Every GOP primary story is like “syphilis loses to pancreatic cancer”

Theo of Golden’s author was born in Alabama. His book is a great argument for gatekeepers.

I am now a Stanley person, having found a perfectly good one on the side of the road this morning.

John Sterling was too long in the booth, and I never cared for his style. But I always felt somewhat guilty criticizing him, because his joy in it came through. He loved his kids, baseball, and old movies. He was never far from any of them, even at the end. I am thinking of his friend Waldman.

not a real yankee fan unless you once thought you hated john sterling and then eventually realized you loved john sterling

Brodie Lee had covid.

@dicknixon.bsky.social Sir, I don’t know who to be more embarrassed for.

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars. We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director. Please stand by for more.

Hi, I’m Jesus of Nazareth. Welcome to Jackass.

@mattlaz1013.bsky.social & @willnevin.bsky.social cover the arrival of Scarecrow in Absolute Batman #19 comicsxf.com/2026/04/16/a...

@strictlyworse.bsky.social I would not recommend follow up Wretch. What a plodding waste of a good concept.

The Pope is the only public figure who commands equal or more press to the President of the United States. The current Pope, as you know, is a nice man from Chicago who likes baseball, candy, and being good to the poor. He is prepared to use the resources at his command. It is different.

CBS Announces Retirement Of Longtime Masters Commentators Captain Cooter And The Gooch

You wanna fuck around and get a robot antichrist? This is how you fuck around and get a robot antichrist.

Thought experiment: When Trump gets his double combover cut (because he has to get it cut, right?), do you think there’s a mirror in the room? I bet there isn’t. I bet he can’t bear to see himself in the mirror with his hair combed down to the sides.

If @knowledgefight.bsky.social has taught me anything, it’s this:

If he’s really ill, watch the betting lines.

One day, "It" will happen, by which I mean sudden and unexpected news that you want to celebrate. In such cases, you will want the right outfit. 🧵

there’s a parallel universe where Butler played out just like THE DEAD ZONE and donny held up a baby as a shield too bad we’re in the other bad timeline

@mattlaz1013.bsky.social & @willnevin.bsky.social check in on the many plates Matt Fraction has spinning in Gotham:

I'll state this plainly. It will be misread anyway, but that's your problem. Trump is president until he's not, and he retains all the power of that. He can and will do a lot of damage. But it is over for him as a political operator. It's been going that way, but the speech marks the end.

Committed white nationalists, duh

When I was in the Congress there were members too old to go home every week, so they lived in the District. They got driven to the Monocle at two o'clock, where they drank soda with bitters. They were told it was something else. They expounded on world events, so to speak. His speech was like that.

Also, remember that time we did Pissass Magazine, but we couldn't launch it on April Fools' Day because the website crashed for days and so we launched it on April 5? That was fun. comicsxf.com/2023/04/05/t...

A Brief History of People Have Lost Their Sense of Humour 🧵

I am going to spend the next seven years talking about this book and how much it fuckin’ rocks.

“The Constitution isn’t a suicide pact,” like “you can’t yell fire in a crowded theater,” is a vapid content-free bromide that translates to “my policy preferences override the constitution.” It doesn‘t mean a Goddamned thing and never has.

first post on a new platform, needs to be profound… the future sucks