I'm imagining some sort of kebab. The old spear of Longinus up to its old tricks

"Hey corporal, what's this "Panzerschokolade" in my MRE?" "I dunno, man, just shut up and eat it"

Woe! Woe! that my emotional barometer be so closely tied to the meteorological barometer. O child of the divine, of spirit made manifest, with blood to boil and vital humours to evaporate - lament!

Life comes at you fast

Uh oh! Maga considers the "cold shoulder" for notable DC reptile, Stephen Miller, who admits "I actually prefer my thermosssstat to be sssset pretty high"

Either he sets off 850,000 fireworks simultaneously, or only one single small firework pathetically goes off, you just know there's absolutely nothing in between.

Everybody go easy on me today, I am seniorpilled and grampacoded because I got anklemogged

I just learned all about my nibling's "isekai bag", a leather purse or crossbody bag containing fountain pen, ink bottle, pocketwatch, sealing wax stamp, letter opener, etc. A bugout bag for another time- the workings of this youngling's mind are fascinating and I hope their dreams come true

"Where owner go? When owner come back? How Soon Is Now? Dog is good dog, dog just asking questions."

I print these headlines on little slips of paper that fill a ten gallon hat to overflowing. The hat is labeled "reasons not to visit Texas today" and here is today's draw

The Holy Ghost. Easier to wrap in a sheet than a narrative. He's Werner Herzog's penguin, he's out there pursuing an unknowable dream. #SundayMusings

Item: New type of Puckle Gun invented which shoots round bullets at Christians and sticks of deodorant at MTG players (you won't believe what they want to shoot at our beloved twinks)

You don't see a lot of grace names like Patience, Constance, and Temperance anymore. I think that the modern parent should consider ${Recipient.FST_NM?default("Valued Customer")} or maybe just "Supple"

New movie idea called "The Wiggler", where they force a 19 year old junior enlisted into wiggling a mile down the 30 inch hole to reattach a cable to the top of the reactor, so they can winch it out and see what the hell is wrong with it.

I heard somewhere that the Nephilim looked like clowns, and I could not be more concerned about the significance of Cat Clowns

Across the pond, U.K. Prime Minister "Kissed Dharma" calls it quits after a party rebellion... Wait, who? Is this another AI story? Hold on, I need a Lucky Strike. Ah, smoooth. Now, THAT'S an experience worth reporting.

OMG give me a job here to assist with/intensify realistic training. I will commit constant low-level offenses to distract the agents. Passive aggressive remarks at checkout. Rolling through stop signs. Importing euphorbia terracina seeds. Vance slander. I will stress them out so god damned much.

Ancient druid: "I have had a vision, and I beheld a great city, and there was a staggering obelisk, before which stretched a magnificent pool, except it was hexed with verdant conferva, and I would have told them how to clean the water, but the zeitgeist was just so awful..."

Donning my Level IV rifle plates and anti-chafe codpiece so I can plug an Xbox controller into Dot and guide her out of harm's way for $23.70/hr and leadeth her beside the still waters

Picture it with me: Lanora Pettit, and others involved, banished to a reeking lump of rock in the equatorial Atlantic Ocean, stinking like fish and ammonia. And in those hot, cloudless weeks of desperation, pushing each other over for the chance to throttle a red-footed booby and drink its blood.

So, a single banana from Walmart went up in price since last week: 21¢ vs 20¢. Did those fat cats think that a 5% price jump would go unnoticed? Nothing escapes my notice, you monsters! I hope you are ready for my un-rollback-able outrage!

It's ok, babe! Plenty of folks can't tell the difference between cruisers and battleships. Let's rewind a bit. April, 1805. Napoleon is master of Europe. Only the British fleet stands before him. Oceans are now battlefields...

Scientists Say, We're Stumped: Study Concludes Americans Have Fewer Than Average Number of Fingers [Community note: "Fingers" Georg, who lives in a cave and collects fingers, is an outlier and should not have been counted.]

"Something, we know not what, stirs. As is well established, the World rests atop four elephants, who bestride a turtle, which in turn rests upon an even larger turtle, and indeed from there it is turtles all the way down. Next slide, please." futurism.com/science-ener...

"Jessica Sudeikis wins over dames with marathon onstage gender affirming surgery"

Our oldest thrifted a noteworthy find for Pride this year

Bold move, let's see how history remembers him

Too big to drydock outside of maybe a lock on the Panama Canal => HAVE FUN DROWNING SOMEDAY "We’ve been approached by medical research facilities because we would be outside the reach of regulatory bodies" => EAT SHIT, also, MOBILE PEDO ISLAND MUCH www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/news/...

I am ok with AI eliminating all white collar jobs, so long as the companies involved accede to the following demands: 99% corporate income tax rate, and all related commercial office space to be bulldozed and reforested.

If the market tanks tomorrow, I'll have nothing left but my kickstarter: Babe (Pig in the City) Bites People in the Dick and Balls - Elevator Carnage Edition (for xbox)

We Americans need a national conversation about raising our kids right. I'll start: I confess that I let my boys toddle around for way too long wearing possibly the most antisocial t-shirt slogan you could dream up.

“you all deserve to rot in hell” isn’t a death threat

Dang, I really wish he would re-upload that image from the other day, the one where he is laying his hands on someone who has no apparent ability to meaningfully consent

dead rat! in the HVAC system

Have we tried distracting him with video games before his ankles explode? Soviet Strike for PS1 was pretty fun. Stuff go boom.

In case you need a reminder of where your tax dollars are primarily going...

Negotiations have gone as well as could be expected.

How I feel as I try to improve our national political situation by posting memes, smarm, snark, profanity, vulgarity, ad hominems, and downright slurs -

"Hedonist!" "Epicure!" we would debate, with the intensity of deciding if it is Duck Season or Wabbit Season

"Everybody be cool! I have hostages!" cries a man with all the diplomatic credibility of Dobby the Fucking Sock Elf

I reckon cc:Mail on Windows 3.11 would have still worked in space

"6 months Castle Grayskull power wash ASMR plus bonus argument with heritage site planning committee no ads"

At US$6.42 per loaf, I think we deserve to see Dave's Killer prison tats. Y'know, the problematic ones.

Perhaps he can release it at the ribbon cutting on the new 833k sq ft SLC ICE detention facility. The goddamned swine.

Graduating high school before ChatGPT is like having a brain made of recovered steel from warships old enough to not have been weakened by atomic bomb isotopes.

Me, yell-singing to the neighborhood toms in E minor: This is my legal thesis My cat needs child support It's unwanted Cat breeding Don't even know If she's good at breastfeeding

Hmm, do the youths of today even know how to skeet? Better tell grand-dad to knock the rust off the ol' boomstick!

GSA should grab the McMaster-Carr catalog & flip to the section on "air powered vibrators for wet materials". Install under his chair & control with a button, placed near the Diet Coke button already on the Resolute Desk. When he needs sensory stimulus, he can activate Operation Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

Print this image, microshred it, & snort using a rolled up Scooby Doo haunted house Colorforms background from 1979. Congratulations! You are now Erikpilled. But what comes next? "There is nothing I can teach you. You know all that Heracles knew, and more." #FireTheMainGun

So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye.