People like Eve Fartlow are so funny. You're Jewish and you spend all day saying how great Israel is and how it's the only safe place for Jews... So why do you live in LA? You can just walk into Israeli citizenship.

No one and I mean NO ONE is a bigger loser than some mediocre guy with no academic qualifications who describes himself as a "philosopher" with a straight face

The more Ben Shapiro's audience shrinks the bigger his eyebrows get

Holy shit lmao what is WRONG with her??? (May need to open the image to see the extent of this fuckrie)

I need to move to Iceland I'm so fucking serious. Another 30° day might kill me. Anyone Icelandic want to adopt me? I'll wash dishes.

Siestas are fucking brilliant the Spanish had the right idea

Pretty funny that someone shot at the White House and not a single soul gives a fuck

Project Hail Mary>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Interstellar

Average @surnamatic.bsky.social interaction

Any blanket can be a weighted blanket if it's sopping wet

On chat we were discussing worst things to call your Dom. I suggested "Uncle".

Oh, you're "inviting" me for a cervical screening? How about I invite you to the Stabbing Each Other In The Ass party I'm throwing, where we stab each other in the ass.

People terrified of "Sharia Law" when a petty criminal is executed in broad daylight in a public square (it's ok cos he's black)

Zionists will be like "we have to prevent aid from getting into Gaza because all of these aid organisations work with hamas and also hamas steals all the aid that comes through and also Gazans aren't starving that's a lie" like what are they eating then??

Double embarrassment this morning - I was leaning against a perspex divider on a very humid train with Sertraline sweats and when I got up there was a giant patch of condensation where my back had been, then I realised my shirt was inside out (I'm sharing to humanise me to my beautiful followers)

Ok I liked The Boys finale

"People won't do essential but boring jobs without the incentive of wages under capitalism" I have a neighbour who spends all day picking litter and you know what? He's a total prick. He's not even doing it out of the goodness of his heart, he's just a weird mean dude who likes to pick litter.

NOBODY DESERVES TO DIE FOR BEING SUSPECTED OF SHOPLIFTING

🥺

Unironically being cast in a major role in Harry Potter as a child is more life changing, potentially damaging, and irreversible than puberty blockers

I can't emphasise enough how important it is to ostracise Israel. Boycotting apartheid South Africa made a huge difference but we can't so much as say we feel uncomfortable with Israel performing at a music competition without mealy mouthed bullshit "both sides" defences. God I'm so fucking tired.

The only honest Zionists are the truly hateful extremist ones who will straight up say Palestinians are inferior and need to be killed. The rest will tell the most obvious lies and deny the Nakba and the recent genocide to your face but cloak it in woke language, pretending not to be monsters.

The thing about Israel and Eurovision is it's fucking pathetic. You have the backing of every major western power and you're facing zero consequences but it's not enough, you have to be part of a singing competition and manipulate the vote to pretend everyone likes you. Fucking toddler country.

"birth rates are declining" don't care I already got born

A friend brought us these Durian cookies from a trip to Asia. They taste nice but I won't lie they smell like farted-on fish.

I hope Eurovision is an unbroadcastable disaster. I hope "Free Palestine" chants drown out every song and stage invaders Re constant.

Are you a Hello Kitty girl or a Miffy girl?

Make the safe word "I love you"

Hot Manchester Take: Piccadilly gardens isn't that bad

My Chemical Romance will be like "oooh something BIG is coming!!! 😉🫣😝" And then it's an email like "hello we are My Chemical Romance".

Andy Burnham is already the Prime Minister of mums thinking he's "dishy" and having nice eyelashes

probably can

Hopecore

It's so funny when people say "Eurovision shouldn't be political" like how would that even be achieved? You've got European countries in a competition featuring public votes. These are nations with blood rivalries over wars that happened 600 years ago. It will neeeevah not be political.

I'm at the age now where I actively don't want to learn about new people in the public eye. I've seen multiple mentions of someone called Mr Fantasy recently and if anyone tries to tell me who that is I'll slap them.

My endometriosis is mostly asymptomatic. Not today tho!

Just saw a woman with four kids trying to wrangle them and I was like omg that's such hard work how can a person do it then I remembered that's exactly what my mum did. I'm one of four...

I'm the Rachel Sennott of Manchester (everyone mistakenly thinks I'm queer and Jewish)

Honestly, Britain isn't that bad. You know what's really really bad? England.

Ever feel like you were born at the wrong time in terms of how hot you're considered to be? I swear I would have been such an It Girl in the Victorian era.

*Alex Jones voice*

These are the same evangelicals who think Catholics are demonic idol worshippers

I'm gonna need Scotland or Wales to gain independence and allow me to move there pls

Thank goodness for Scotland and Wales....

Type of shit I'll be on

If Reform won in your area don't despair. Simply inundate them with pointless work. See a pen on the ground? Report it as fly tipping. Don't let a single pothole go unknown to them. Send a ten page email for every lamppost bulb that goes out. Bully your local representatives. Democracy, babey.