"Why do women take so long in the bathroom?" We're crying, asshole.

Pooping is pretty gross

Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde Hero.

Wendy's saucy nuggs 😋

Birthday breadsticks

It's my birthday 🍕

🍕🍕🍕

It snowed so I made cornbread and brownies🤷🏼‍♀️

I am not accustomed to the cold

I do want a shirt with my cross-eyed face on it

I didn't know it was New Years Eve until 3 pm.

Pic from my doordash driver lmao

Much of my time is spent requesting permission from my cats to move about the house, and thanking them for letting me pass

Come join me on the farting stoop, won't you?

New box who dis

🤔

😂😂😂

"Taint descended"

Absolutely rancid vibes this Christmas. Can't say I blame anyone.

Ahhh fuck.

Has anyone named a child Heresy yet

Ugh I think my younger self would think I'm square.

Unpopular opinion: Luigi Mangione's nostrils are too big

To be loved by a tiny animal is one of the greatest joys the earth has to offer

Pink daisies🎀

What a time to be alive

It's Shemp Sunday on the Three Stooges channel

Have you ever written Albuquerque in cursive?

English tea with Texas honey

Remember on True Blood when they called ppl who sleep with vampires "fangbangers"

I got sick and now I'm addicted to Sunny D

Bring back eunuchs

I love Gattaca so much

Is Edward Scissorhands a Christmas movie?

break hearts // cut farts

Pushing my boobs together while making fart sounds

Licking mashed potatoes off my arm

Me and my nephew both shit our pants #happyThanksgiving