self taught

Thou art too damned jolly. Sail on.

Necco wafers are good. A perfect candy, even. If you disagree, then you have been cast outside the garden. Which flavor is your favorite?

Sometimes I remember the time in my early 20s that I tried to use my birth certificate to buy alcohol at an Applebee's, and it worked.

Current Unemployment Level: Listening to the entire Seether discography in a park at 11pm while I take a loaf of banana bread straight to the dome

I am impatient of all misery in others that is not mad.

The most effective flagellation is good health

let the old man alone; never speak to him, whatever he says

This is the summer I sun my butthole. Who's with me?

All those years of speculation, investigation, and conspiracy... the answer was staring us in the face the whole time.

I'm not insufferable. I'm very sufferable. In fact, most interactions with me are successfully suffered.

Making good use of all data available to me while job searching. You too can be like me if you just dedicate yourself to the grind mindset.

several tubs had been filled with the fragrant sperm

Like 80% of the porn bots that follow me across all my socials use my ex's name and I think that should be illegal

One in the same (Preview)

Might be the greatest opening paragraph of anything ever.

Sign of the times

This is my ouroboros

Someone needs to write a thesis about why IKEA is simultaneously the most romantic and heartbreaking store to be in. I promise to read only the title then espouse my made up facts for the rest of my life.

"I got my PhD by writing prompts instead of doing research, I'm winning" got some bad news, there still no jobs and now you also know nothing

But who could show a cheek like Queequeg?

crazy what dating someone who’s fundamentally not attracted to you does to your self image and how fast it stops as soon as the relationship ends.

there's so much bad in the world but there's also people who lift up and carry an elderly bat around every day so he can pretend he's flying again, and that's the part of the world I think is worth fighting for

I love the ads at the Arnold

Oh boy. I'm not doing well

Born too stupid to be successful and too ugly to be a house-husband 😥

I did it. I applied to a new job. Maybe one day I'll escape the toxicity of my current one

if a man made up his mind to live, mere sickness could not kill him

Music is insane. What do you mean someone can make some noise then I get sad? That's sci-fi shit.

If the carwash makes you horny, what does that say about you?

"You microwaved a fish in my heart" Is this anything?

Literally all I want to do is go to the climbing gym then go home and play Barony

grease the bottom

Hey ladies, I put my hand on the passenger headrest while I'm reversing. Wanna get married?

Today I took myself out on a little sushi. Got a nigiri sampler and some hot sake. I deserve it. Am I healed? No. Am I healing? Maybe.

We will not speak of all Queequeg's peculiarities here

When you turn 35, it should become illegal to listen to music that you listened to in your early 20s. This is poison.

It should be illegal to have a headache on your day off

I need to take a massive amount of hallucinogenics

Loot that drops after defeating me: Blood (common) Shit (common) Money (uncommon) The rock I swallowed that one time on the playground when I was 7 (rare)

Is gloving just hooping for lazier people?

Consciousness was a mistake. We should go back to being bugs

*Always tired* *Low appetite* *Consistently feels worthless* *Little to no interest in things I used to love*

For Sci-Fi Cutaway Saturday: This 1969 Davis Meltzer illustration includes a pool and a ping-pong table on the moon.