I have never been more proud as a plant mom.

It is possible that Amy Poehler’s podcast gets better every week.

I’m listening

I would thrive as a Nepo baby

Today, two (two!) men ran sub two-hour marathons for the first time in human history and the news is nowhere to be found on the ESPN or Sports Illustrated home pages. One of the greatest feats in sports history and it’s less important than the final round of the NFL Draft.

Just ran my 15,000th mile since I’ve started tracking my miles. 2520 runs. #humblebrag

Milo just had a two bagger poo. So proud!

I have just been informed it is also corn night at goose in Dallas. Blessed are we 🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽

At Sphere

HELLO I AM IN LAS VEGAS AND CAN NOT FIND DEBORAH VANCE AND AVA DANIELS. PLEASE ASSIST sorry for yelling.

I ran 8 miles to the bar and 1.5 cocktails in I am lit

There’s this girl on Instagram that posts videos of her successfully taking mens strava segment crowns and I’m IN LOVE

Bump for morning crowd!

I am dreading watching survivor so much tonight I just queued up another summer house

Friend is selling a floor for tomorrow (Thursday 4/23 at SPHERE) for face (maybe even without fees) please rt for viz ty

The credit card I lost in 2021 but have been using regularly just because I memorized the numbers has to get replaced this month. I don’t want a physical card!

He’s just a baby!

The leader of this dead cover band is wearing a Garfield and odie shirt but Garfield is wearing an MF Doom mask

I might be the tallest person here

I wish my phones brightness would go lower than the lowest setting

I have so many funny thoughts what am I supposed to just keep them to myself?

This metal band flyer has subtitles

Correcting people on the phone when they say ironic and mean coincidental

Uhhhhh

I ran the Boston marathon once.

I knew about the new polar cans and it still caught me off guard

Bertucci rolls and Jesse mcartney jokes back to back Ava is me

do I know any wooks that aren’t friends with my ex that want a sphere ticket?

Planned an off season beach day so Milo could come and had no idea it would be perfect weather

Haven’t seen the band once on the stream

Pressed play on love on the spectrum the most wholesome show in the world.

Fetch me my posts!

Remember every time you tag it “the sphere” James Dolan has a micro aneurism so keep it up y’all.

Certified good boy ™️ loves the outdoor couch

I’ve had to step it up on the subreddit I am a mod for. Ugh.

I started riding my peloton again, I am invincible

TRUMP: Do you think men should play in women's sports? DOORDASH DRIVER: I really don't have an opinion on that. I'm here about no tax on tips.

alarms blaring at the McDonalds on 17th. guys at the QPC station sweating bullets while the lights flash, angry and red. awooga. awooga. he'll want fries. get the fries. rookie at the coke machine throwing up.

Just pressed play on this goose festy set for my lunchtime walk

HOW DID I MISS HACKS.

10/10

1st pup cup of the season

There should be a “scoop only” lane at ice cream stands

Golfers are such goobers

Patio SZN

Everything is so amazing with this moon mission but it just doesn’t really feel right to try and build a base on the moon.

Favorite dog wood is about to pop off

Boz’s fiancé has red flags up the WAZOOO that guy is a weird-o #rhobh

Sutton empty nest is actually really interesting and vulnerable. Especially talking to her mom #rhobh

Dorit is such a massive narcissistic bitch!