I cannot type on touch keyboards anymore, even full size is iffy, swipe is a little better on phone, and voice to text is about the same a swipe but faster. If I get catatonic again and need AAC I'm already planning on getting a cheap linux laptop cuz otherwise I'm totally boned. disability sucks.

I've been reading Foreach by @lumsel.bsky.social and it's really good

Yeah this is my struggle. The window between making enough to afford the most basic necessities and making too much to be on Medicaid (which I am 100% dependent on, thanks diabetes) is pretty razor thin really

I don't think enough people realize that for many folks on disability they cannot risk having over a VERY low cap of money/property or they will lose their benefits nearly immediately It often prevents folks from marrying as well it's ludicrous

We used to plan years at a time, then quarters, then months, then weeks, now days. It's been days, 154 one day at a time.

last day on earth?

I had a thai iced tea to go from lunch and never even got a sip. Cane, battery UPS, heavy fucking fob doors, couple cans of air duster. Blamo.

this is my zootopia

wondering what to do as an unemployed pretengineer. my AAS isn't really gonna help me but my god do I know where skeletons hide.

happy thanksgiving i made this for you youtu.be/INZybkX8tLI

Joys of survival. Sometimes several decades if pain with no time or memory comes for you at night. Still feel pretty raw today.

We‘re going to keep making the potatoes. But as an inhuman human we don’t believe there’s a place without pain that doesn‘t move it down the pact.

Left one of the oldest discord servers I’ve been in since a gender ago. While it did get the family bar treatment of everyone’s wives and fishing pics it just isn’t the same.

I am all that is woman. Still have machinist hands of might grip for jar tops.

Wake up thought. (So still a lot of rx drugs in me) if there are reference photos, code, articles for this thing. Get them now before the digital library of Alexandria burns.

I am full of iodine now. And I have not had hot pants like that since I was 14. I know they said warm, but they didn’t specify where.

looking at that big ole steam library wondering what even works still and if my brain is even capable of playing it at this point.

so 16mg a day of lorazepam seems to have my catatonia under control. but now I just don't have the wind in my sails to do much else, out of work, burned out still. need a cane in the mornings due to migraine adjunct gabapentin

Punishing Angel

Decorated my cane

I’d like to quit surviving and be human just one moment is my god damn life.

If all the apps and websites vanished, would you miss me and know how to reach me or would that be that? Like as IRC and AIM slowed down and you always wonder.

i hope it’s all our eyes god is looking through.

Paying dearly for missing midnights dose wtf.

at 17 I set a 20 year trajectory starting with BLS data, to get from zero to design engineer by doing every shitty welding and machining job I could get my hands on. did everything I could to learn everything. And climb up before my body deteriorated. that part is over and now I’m burned out.

Flicking the ruler over the button like Konata playing track and field in Luck Star.

Not finding bookshelf speaker stands I like more than the idea of four concrete blocks and a gallon can of paint.

Much like my caller ID I expect to have half of North America muted before too much longer, yay word filters.

hooray, I could play a pvp game and have a positive kdr. That's a huge milestone cuz I haven't had the time or mental/physical ability since the spring I think!

It's gonna be really fucking funny if I do this one consultation for my doctor and I don't have ADHD/ASD as a test result. I have ALWAYS been the other in the room with little green antenna sticking out my head it seems.

Two years on that magic blue pill! Wish is was all 10 years earlier but I needed a roof over my head and to put thing straight.

Well since I’m a free agent now I might as well look around when I’m ready. Burned SO hard yet nobody was going to say stop as they’re worried if I could safely drive home or use a screwdriver. Lunch/coffee dates for now.

NE regional again for follow up appointment.

*smuggly looking at tracker a day late* Damn right you out for delivery. But really we’re like oh gosh y’all work too hard and get screwed over so fast.

I'm not scared of needles. I just politely look away whenever i get blood drawn. So that the phlebotomist doesn't get nervous.

I love all my friends. From my old life, now life, even the ones I don’t know well but still want to meet one day.

SMSL SA 300 and Micca MB42X G2 are pretty satisfactory for me. My ears and sources are not fantastic anymore and apartment means no sub.

Also worried what my next move will be. Even if I go back, techbro CEO acquired persona makes me uniquely suicidal by proximity. So even a custom role would have to be hugely insulating.

Not much to post with being stuck in abed or couch most of the time. Too much brain fog for harder games. recovery is sloooow.

Ruger hasn’t shipped me my replacement rifle yet after the cracked receiver. Very transphobic. Also taking suggestions for glass.

This dysphoria hoodie is like 20 years old now and the comfiest fucking thing right now. cardigans at in the wash and I blew through meds.

Tiddy up a little. (brain fucking melts down and lose balance) mkay collapsing here and waiting for 6pm dose.

Woo CTA and refer to neurosurgery for an opinion.

Going by the numbers we only make about 40-48 mistakes per 8 hour work day. Out of 16,000 decisions.

Take a bunch of portraits, absolutely hate my face, delete all portraits, depression continues.

While I appreciate the replies it doesn’t point me in a gainful direction with a new disability and disdain for the choices I set in motion 20 years ago.