My manager keeps pressuring me on a sales deadline. I told her I’ll have a concept of a framework of a deal in two weeks.

Swalwell: "The masks has to come off. These guys, the don't just wear these masks for their own anonymity. They wear it for moral cover. They hide their identities from us and their humanity from themselves. So their masks have to come off. Period."

Turns out Trump only passed his dementia test because he copied off of the Asian dementia patient sitting next to him.

Dear male White House reporters, The next time Trump insults one of your female colleagues, if one of you doesn’t interject and say “Excuse me, sir, but fuck you.” God is going to lose his mind. Regards, God

Big box retailers are really struggling in this economy. I saw one large chain offering 50% off, free shipping, and a handjob from the store manager on all orders over $39.

👇👇

Daylight Saving update: White House reportedly “thrilled” to have an extra hour today to torment the poor.

BREAKING: TRUMP USES HISTORIC ISRAELI PARLIAMENT ADDRESS TO RAIL AGAINST TRANSGENDER WINDMILLS.

This is the lesson of 2025

Lincoln put together a “team of rivals” to challenge him and gain alternative perspectives. Trump has his team of yes-men, stooges, and boot lickers, each of whom would rather cut off their own legs than challenge any dumbass bile that falls out of Trump’s lying pie hole.

I disagree that a post-Trump landscape will be more of the same. Trump is a singular figure who, for reasons that mystify me, enthralls large blocks of disparate voters on the right. I doubt anyone else on the scene can come close. This just doesn’t hit the same, does it?

Every Trump official: “BOSS, BOSS! DID YOU HEAR ME LYING FOR YOU, BOSS???!!!”

The Trump Presidential Library is accumulating a core book collection! Books already acquired include: -Mein Kampf -To Russia With Love -Cheating for Dummies -Love Letters from Kim Jong Un -Birthday Cards I Never Wrote -Locker Room Talk -Lolita Add your suggestions for the collection!

FOX is more likely to cover Juan Epstein than Jeffrey Epstein.

Finally got these MAGA dolts to embrace masking. Just need to convince them that getting vaccinated will somehow hurt immigrants.

I’m wearing the new Trump cologne and it’s AMAZING! I’m an expert in everything, accountable to no one, golf every waking moment, have GOP Senators begging to wash my car and fetch my dry cleaning, and I no longer pay any taxes!!!

Trump just invited Marie Kondo to the White House to help him determine which cabinet members bring him joy and which need to be kicked to the curb.

“Go Birds, F Trump” chants at the #NoKings rally might be the most Philly thing ever!

Good time to share this great cover by one of my favorite bands. youtu.be/caINuHPKkFQ?...

Agreed, but it was also inevitable that these two entitled, self-absorbed narcissists could not co-exist for long. Their egos are too massive. And, apparently, also too fragile.

What does Trump have in common with the Big Lebowski? They both love White Russians.

“I worked closely with my friend and mentor, Vladimir Putin, to address the criticism I’ve received regarding my two-doll limit per young girl. From now on, I will permit young girls to own ONE Russian doll that contains up to SEVEN smaller dolls. So let it be written, so let it be done!”

Ever wonder what happens to the funds withheld from Universities, research grants, international aid programs, NPR, FEMA, rural services, support for mental health, etc.? I'm not sure, either, but it makes me think of this news item from 2019: ag.ny.gov/press-releas...

This timeless classic feels especially appropriate to share today. youtu.be/8de2W3rtZsA?...

Any time Trump tells a story with “Sir” in it you know he’s full of horse shit. Also, any time he tells a story without “Sir” in it.

Update.

Revenue generated from tariffs flows into the General Affairs budget of the U.S. Department of Treasury. From there, as in other banana republics, the funds are distributed on a “per stirpes” basis throughout our Supreme Leader’s family tree. That jet fuel doesn’t pay for itself.

The administration is adding new transparency to the Trump “Gold Card” Visa! The initials of the Trump family member who is receiving the $5,000,000 will now appear on the back of each newly issued visa.

Sharing this classic in honor of May 4: youtu.be/YKT7bx-fmtk?...

We should be hearing about Trump world insider trading in dental labs soon, now that Bobby is ending fluoride in water supplies.

“There’s never been a more humble, Christ-like man to walk this earth than Donald Trump. He’s even more Christ-like than Christ himself." III Thessalonians 1:6 (Trump Bible)

The party of “small government” is punishing individual colleges & businesses, taking over the Kennedy Center and Penn Station, telling museums what to exhibit, banning books from libraries, setting up registries to track illnesses, arresting judges, & incarcerating people without due process.

If you think fertilized eggs have rights but 2-year-old US citizens with cancer don’t, stop pretending your concerns are “the children.”

With the increasing volatility and declining value of the U.S. dollar, the world needs a new reserve currency. And nothing says stability, confidence, and international trust more than $Trump coin.

The Department of Labor and Department of HHS are working on a child labor requirement for Head Start benefits. The model will be based on “a 12th century European serfdom model” and will include “ground floor opportunities in coal mining and iPhone screwing”.

Pronatalist Trump aides are formulating programs to promote higher birth rates in the U.S. Plans include a nationwide network of clinics offering women free insemination with “Musk seed” and a series of free online classes featuring J.D. Vance lecturing about menstrual cycles.

DONALD TRUMP IS ALL ABOUT THE LITTLE GUY!!! It's just that he thinks a little guy is someone who only has one billion dollars.

There’s a great new audio book series out: “RFK Jr.’s Bedtime Stories”. With that signature golden voice, Bobby shares erotic stories of his many conquests. He also injects a dose of anti-vax propaganda into each tale. Pure magic.

The rapid, vast migration of key personnel to the Trump administration has devastated FOX News. The only remaining employees at FOX are the janitor and the team of lawyers who handle sexual harassment charges.

Users moving from X to BlueSky are reportedly shocked to discover that not every American believes the President is immortal, infallible, and omniscient.

🚨BREAKING:👀 Trump regime allegedly targets the National Museum of African-American History for “revisions to reflect a more positive image of the U.S.” Plans include portraying slave drivers as “empathetic Life Coaches” and slave quarters as “open concept spaces with stainless steel appliances”.

Leaders from all around the world have come to the President, one by one, with tears of joy in their eyes, saying “Sir, Thank You! I couldn’t have lived with myself any longer, ripping you off so badly! Please forgive me, and please raise the tariffs even higher to punish my past transgressions!”

🚨BREAKING: 👀 Canadian consumers “swarming local stores” to purchase Trump punching bags, dartboards, and spittoons before reciprocal tariffs kick in.

Pete Hegseth , overseeing the DEI purge of books at the Naval Academy, ordered all Winnie the Pooh books be removed due to “Pooh’s coloration and occasional lack of subservience to Christopher Robin.”

The administration announced that a Smithsonian exhibit depicting appalling conditions in the lower deck of a slave ship will be revised to display spacious cabins with workout facilities, butler service, craft stations for youngsters, and other amenities. www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...

“The U.S. Government will withhold any and all funding to Colorado for Seniors, Veterans, and children until the Colorado Governor replaces the unflattering portrait of the Supreme Leader.”