The structure is absolutely dorked up and frankly never worked.

MORPHEUS: They're coming for you, Neo. I can guide you, but you must do exactly as I say. Take the elevator to the lobby and go to the CVS across the street. Purchase 5 Steam gift cards at $200 each. Scratch off the protective coating on the back and tell me the fifteen digit redemption codes. Hurry

glenn beck *sobbing*: please sir. i am begging for a light in the darkness. what has happened to our beautiful country?? AI george washington *tilting around head like a tv with motion smoothing on* : Great question! America’s political problems aren’t just unprecedented—They’re downright scary!

Jesse Minter needs to be Michigan’s DC IMO

This is my nation’s favorite sport, it is legalized battery between armored men who play in colorful pajamas, the sight of it is an grotesquerie we should hide from God’s eyes whenever possible I love it more than life itself

Trump watched Gladiator and thought Commodus was the hero

To be clear this is an AI image. It would be great if their account wasn’t posting this shit, but no one in the military wears identifying patches in the field.

Every Marine just said, “zero, zero”

Be even cooler if the planes were safe, on-time, and I didn’t know who the Secretary of Transportation was

Every legal story now is either Ancient Circuit Judge Delivers Crystal Clear 100 Page Rebuke To Trumpist Overreach or In Unsigned Shadow Docket Decision, 6-3 Majority Declares Trump Can Hunt People For Sport

The HBO drama about the Gunpowder Plot is, ugh, bad. It is hysterical there was a self storage rental place underneath Parliament though.

Allowing The Princess Bride means it remains easy mode. Has *anyone* watched that so few times?

Between getting engaged to Taylor Swift and leading the Chiefs to a 6-7 record, Travis Kelce is approaching a 100% approval rating among 12-year-olds

Football is harder to watch every year. Watched soccer all weekend. People get injured, but nothing like this.

The insidious thing is the statement is true on its face. Of course you wouldn’t give vaccines to anyone if the harm outweighed the benefit. Problem is, of course, the benefit is exponentially greater than the harm.

Down to 9 and I think the coach was tossed

Now they’re down to 10 after Fran Garcia got a second yellow lol

Madrid are losing 58 minutes in. They look a bit stuck in the mud

Movie you have watched more than six times with a GIF: hard mode. No Stars (Wars or Trek), LOTR, or Marvel

Welcome to Selection Sundae!

Bowl games aren’t profitable

Every team in America is promising to fire their coach and give him the entire county if he leaves Indiana

Indiana has literally never had an unbeaten, untied conference season. Like in over 100 years

National Security Advisor Pelt to Ohio State, but about 13-10s

Fernando Mendoza's backup is his brother Alberto, which means all the Indiana quarterbacks who didn't make the depth chart are below the Mendoza line.

Nothing about this makes sense. That tiny boat going to Europe from Venezuela? Second strike because the guys in the water hadn’t surrendered (to whom)?

Even though the Bucks are driving the Hoosiers are getting through the line. Then they got a 3rd down sack. That was what Michigan couldn’t do last week on defense.

Really impressive a 13 year-old like Sayin is this calm

Today we are Hoosiers

Crap forgot about Gus. His schtick is worn thin

Alabama on pace for a rushing Rutger

Liverpool…

"This isn't a question it's more of a comment."

You would think the cartel Trump supports would raise prices as it consolidates its monopoly, but he’s an idiot

Kirk wants a day off

One of these for a billion FIFA peace prizes

Perfect

A+ non profits always have evil lairs and not a folding table that doesn't balance with a 1996 speakerphone on it

The cuisines in Brazil/Morocco/Haiti/Scotland

Nancy Mace made a fake video of herself signing a piece of paper. What the fuck

Trump intentionally bankrupted the US Institute of Peace and then put his name on the building. It’s self-aggrandizing while insulting the work of thousands he intentionally destroyed. Literally his entire life distilled in one act.

Corruption is not illegal if you have the right contact

My teenager loves these

Dude they used to consistently get A-list Republicans to stand as props behind him. Now it's Ted Cruz and a bunch of D-listers.

Pentagon watchdog brushing up on resume

Where's the mashing a button to prosecute corruption regardless of party image?

Also there’s no way to know whether the actors are signed with Netflix when the movie comes on and if you don’t watch you die