Man City have Doku on one wing and Semenyo on the other, getting into loads of space, but they seemingly are barred from crossing it for their huge striker. I don't get it. Just fucking cross it boys

FOI reveals that within the first week in office, Dr Mary-Ann Stephenson requested a meeting with Sex Matters to discuss "mutual priorities and ways to work together going forward"

Ellie: I spoke to you today because I wanted us to be friends 😭 Rachel the Robot: illogical. Friendship is not our primary directive 🤖

Roxy: Stephen I think you're a tr... Stephen: 😧 Roxy: ...uly amazing faithful Stephen: 😧

Imagine Stephen had been banished in episode 1 and he had to pack up dozens of his wonderful outfits without any of them seeing the light of day. Not worth thinking about.

Bro you're more than a friend to me. You're a friend of the pod

Friend 1: right what are we ordering. I fancy pizza Friend 2: hmm I'd prefer Indian Friend 3: I could go a burger Friend 4: pizza for me tbh Claudia Winkleman suddenly entering the room: so.... a vote count

Palantir, which Wes Streeting is giving your health care records to, and which Labour has given a contract for military analytics to, is working with ICE in the United States to work out who to raid. www.404media.co/elite-the-pa...

Jesus. www.startribune.com/ice-raids-mi...

Hello. I'm a former FBI agent. I can give you training before you go on the Traitors. No sorry I can't show you my credentials, that's top secret. Ok. Yes it'll be £10,000 pounds per hour. Listen do you want to win or not

[replying to your text weeks later] sorry just seen this. I was the one guy Britain sent to Greenland

Harriet's detective work #TheTraitors

Stephen is gonna 😧 his way to the final

Contestants: *do anything* Claudia: the traitors are fucking laughing at you btw. They think you're fucking pathetic

Furthermore: Does anyone on this show know what evidence is

How does one even go about getting training from the FBI hahahah. 'Hello FBI, one training course please. Yes for the telly.'

“I don’t think that’s evidence I just think it’s your thoughts”

Does anyone on this show know what a secret is

Ironically, whoever secretly took a shield is obviously not a traitor. Traitors make a big show that they desperately want one

Harriet's going to release a crime novel called 'A Cat Amongst The Pigeons' by the end of the year, bookmark this

'Might I suggest gently laying out your case for Rachel being a traitor? You have selected TREAT RACHEL WITH AS MUCH DISTAIN AS YOU WOULD TREAT AN ACTUAL MURDERER.'

Harriet's doing a book event in Glasgow Waterstones soon, I'm too scared to go now

'You want me to post a picture of what I looked like in 2016 you sick fuck?'

Gender criticals treated the Cass Review as the word of God, and cast anyone disagreeing with it as dangerous/unscientific/not fit for polite society. But now the entire GC movement is united in opposing a puberty blockers trial, despite it being something Cass called for. They are not honest people

Is there a good reason why people who are charged with what i assume is criminal damage have been kept on remand for more than 18 months? To say “that seems excessive” is a significant understatement.

BBC reporter, with soaking wet hair: Trump, however, said it was a glorious sunny day, so it looks like the argument will continue

Obviously a positive step to make it illegal to use the Big Pedo Image Generator but shouldn't they also make it illegal to create a Big Pedo Image Generator

[potential light spoiler for future eps of The Pitt season 2] . . . . . I've just read that there will be ICE agents in season 2 and the showrunner wanted to be 'fair to both sides'. Yikes. Bad enough when they would have filmed it, but now... Surely they edit that heavily

High concept cop shows in the 90s/00s: my colleagues don't trust my methods. because I can see into the future High concept cop shows now: my colleagues don't trust my methods. Because I am autistic

Fiona voting Sam I think makes sense actually. She knows it's between her and Sam so a vote on Rachel would be a waste. If Sam goes, it buys her one more day

Hahaha Fiona couldn't have been more dismissive of Stephen's crocodile tears. 'Don't do that'

Me on literally any Teams call that takes place before about 11am. #TheTraitors

In fairness I actually think Fiona and Rachel arguing in public *could* actually work in their favour if they don't keep going for each other. Like, people only look for traitors falling out at the roundtable, never during night time drinks lol

Fiona: *with half her face blown off by the grenade she's thrown* I'm really pleased with how my grenade went down

Claudia's jumper....lovely but...do I even want to know the price

Ah here. The 10 o’clock news on BBV Radio 4 is leading with ‘JD Vance has described a woman shot dead by an ICE officer in Minnesota as a deranged leftist carrying out a terrorist attack’ This is not public service broadcasting

I'm watching Uncloaked and Amanda said she didn't have a clue who the traitors were, threw out Jade as a possibility, and then when Ed Gamble asked her about Stephen she said 'yeah I had my suspicions' fs! No you didn't!! Just admit you were rubbish!!

Stephen about to live a gay man's greatest dream of watching the ultimate motherquake #TheTraitors

'Might I suggest private chat in the turret? You have selected MUTUALLY ASSURED TRAITOR DESTRUCTION'

Just when I was starting to think The Traitors had maybe lost a bit of the magic

Hahahaha Stephen is bad at thinking on his feet at the best of times

Rachel dressing up like a minion at the roundtable. The final insult.

Tim Robinson: we're all trying to find the guy who did this Amanda: *taking him aside* you're the only person I trust to help me find the guy who crashed the hot dog car #thetraitors

As soon as they brought in an ex detective and had her say to camera 'my experience is going to be great for this game', it was an absolute certainty she would befriend a traitor

Same machine that went into overdrive to make Charlie Kirk a martyr is not contradicting itself here; it is performing the same function, which is to say only the lives of the fascists matter. In the same way if you shot a German soldier, 100 people in the nearest town would be shot.

People in telly adverts who've just won the lottery: I've just won the lottery yesss People in telly adverts who've just sorted out their will: I'VE JUST SORTED MY WILL, I'M GONNA DIE SOON YEESSSSSSSS

Me if I was on Impractical Jokers and it was my punishment: I'm not doing it. I don't care I'm not doing it

'Dad filled me in on some soccer action.' 'Soccer, Niles? Really?' 'Well, wait til you hear this. The Tottenham coach drank a beverage from an Arsenal cup.' 'Oh. A coffee based faux pas. We've all been there.' 'Exactly. I, for one, am excited to see what this Thomas Frank drinks out of next.'

David Blaine's specials are so fun. It'll be him doing a fun card trick for Paul Rudd, then cut to a voiceover like 'In the 7th century, an entertainer from Bulgaria believed he could pull his soul from his body and bathe it in moonlight'

Nice bit of movie themed graffiti in the Odeon toilet today. Of course, we all remember when Brooks wrote his name on the hotel wall, and then Red did the same, and then a 3rd ex-Shawshank resident called Brooks a gimp