When Ben Dela Christ came and served cunt and died for our sins and on the third day she rose from the grave and ascended into heaven. - All Stars Season 3.

"I don't have a sugar daddy I've never had a sugar daddy If I wanted a sugar daddy yes I could go out and get one because I am what SICKENING you could never have s sugar daddy because you're not that type of girl Baby everything I have I worked for I've gotten myself I've built myself from the..."

My gay curse is that I always end up with a loud ass janky buggy at IKEA when im high AF.

sloppy toppy Sloppy Toppy SLOPPY TOPPY

I feel like one day EA is gonna start charging actual money for build/buy mode and maybe finally Sims Fans will realize just how much EA sucks.

BRB setting up a feet pic page so @emilysaidxxx.bsky.social can pimp me out and take 10% of my hard earned foot whorin' money.

Essentially just gave if a Brazilian butt lift. DM me for bookings I guess.

Some of you may not know this about me, but I am actually a highly skilled duck butt surgeon. Hes about to go under for some serious repairs.

post the best picture you have ever taken of your pet (if you feel like it):

post the best picture you have ever taken of your pet (if you feel like it):

Me, one day, after submitting my taxes:

When you high AF looking at your plants like:

Me, sending Boo to steal a star in Mario Party:

Taxes. Completed. Refund. INITIATED. PLEASE INSERT REFUND DIRECTLY INTO MY SAVINGS ACCOUNT:

Filing my taxes right now and I wanna k word myself. Don't @ me lol.

Breaking News: Baby Jessica rises from the well to slap around some men because "they had it coming". - @theonion.com

Baby Jessica just got arrested and all I could think of was "maybe just put her back down the well instead of jail" And thats why im so weird. 😂

If I cant reply to your skeet. Then I dont wanna see it. 👏

If you have ever thirst followed someone only to find out moments later theyre already married/partnered, you may be entitled to financial compensation. Our lawyers are standing by.

As a non catholic, can I still send the Pope a letter asking him to specifically call out Trumps weird jesus AI thing as antichrist behavior? For funsies?

Should I buy myself a mead kit for witchy funsies?

Why cant he just give himself bangs or something like a normal person having a meltdown.

Seeing the mess Trump has made in the middle east be like:

Straight people ruin everything. It was dead quiet seconds before this. 😒

Revealing my true form:

Edibles and full episodes of Airline. 😈

When i say choke me, this is what I mean. #PrinceOfPersia #Gaymer

Giggity.

Shakespeare be like:

[At the orgy] Oh, yeah, sure, Freda, sure. She was the oldest living Lutheran, now she's dead as a doornail. It's the damn Shriners who won't take down the Goddamn sign, the lazy sons of bitches. Every year, every damn year, I tell 'em, "Take down the Goddamn Freda sign, you lazy sons of bitches!"

Remember that time my dog stole his toy outta the bag and I drove back to the store to see if they forgot it and the clerk was SUPER sure they packed it, but they gave me another one anyway and I got home and this lil fucker was playing with said "missing" toy?

Biiiiiiiiiig stretch.

A dramatic reenactment of how this lil girl just ran up to my dog screaming "doggie" and how Scout terminated the threat:

You ever just be walking your dog at night, high as bawllz, and think to yourself: "there could be zombies like all around you right now and you wouldnt even know you stupid high bitch" And then gay panic walk your dog back to the entrance. But you made yourself even HIGHER by power walking. 😭

Not me flirting with the insanely hot guy at the dog park who JUST told me hes been in prison like 15 times. Wtf is wrong with meeee.

Get you a dog that also hates kids 🤗

Happy fat cat Friday.

Okay, deadass serious question: when youre alone, and its quiet, do you ever just make a random sound or do I have a touch of the tism?

Hungry. Starving. Famished. Malnourished. Never been fed a day in his life.

All Matthews are gay. Every. Single. One.

Mentally ill and down to chill. Who want me?

I just...the president...I mean...I..

Ah yes, the resting bitch face is just ✨️✨️GLOWING ✨️✨️ 🥴

I wake in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs Did he die yet?

Imagine someone doing the 👍🏽 emoji to your nudes

You ever open up the front facing camera and just go

Im not gonna be a creep and post a pic of the hot guy in the pool right now, but Im absolutely saving the memory to long term storage.

Hollywood lied to you. This is what a terrorist looks like!

Becky with the good hair.

Me flirting with oomfie