It's so annoying to check onlyfans and see 73 notifications from the same person who liked everything but bought nothing. Just getting as much free porn as they can. Chud behavior.

Just found some old family pics while moving and omg I wish I never went through dude puberty. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. No more dude puberty! I think that's reasonable.

The air pollution is making me wake up at 8 am extremely horny. It has to be that cuz I don't do this often. Only like 2-3 times a week tops.

My ADHD ass could never pull off a heist. I would get in the room where there are security lasers I'm supposed to dodge and think I'm at a cool rave.

I did not get the job at Taco Bell because they said I was overqualified.

Idk why more ppl with humiliation kinks don't just become horrible singers in bands and call it performance art. It's still more entertaining than what most bands do on stage.

Tgirls that adopt the fucking mean girl shit need to grow the fuck up frankly You’re not in school anymore so quit acting like it

Im glowing rn. I wish Lindsey Graham could die everyday. It's doing wonders for my health.

I hope I die in a fun sex accident

My favorite thing about airplanes is that it's funny to watch full grown adults on a business trip get served animal crackers like a toddler.

We could end American fascism tomorrow if only Bo Burnham would drop a new rap album. The ppl yearn.

Sometimes I'll start writing a flirty text that goes on so long I switch to finishing it in my notes app where it continues into multiple paragraphs erotica and I'll be like "well there's no way I can send this now."

My horny ass could not be trusted with Flubber (1997)

Imagine trying to fuck a clone of yourself and they're like "nah, I'm good." Devastating!

Pretty overwhelmed lately with how ppl are publicly being given life sentences for having leftist ideology and everyone just seems to be moving along. Its pretty fucking bleak.

Omw to a lesbian bar to do karaoke in my Kate Bush shirt but I feel like it's stolen valor. I have 0% bush rn.

Idgaf if a top has a bedframe. I will be more upset they wont fuck me on the floor.

Oh you're a biological female?? Psssh, I bet you cant even name the 4 main classes of cnidarians.

If Kamala runs again we have the opportunity to do the funniest thing (again)

Ppl love to say an actor was born to play a role but I'm pretty sure no doctor has ever looked at a baby and said "looks like we have a little Barton Fink on our hands!"

I never feel more awkward than when someone asks me to read their poetry.

Turning 12 dollars into a bottle of cheap wine similar to Jesus Christ, our lord and savior.

Dear god. This is so dumb lol. Bill Maher out here plunging new depths of hack comedy and acting like he's the true rebel of our times. I bet he walks around in a Guy Fawkes mask at home and occasionally says "fuck yeah! Im Bill Maher!"

My girlfriend keeps saying random facts about mel brooks to me. Should i take her to the hospital for a check up?

Using a pickle as a dilldo

Here's a teaser for a new porn that just came out on #onlyfans. Watch me get facefucked and used by @anne-aflame.bsky.social until my brains turn to absolute mush 🥵 #transporn #nsfw #facefuck #cum #kink #freeuse #goon #exhibitionist #fucktoy #slapping #porn #rough

It's so cool when a woman is a pervert!

Here's a teaser for a new porn that just came out on #onlyfans. Watch me get facefucked and used by @anne-aflame.bsky.social until my brains turn to absolute mush 🥵 #transporn #nsfw #facefuck #cum #kink #freeuse #goon #exhibitionist #fucktoy #slapping #porn #rough

It must be hard to be a working class vampire because all you have to look forward to is the vampire weekend.

Oh uhhh hiiii. Im your new girlfriend. Hope that's chill.

The best lesson ppl learn from video games is that they should kill their boss.

I disappeared from the party last night to hook up with someone and then showed back up like this thinking no one knew lol

Panic at the Disco is a terrible band name because personally, if i was at a disco, i would be having a really good time.

Just got a flight to Austin to visit my long distance partner (joe rogan)

I got to meet lustsickpuppy last night after their show and my friend started asking all these silly art questions like it was an interview and they walked away lol. God dammit!

Im twisting on it

Look i just wanted to buy a resistance band for exercise but the manual clearly wants me to do hand to dick exercises.

When you're being mean to me, you're being mean to the actual devil so yes, pls be mean to me.

Worst date ever last night. Note to self: Do not bring an emo girl you've never met in person to a show with industrial music.

I feel like i can wrap my head around the appeal of most kinks but i will never understand the fascination with and prevalence of bootblacking in kink spaces.

About to play a basement show and my vibe is unhinged tn. Gonna follow a dance act and folk act by screaming while fighting my band mate then getting leashed up and letting ppl in the crowd walk me around. Feeling blessed 😇

I want to say this now. At my funeral when they show pictures of my life, i only want them to show the porn ones.

god I love being a gay slut

Sorry i didnt make it to the function last night. I was too busy taking molly and topping my wife 💪

I love boots riley but it's really funny how every time I see him on my feed his hats keep getting bigger and bigger. I feel like it's a bit.

I swear im not needy or anything. I always look at ppl like this 😅

Logging on to grindr once a week to check on my slut friends who are on it constantly.

Piss > cum

Coke or pepsi are 2 bad options. If you want me to struggle to make a choice ask me if i prefer cum or piss.

I have a new friend that i can always tell when she's on crack cuz she'll message me and say "i just smoked crack."