Kinda in the mood to skeet a curse. #witchsky

Fully convinced we are all Sims and God just paid $40 to EA for the "Fabulous Facism" expansion pack.

i took tylenol while i was autistic and now my son is pregnant

Me, asking the olive garden waiter for a third basket of garlic bread:

Y'all ever go through your saved reaction photos? When would I ever have used this...

The Great Dummification™️ of The United States all began when TLC (The Learning Channel) stopped showing actual educational content and started showing Toddlers & Tiaras. Me, to my future grandkids.

I definitely just tried to fast forward network tv. 😑

I am like 99% certain ive never actually used a mirror or lighting correctly in the bathroom in my life, because why these hotel mirrors keep making me look cuter than I normally do? Explain that shit science.

Other Biblical Twinks: Daniel and the Lions Den. Daniel, obviously a twink, enters into a den because hes always cold, but the Lions were actually three Burly Coach-type men with long blonde hair; hence the reference to a Lions blond mane. They deffo fucked.

"King David pondered upon Jonathan, in a manner that pleased The Lord, and this was as He intended, for He is infallible, and only a fool would question His design." I just went straight to gaslighting this time. Its become my new favorite tactic when dealing with idiots.

Ohhhhh. Time for some fun. Imma write so much gay sex stuff in this thing. Like sooooooo much.

Literally Me, screaming at the Left Lane Lindas who wont get over so I can pass.😤

Truly almost skeeted that I was getting "banana punched" and immediately realized everyone's gonna think im getting dicked down to pound town when I meant a weed strain. It's a weed strain. Weed.

Hot mess express just arrived in station. Also this lighting got me feeling kinda...

I figured out why I hate road trips so much: because slow AF assholes be riding the passing lane FOR NO REASON. I dont have gay time for that.

Chaotic neutral suggestion: We gaslight the maga "christians" into believing they missed the Rapture™️ because they are in fact shitty people.

TMZ Reports: Jesus Christ™️ held the worst Rapture™️ ever after pulling a no-show for his big gig.

Why does my hotel room have the sex tub adjacent to the bed adjacent to the cuck chair?

Happy Rapture Day

I can feel it. Its happening. Im being raptured.

I can feel it. Its happening. Im getting raptured.

Tylenol causes autism Pepsi makes your baby gay Pre-purchase your Rapture™️ tickets* *Sponsored by TicketMaster.

Food is fuel, I say as I pack four flavors of Pringles and three flavors of beef jerky for the car trip. 💪

Self care is pre-rolling yourself lil banana flavored doobies for the road trip. 🥰

Sources also said "Pepsi is a lil faggy, if you know what I mean."

Who wants to makeout before The Rapture™️?

I'll be vulnerable for a moment. Im just so excited to finally start this new adventure in life. I feel confident, ready, and grateful for this moment. Im finally putting me, the whole me, out there into the world.

I will personally pay any IT twink $150 to hack whatever Christo-fascist inspirational dribble I assume they're broadcasting at Charlie KiKrK's stadium service and replace it with a loop of all the shitty things he's ever said.

Discovered the 'popular with friends' tab on here tonight. You lot are sluts!

The irony of me removing my cleaning mask to hit the penjamin before using toxic chemicals is not lost on me. All things are possible through weed, caffeine, and adhd which strengthen me.

In other breaking gay news, the day of The Rapture™️ is September 23, 2025. The exact day I leave for Arizona. I think im ushering in the apocalypse. Idk.

Omg theres a countdown to The Rapture™️ 😂 I want to live on this planet, please suck up the idiots into space.

Does anyone else think Charlie Kirk is like their MLK Jr? But like the anti-MLK jr? You know what I mean?

If you see this skeet:

GIVE ME PUMPKIN 🎃

When I tell you this is me during the fall 🎃

Homosexuals: fact or fiction?

my number one favorite activity is to get stoned and then do the most therapeutically meticulous cleaning of a space you have ever seen and then when I'm done, light a candle to compliment the bleachy clean vibe, and I sit there in harmony like this 🙂

High as balls, just admiring my cleaning work. Like yes girl you did this. Now do it all the time.

Just had an "unexpected child in the bagging area" moment. This lil kid maybe 4ish opened the doggie gate to come pet my dog, unattended. No parent. No guardian. Thank fuck Scout was nice about it. But i had to take him back to the car he was in, alone, bevause his brother was picking up food.

Not even remotely in the mood to clean this place today after Hurricane Movers just wrecked my shit.

Where do i even begin with the absolute shit show that just occurred with these movers.

When he says hes uncut, this is what im thinking of:

Me, dressed as a pigeon about to take the fattest shit ever on this atrocity of a statue:

PARKOUR! PARKOUR!

Suck it.

Fuck Trump

Im gonna need three multicultural teens, a black guy and a twink to form the Planeteers so they can summon Captain Planet to go kick Trumps ass. This is for the best. I promise.

When you finally packed the last moving box and its time to relax:

Me, panic packing: