I call my fists Strunk and White because they have the elements of style.

Hagueseth

When a President calls for the death of lawmakers protecting the oath military members take to the Constitution (NOT the President), you are watching a full-blown Constitutional Crisis. This is the ultimate test of our democracy. We cannot look away.

#Epstein seems to say that Clinton and Gore never went to the island.

We knew the Epstein case would end with Trump going down. Didn’t realize it also started with him going down.

The fact that he clarified whose penis it WASNT and not that Trump didnt suck it is absolutely WILD.

The Kremlin disguised a nearly $100 mn payment to Trump in the form of a brokered real estate deal... and both Jeffrey Epstein and William Pulte were involved in the deal. That's very interesting.

Why is the gate agent for my flight always the least communicative and quietist of everyone within earshot?

I feel like a kid agin watching all these baseball players with mustaches and mullets, but I’m like 20 years older than all of them.

Thanks, Google, for the stylized, high-contrast version of the photo I took to remember where I parked.

the world’s on fire but my baseball team has a catcher with a huge butt and 58 home runs

here's a direct link to canceling your Disney+ account. post your cancellations in the comments. www.disneyplus.com/commerce/acc...

I just can’t believe our Reichstag Fire is the Big Balls Beatdown.

You know how people called women hysterical for predicting the right wing would take down Roe v. Wade (which they've done) and then attack access to birth control (which they're doing)? Hear me when I say that women's very right to vote is next. www.npr.org/2025/08/09/n...

Democrats: What do we need to do to win back disillusioned voters? Voters: Stand up to Trump and fight him like our lives depend on it. Democrats: Alienate our base while we chase bros who will never vote for us. Got it. Voters: That's not- Democrats: Can you give us five dollars right now?

"We here at the New York Times take pride in our ability to start national conversations on important subjects, such as 'What the fuck is going on at the New York Times?' and 'Is there lead in their drinking water?' or 'Maybe it's a gas leak?'"

They're building concentration camps with money they stole from medicare.

war, economic anxiety, existential dread — and still no pop punk revival???? smh

Mr. Antiwar President has us inches away from a Civil War at home and a nuclear war abroad in defense of an ally that is starting random hot regional wars to detract from its ongoing genocide. I’m sure all of this will just naturally cool off.

i'm surprised by how low energy and farcical that whole military parade situation was. I was expecting Moscow 1945 and we got Spirit Halloween instead.

Newsom: "The notion that the US active duty Marines, these heroes, would be used to militarized the streets of an American city is an abomination. The Founding Fathers did not live and die to see that happen in this country for no reason whatsoever than vanity."

Powerful statement by Sen. Alex Padilla. Please notice that anytime senators or representatives try to conduct oversight, they’re blocked. In this case, a sitting US senator was tackled to the ground and handcuffed—for asking a question. Where the hell has Chuck Schumer been on this?

Here is Senator Alex Padilla's entire full statement after being detained by Donald Trump and Kristi Noem's Department of Homeland Security. Like he said, if they're doing this to a sitting Senator, imagine what they're doing to other people. Unconscionable.

The correct response to state violence is more protest, more people. Make it clear that a free people cannot and will not be oppressed.

Nostalgia in politics can work for more than one thing, it doesn't only have to be a guy saying "Don't you miss being racist" it could be a different guy saying "Remember when people had pensions"

Another big FU from Harvard… free online courses on the US government, the US constitution, civic engagement, and more. pll.harvard.edu/subject/gove...

Just found out today that Kokomo is not a real place. I just thought we were picking the wrong cruise itineraries.

Stop buying coffee from El Salvador

The worst part about seeing myself in the rear facing camera is realizing that I’m a lot taller than my wife and kids, so that’s how they see me all the time.

🚨Georgetown University Law Center students are detailing which law firms have caved and which have stood up to the Trump regime. They have created this spreadsheet: docs.google.com/spreadsheets... Please share widely.

It’s really strange how Trump figured out that Executive Orders are basically “longer tweets that drive giant media attention” and the media hasn’t figured it’s being played each time they report on these as if it’s Moses coming down the Mount with stone tablets.

I feel like the Simpsons universe should use base 8 numbering. Do they ever address this? Or maybe in Futurama? There’s nothing special about 10, except for our mean number of fingers, right?

As a lawyer, Google Doc’s autocorrection of “cite check” to “cute check” is upsetting.

Just realized that there is a difference between the Assassin’s Creed logo and the Volcom logo. I had thought there were a bunch of middle aged dudes who like videogames.

I’m not sure I’m a responsible enough adult to live this close to a Taco Bell.

It was both a blessing and a curse to learn that I can get a replacement remote for my TV for like $5 overnighted to my house. Now, when I give up on trying to find where my kids hid the remote, I buy a new one. Inevitably, I find the old one just before the new one arrives.

Looking at my 4th grader’s class picture, it’s encouraging to see that less than half of them know how to smile for pictures. It’s not just my kid. When do people figure that out?

The biggest loser in the 2024 election might be Grover Cleveland: the “first” president to serve non-consecutive terms is not all that interesting. Will kids even learn about him in school anymore?

Playing Horizon: Forbidden West and Fallout 4 to distract myself from politics, and the post-apocalyptic themes are feeling much less like fantasy than they used to…

It’s really strange watching Twitter effectively go down on the same day Reddit shut down third party apps. Like, the internet hasn’t felt this hard to use and devoid of easily accessible, useful information since the early 2000s.

Me at everyday at lunch: *open non-dairy yogurt and take a bite* *check expiration date* “I guess that’s what it’s supposed to taste like…”

As bad as the new methods of teaching math may be, I feel even less equipped to help my kids identify what is a fruit and what is a vegetable. Nothing they told us when we were kids was correct.

80+ shrines into TOTK and I still hit Up to switch abilities instead of L at least 75% of the time. Relatedly, I reach for the non-existent stick every time I try to change gears when I borrow my wife’s car.

Playing TOTK with my 6 y/o, just like I played the original Zelda with my dad when I was 6…about 36 years ago. I wish I could share it with him, too.

Wise words: “a falling knife has no handle.” Less profound words that apparently still needed to be said to me: “Don’t try to stop a falling plate with your foot; let it break.”

The best part of the MCU is that it helped me convince my son that Shawarma is amazing. Also, the scene where the Guardians find Thor floating in space.

Translating my 6-year old: “Leprechaun Trap Day” = St. Patrick’s Day.