Goodnight

I have been obsessing over CMAT this morning. She’s ace.

It’s a new dawn It’s a new day It’s a new life And I’m feeling Pretty stiff.

Good.

Anyone else? I love my work but most days I don’t wanna go to work.

Listening to Portishead Dummy. Have loved this since I was about 13 & had no idea what the lyrics alluded to.

Well marvellous, predictive text just meant I ended & sent a formal email with “Besties, Willow”

Exciting news. I have started legal proceedings. In that, I’ve made an offer to buy my ex out of the house. It’s taken 17 years of being a carer & 3-4 years of earning as self employed single mum to get to this stage. It may explain WHY I do so much despite being full time carer.

Been for a massage. Whenever anyone shows me tenderness to my hands, whether it’s a caress or a massage or any sort of fuss, I don’t half get a surge of emotion. Somatic something or other.

When I arrive at the party

Am super tired with headachyness, so without further dillydally am portering oneself to bed with some hot honey & cinnamon milk, to languish in linen & feel both self congratulatory, & stern, about somethings.

My God facebook is a terrible place. I just looked at my memories.

Think I shall go have a hot bath. I don’t care that it’s 3pm, I have a break from work right now, then back to clients from 6pm. This is my ‘evening’.

Have delivered another four week support group to parents of children with heart conditions for Cardiomyopathy UK charity. Always a privilege to support families & to provide validation & information while they manage lives around very poorly children.

Bad night’s sleep & worry in my heart half the night. Not a helpful start. Went to visit an alternative provision education setting that my still-out-of-school Autistic ADHD son might be able to access 2 days a week. I feel hopeful for him. It tethers me to this location for yet more years, though.

I miss Carps on socials. His epic Tuesday morning threads from the crapper were so funny.

Why does a post about sexy pastry get more engagement than my dark, existential queries??

Can you imagine the absolute horror of having to have a ‘head shot’ for publicity & that bastard thing hanging around representing you forever, so much so, strangers think they know you because of what they’ve projected into your monochromatic head & shoulders. The terror I feel over this is wild.

However you messed up at work today at least you didn’t autocorrect the word soul and send an email telling someone they were a beloved soup.

List 3 things you think you’re known for and your followers will tell you if you’re right or wrong 1. Early morning philosophical multi post threads that leave people bewildered or dazed 2. Making jam & jam labels with mice on 3. Going on adventures with the feller & the little dog on boats.

Every year me & the kids add to our christmas singalong playlist. When they were little OBVIOUSLY it was innocent carols, but now the youngest is 15, I’m adding todays accidental discovery, which has had me in stitches. I’m sharing, for fun OBVIOUSLY youtu.be/_Kqqd0xXnfQ?...

Bought some ‘artisan’ baker mince pies in Banbury at the market on Saturday & .. this evening put one in the oven after the spuds were baked & my word, CRISP BUTTERY PASTRY

Is this stage of a woman’s life characterised by smelling diesel smoke constantly or did I just spend the weekend with @grovedigger.bsky.social

Original Prints of various sizes for sale 5x5, 6x6 8x8 inches. Can sign & frame them for gifting purposes.

I have things to look forward to. Well, I’m eagerly anticipating anyway. 1. Son’s adhd assessment report 2. Grading for last MA assignment 3. The response from my arch enemy, Gargamel, when he receives my potentially life changing legal letters this week.

I’m contemplating taking on a cat’s mindset. Sit on roof. Watch other cats. Contemplate fucking over the pigeons. Miaow loudly to come in an open door. Sleep on stovetop. Lick the butter.

Just a reminder that this is the real person behind my avatar!

Taking my son by train to London, to his last ever appointment at Great Ormond St Hospital for children next month as he is moving to adult services: i received the email & read in my insufficiently caffeinated state that my train etiquette was ready to be downloaded.

Very good cauliflower cheese on the go here.

Despite a very lovely weekend, I appear to have entered one of the “I don’t think this Universe is the right fit for me, let’s see if I can find the alternate Universe portal key” sense of awareness. I like who I am, but hate that sensation of being just out of tune with the overall melody.

I really love this.

Nonce alert

I have about recovered from a very good night out. The man who got stomped on had elbowed me in the eyes twice, with over exuberant bad dancing.

Reading Silvia Federici in the half light, my beloved laughing in his sleep by my side, the little dog curled peacefully in the nooks of our bodies. I am sitting, sipping coffee & absolutely stunned by a line in the book: how we should fear automation not for being usurped but because we already are

Something that it’s important to note about disability; Even if you are not currently disabled, if you live for long enough, you will become so. It is inevitable. Fighting for the rights of disabled people is not only the right thing to do, it also benefits your future self

Well, there was this whole song we used to sing about him

Chia seeds are nature’s glitter, I swear, you eat chia one day & the seeds turn up everywhere.

It is SHAWL weather.

I’m almost 46 & so feeling the effects of middle age, which includes wondering frequently whether I remain attractive, which in itself makes me wonder whether that’s relevant any more because I don’t need to attract but one man.. but I still love dressing in lovely clothes & doing my hair etc.

Walking through a field a long way from a wood, I found a bronzing oak leaf lying in the mud. The sky was blue the air was still So I concluded it got there by its own free will.

Added cinnamon to my coffee this morning, for genteel delusion. Hospital trip for the teen son today, to find out how much worse his kidney function is. I can’t imagine it’s better, his blood pressure is so worrisome 165/100 average & he’s on multiple medicines to control it already.

10 good things that happened today 1. My skin didn’t fall off 2. Ten toes, man 3. Across the country 4. Nobody played Babybird’s hit ‘You’re Gorgeous’ at me 5. Dishwasher tablets 6. I made good soop 7. @grovedigger.bsky.social is ace 8. Fountain pen writing 9. Lebkuchen 10. See pic

Went for a dentist check up today. My dentist is fine.

Teenage boys coming in for a kiss”

I have a 30 mile drive to work on Mondays, over toward Rutland water & it’s so nice. Beautiful scenery, 50 mins of audiobook each way.. paid handsomely for the work I do.. makes up for a lot of the at home horrors.

I made some white bean soup with lemon & garlic & rosemary, feeling so hopeful of it tasting great and not being pure fart fuel.

It’s nice isn’t it? The quiet

About to begin a Mariokart wii tournament. I am Princess Peach.

So I’ve been listening to Semisonic all afternoon and remembering things (casually like, not war, just my youth) and thinking how great they are/were. I was a huge Ben Folds fan so kind of overlooked semisonic but they were quite similar in places I think.