back wtf

You can track the viewership of the new season of stranger things by looking up boppers on google trends

Kids were really hoping one of today's games would end with a final score of 6-7