*taps sign*

Do. Not. Do. This. First of all, Auschwitz and the ICE camps are NOT the same. We need to call them what the are and identify them accurately so we can fight them in the right way. Second of all, HOW DARE YOU do wordplay with death camps where Jews were tortured and massacred.

Instagram just fed me a personalized ad for a squirt-proof fluid-absorbing sex blanket, as if I’m out here involuntarily dumping buckets of cum into my mattress (I am)

Over a-thousand years later and the Vikings are still racking up Ws

poopin on the big ol’ hockey tonk toilet

This too shall piss

Anyone know of something I can be outraged about today? Kinda at a loss here

The thing about eating a rich cheese is you can’t go balls deep and shove it down your throat. If you eat cheese like it’s a bag of chips, the novelty will wear off halfway. There’s a delicate pacing. You really have to almost edge yourself.

I feel like eating cheese is itself an emotion and we simply lack the capacity to uniquely describe it with language. It’s not unlike how in quantum field theory, Feynman Diagrams provide a useful albeit pale imitation of what is otherwise incomprehensible to our feeble primate brains.

It’s tough to not share with potential employers that I maintain the biggest jewish feed on bsky because on the one hand i want them to see my work, but on the other i would rather they not know how much i joke about sucking dick

I wish I still was in t-shirt printing so i could make an “Aldi sluts” shirt

uho haha

My phone’s face ID didn’t recognize me as I eked out last night’s cheese block on the toilet, and let me just say that clearly this thing does not know me.

did anything think to ask ChatGPT to kill ITSELF?

I’m starting to understand why all your holidays were originally Pagan traditions

Christians, stop appropriating our Chinese food Christmas tradition. Go home and worship your tree or whatever

It’s Christmas Eve, NOT Christmas and Steve

Every fifth pitcher in the 70s was a dude with a Civil War handlebar-mustache named some shit like Dick Hustle.

I’m opposed to using ChatGPT for any writing whatsoever, but I am curious how it would handle a professional email explaining that I haven’t completed my current projects because I’ve had a near-steady stream of diarrhea blasting into the toilet for hours

nothing quite like waking up in a fiery rage

the behavioral arc of the universe is long but it bends towards me becoming my fucking dad

amazing story, bestie. love the number of paragraphs. i didn’t tap through it, bestie.

ELPHABA and GLINDA will return SUMMER 2027 in SINNERS 2

i actually find it is much easier to twerk one’s testicles than anus

I wrote this piece and @robotbutt.bsky.social done went and published it. It’s inspired by a true story—by which I mean, given infinite time in an infinite universe eventually everything that could happen will. Go check it out www.robotbutt.com/2025/11/18/i...

🎶 some people call me the space jew boy / some people call me Mauritz 🎶

Hot take, but I feel like at this point someone using ChatGPT to run the government would be an improvement

If this whole mess has taught me anything it’s that you cannot trust the people in charge. Like what the fuck even is a comptroller? Just a bunch of made up bullshit, if you ask me. Anyway. Does anyone know where in the county directory I call to report tuberculosis?

Beatboxing in the bathroom to drown out the otherworldly sounds of what I’m doing to your toilet.

Live in LA and need the perfect gift? Love buying things *and* supporting reproductive care and justice? Stop by the LAGRH Made With Love boutique on Saturday November 15!

Obviously this is ridiculous as a policy for employees but also as a customer my blanket preference from any people working in any store anywhere ever is “leave me the absolute fuck alone” Smiling?? Eye contact?? TALKING TO ME???? Absolutely not!!!!

fisher outside of a croissant store, 2023

Raccoons are aquatic marsupials

When you crawled into my head you thought you could take me. But this is my dome, my home court, and I am the undefeated heavyweight champion of hypothetical arguments that I completely made up.

so what have you guys been watching tonight

q: why did the outfielders raise their arms during this play? a: according to the ancient scrolls in which the rules of baseball were found, if a ball lands and doesn't bounce that ball is declared god. the players were worshipping god. i doubt there will be a game 7 or any further baseball seasons

ICE Agent, 7-Year-Old Both Wearing Same ‘Military Commando’ Halloween Costume

Democracy needs your help

69 is supposedly the "sex number" but imo 88 is far more erotic because it looks like two people sucking their own dick

with generative AI getting so real it's honestly good sense to whip your balls out on OnlyFans and get ahead of the potential sex blackmail

Conducting a poll. What kind of content would you like to see on this account? 1. Racoon facts 2. Mountain Dew reviews 3. Ending every post with "how 'bout that, Jack?" 4. Continue joking about sucking dick

Conducting a poll. What kind of content would you like to see on this account? 1. Racoon facts 2. Mountain Dew reviews 3. Ending every post with "how 'bout that, Jack?" 4. Continue joking about sucking dick

My favorite thing to do on an airplane is open the window shade and stare out for approximately five minutes, then fall asleep so no one else can—oh wait, that’s the guy next to me.

alright, that’s it for rapid fire posting. thank you for watching and don’t forget to dislike and unsubscribe

spreading my asshole in the twerk position at my colonoscopy all “mr director, i’m ready for my close up”

the thing about rapid fire posting is that it will never get old, it will never get annoying—you are beloved, cherished, blocked

when the truth is an obstacle, false gold is worth its weight in silver

I think my instagram feed is trying to reach @jewish.bsky.social

[crashing a van into the allegheny river] when you think about it, cars really are a depreciating asset

love when people bookmark my skeets. go ahead and show your therapist what has been keeping you up at night, slay girl