Justice for Nemesis from RE:3, all he wanted in life was to kill cops.

me rewriting and deleting the same complaint post for the fifth time: “oh I think I’m depressed”

I like the song Southside by Moby a lot, but it doesn’t feel right that Moby is singing about that stuff. Like, try picturing Moby with a gun, much less looking cool with a gun. You can’t do it. Silliness.

I just saw an ad for hair removal that was like “get buttery smooth skin” and the image was an AI generated stick of butter. You couldn’t just find a photo of a stick of butter, you pathetic fucking dolt?!

I’ve finally gotten around to watching Shogun, which I’m enjoying a lot, but they use that kind of lens that gives the backgrounds this out of focus fisheye quality, which is fine, it’s a cool effect, but they use it a LOT and kinda indiscriminately at that.

I only just considered that the infected from 28 Days Later probably get so mad that they immediately shit their pants when they get infected, which yes, makes them scarier. Much to think about.

When Jordan Peterson eventually bites it, probably sooner than later by the looks of him, I feel that his most lasting impact on society will have been the phrase “there are cathedrals everywhere for those with eye to see.”

A Cruel Angel’s Peepis

There should be a vending machine at bars that sells you a single cigarette for like a quarter so you don’t have to buy a pack or bum one when you’re drinking. Also it looks like a friendly robot and it has a ray gun with an electric lighter in it.

We’ve been watching that German game show where the contestants have to cut vegetables and stuff as close to perfectly in half as possible, and it’s fun, but it KILLS me how dull the knives are

If I think about it too much, I’ll freak the fuck out! ✌️😘

Hooray! One year from today I’ll be at my FFS consult!

Are people generally aware that Scott Adams stated that Dilbert’s tie being upturned indicated his sexual desire? That’s not even a bit, he said the tie goes down when he’s sexually satisfied.

Now that Scott Adams is dead, who am I going to email with stories of my sexual escapades, an actual thing he asked his fans to do?!

Now that we watched Pluribus, I can confirm that I did end up referring to it exclusively as “Plurb.” It’s a word that feels great to say, get on it.

Before we got our second cat, I was gonna name her something stupid and funny, but then after we got her, she was so scared and timid and small that I gave her a nicer, prettier name. Turns out she’s a stupid fucking goblin and I should have named her Froggy or Onion or something.

Idk, it feels like if you’re working with a guy who has a visible SS tattoo on his neck, and your boss saw it, and nobody minds working with him in a job where you can commit violence on civilians, you have to have acknowledged and accepted at some point that you’re advancing naziism.

My cat is so beautiful when the sun is low

My wife’s job catered her lunch today, and she got an inch thick slice of carved-to-order prime rib, potatoes gratin, roasted golden beets, and fresh creamed horseradish. As she told me this, cackling, she said she couldn’t get dessert (tamarind custard) bc her plate was full. Oh how she laughed…

It’s funny, I’ve seen DBZ Abridged so much more than the actual show that that is what DBZ is to me. The jokes, the voices, the plot revisions, anything else just feels off.

The nice old lady who checked my receipt at Costco today asked me how I was. I said “pretty tired. I just rolled out of bed and came here.” She scoffed (nicely) and said “well you look amazing for someone just out of bed!” And I smiled the entire way home.

The ducks have returned to the pond behind my apartment! I’m feeling Tony Soprano style joy.

I really miss having Cody Rhodes in AEW. I don’t blame him for leaving what with the way people turned on him, and how great he’s doing in WWE, but I miss him. He brought something that nobody else has been able to replicate since he left.

If you ever need to do a little celebratory movement, I highly recommend Dave Batista’s entrance thing. It’s so satisfying to do when you’ve done a good job ⭐️

I know the consensus on the net gladiator, both then and now, is that he was the worst one, but imagine how humiliating it must have been for one of the good gladiators to die struggling impotently against a net, before getting stabbed by the gay trident guy.

Having migraines that seem to be set off when any one aspect of my body isn’t in perfect balance (too much or too little E, sugar, sodium, sleep, exercise, too much stress or anxiey, etc) is really not helping with my “maybe/maybe not” OCD diagnosis.

and so soon after the tragic loss of Stop N Shop founder Stoppard Nathaniel Shop

Me: oof, ouchies, I have a migraine! Better take the pill that helps with this! *pill sticks to the roof of my mouth when I try to swallow it, it then dissolves and releases an incredibly bitter flavor which makes me throw up* Me: darn.

I just stumbled while doing a silly bit for my wife in such a way that I suddenly put a lot of pressure on my lower stomach, which nearly transformed the silly bit into “three steps of pretending I was going down stairs, slipping, and then pissing myself.” I didn’t, but what a good bit that would be

First meal of the new year: croque madame with homemade brioche, Swiss mornay, and fried spam

I always thought TJ Miller’s career was derailed by allegations during Me Too. He did have some credible allegations against him, but apparently what did it was getting so hammered on a train that they threw him off the train and then he called a bomb threat on the wrong train.

I have had Brad Neely’s Prisoner Christmas stuck in my head since the day after Christmas. Join me in my bliss, won’t you? m.youtube.com/watch?v=Qljs...

I once saw Henry Winkler eating brunch with his family on a sunny winter’s morning in Seattle. He looked like he was having a wonderful day.

I did my shot today and it bled all over and made a mess and it put me in a foul mood. I was really hesitant to inject today too, so the fact it gushed blood was not what I needed. It’s been over a year since I bled from a shot like that, what gives?! >:[

5 perfect movies (in no particular order) -The zombie movie I made with my friend Craig when we were 12 -Night of the Hunter -Wet Hot American Summer -The Night is Short, Walk on Girl -I Saw the TV Glow

I think it worked, I’m feeling a lot better than yesterday. Pho and Collateral, it works.

I think I’m starting to get sick, so I’m going to try a remedy stolen from the gods themselves by Prometheus and given to mankind along with fire; eating pho and watching Collateral while wrapped in blankets.

The way Pennywise runs at those kids is the same way that I chase my cats when I decide they need to play with me.

So I gave that new Conjuring movie a shot…

AI ads are really good at telling you what they think of you. A dolt who mistakes a roofing tile for a book, a husk who can’t figure out how to make an email sound sincere, a checked out father who can’t be bothered to engage with his child. They think nothing of you.

The horrors are many, but I went to a women’s hockey game with my wife last night, and the lesbian energy of that arena has me glowing like the Chernobyl Elephant’s Foot.

It’s always a treat to see Pruitt Taylor Vince in something. Absolute guy I love to see.

The plot of Kairo, except instead of ghosts bridging the divide between the living and dead with the internet, they begin killing through chiropracty. The rest of the plot is exactly the same. (If I’m misremembering Kairo, shut up, I haven’t seen it since 2020)

I was just struck with a vision, a bone deep certainty, that if Musk was actually able to make the trip to mars (he won’t), the last thing he would say before leaving earth forever would be “so long and thanks for all the fish.” Because he’s a gigantic predictable loser.

Do you think pokemon miss the appendages they lose when they evolve? Do you think that when they grow new limbs, they are horrified by them? Do they get dysmorphia?

I’ve recently discovered that Milk Duds are delicious, but every time I eat one I think of the line “my nipples look like Milk Duds” from Kung Pow

Swallowed a migraine pill bad and threw up about it

Man, tacticool design really peaked with the SAS gas mask and MP5 look. Digital camo, quad tube NODs, suppressed M4s? Dogshit. Trying too hard. Go crash a billion dollar chopper into an SID safe house. Give me spooky guys dressed like Hunk any day. This has been Ellie’s gun nerd corner.

If presented with a time machine, the biggest dilemma I would have is whether I want to steal credit for the Akira slide or the Oldboy hallway fight.