Creamy Italian Tattoos

Hi, my name is Alex Goldman and I host the @hyperfixedpod.bsky.social I used to host the Reply All podcast, and I have found that so many people who liked Reply All have no idea Hyperfixed exists. It's super frustrating because I have no idea how to reach those people.

If one of them says “Moon’s haunted” when they open the hatch then we’ll know that we, the internet, have won.

Jokes on you, I’m Irish and Anxious! I took the German or Autistic diagnostic and scored Neither. I am apparently the control group. german.millermanschool.com

You have more in common with the people of Iran than you do with anyone in this administration, any member of the technocracy, anyone who is profiting from this war, or any billionaire. When you see Iranians forming human chains outside key infrastructure sites, you should feel a sense of kinship.

I don’t ever want Amy Poehler to stop making her podcast, so the rest of us need to make sure she doesn’t run out of guests worthy of her delightful show.

“I don’t have time to eat enough during the work day, so I need quick high protein meals, but I don’t have enough hours in the day to meal prep, and all the hours I’m working don’t earn me enough money to afford pre-made meals so I guess I’ll just starve?” -me/most of America rn

Studying music does not increase your SAT scores.

A woman with the most insane outfit I’ve ever seen just told me she likes my style. I’m not sure how to feel about that. I might not be projecting the “don’t perceive me” vibe I thought I was.

the funniest possible response to “art is subjective” is “no you’re wrong”

Stop doomscrolling and tell this chicken how beautiful she is.

The punk scene was famously rife with Nazis, but it was also the easiest way to get punched in the face for being a Nazi. Like a skinhead honeypot operation.

i, for one, am delighted that we finally have a definition of “woke”

Hey maybe the Mayans were right, the world ended in 2012, and Trump’s entire political career has been Jacob’s Ladder scenario 🤞

I spent a responsible amount of money on a new electric guitar, so now I feel empowered to spend an irresponsible amount of money on a new strap 🤔

Either I’m talking to a real human woman at Guitar Center or the chat bots have gotten so good they are mimicking the way we anxiously correct type-os.

Teaching is wild because you’re expected to do the work of an entire job in one 55min “prep period” each day. Responding to emails, attending meetings, making copies, creating materials, grading, contacting parents, planning curriculum, using the bathroom if you’re lucky! 55 minutes.

This is quite literally the plot of the new Pixar movie, Hoppers.

Joe Biden: Oops! All Smarm

Those are our kids and they trained us to take a bullet for them.

I absolutely must know more about the more than 20% of respondents who said their sleep *does not* suffer when their child sleeps poorly? I want that.

Live captions on ABC News keep saying Mark Twain instead of Markwayne, which is another fun little treat.

This books is breathtaking and spooky and devastating and also somehow hopeful. One of many lines that will stick with me: “Maybe we will drown or burn or starve one day, but until then we get to choose if we’ll add to that destruction or if we will care for each other.”

Me: editing a casual text for clarity and exclamation point usage for the fourth time. Marco Rubio, with what remains of his soul leaking out of his eyes: I didn’t say what you heard me say yesterday. Why would you say that.

If paradise is real, I hope the people who include photos in their negative reviews of clothing online get there. It’s so selfless and noble to be like “this dress sucks, look how bad it looks on me” and then post that online for the whole world to see and learn from 👑

Babe wake up, the Brits had an election and their racist goon got fewer votes than Sir Oink A-Lot of the Monster Raving Loony Party 🥹

For the first time since @projectsaltbox.bsky.social launched their DHS warehouse acquisition tracker, the number of canceled sales is higher than any of the other warehouse-related figures. We've reached a tipping point, folks. lookerstudio.google.com/reporting/b0...

The state? Of the union? Why are you asking, what have you heard?

I’ve seen enough (snow), I’m calling it: spring is coming.

Our IT team sent out a fake phishing attempt to see who would fall for it and it was just an email from an admin secretary that looked like she accidentally shared a budget document with me that I shouldn’t see yet. You know my nosy ass failed that test.

Almost 5, child of a musician and a film maker, attempting to build “a house for Elsa” that looks *exactly* like the video she’s been watching on YouTube. Will it be creatively frustrating? Yes. Will she learn anything about expectations and perfectionism? Genetically unlikely.

Everyone knows the full zip is code for lesbian

Similar pre-blizzard vibes tonight but now it involves Brandi Carlile and decorative hemming some Savers jeans.

Last night I had that classic “oh look, a secret hallway that leads to a part of your house you didn’t know about!” dream, but because I’m a home owning adult it immediately devolved into “I can’t believe there is plumbing and wiring I didn’t know about, this is so dangerous” 😑

Are you cold, sad, love music, maybe also women and wish you could do something to help Minnesotans tonight? Brandi Carlile is streaming her Minneapolis show tonight for a mere $29 and the proceeds go to The Advocates for Human Rights Minneapolis veeps.com/brandicarlil...

Every straight woman has started dating an Oaf of Rugged Individuality in the spring, only to find herself with an Oaf of Misery by winter. They are shape shifters and difficult to care for. Best avoided.

I am a fan of these little illustrations

Do you guys think she will skate to Golden at the exhibition

Sorry but some of the people in these Olympic Games are skiing UPHILL while carrying guns? You can get the same kind of medal for sweeping ice or SKIING UPHILL?

I don’t know it’s like…when we fight? We win? Maybe we keep fighting!?

The converse of this is I knew someone who would call men “cupcake” whenever they got too worked up or condescending. Self preservation:0️⃣ Self respect: 💯

The best Onion headlines are barely jokes

One of the custodians at my school has a kid in half day Pre-K here, so once a week he gets so stay and chill with the custodians and you guys…it’s so cute. Their office is next to my room so I get to hear grizzled older men try to entertain a 4 year old boy in at least 3 different languages 😂

I feel like it was @sarajbenincasa.bsky.social on the old site who said if someone is a youngest or only child she always calls them “the baby”

This is so god damn funny. We are all* so tired. *except for the children, who are wide awake and full of stoner philosophy questions.

When my brother started college in Boston in ‘93, they gave the freshmen McDonalds coupons to hand out if a homeless person asked for money, to “prove” that they wouldn’t want to coupons because they just wanted money for drugs. Couldn’t be that they needed things that McDs coupons can’t pay for.

🦉 Psst. A little bird told us it was Superb Owl Sunday -- so we wanted you to know about how one man is helping Snowy Owls stay out of trouble at Logan Airport. https://bit.ly/4qkkD9f

Hey Arnold What’s it like in New York City? I’m a thousand miles away but girl, tonight you look so pretty

This Lauryn Hill production is absolutely insane, are people in the room levitating? #GRAMMYs