Modern audiences: Ugh, this plot is only possible because the characters act so stupidly. Ancient Greeks: Paris doomed his city with his dick, Theseus forgot to change his sails, every few weeks someone brags that they're better than the gods. You'll repeat these stories for thousands of years.

The soldiers of G.I. Joe go into battle yelling "Yo Joe." This is an homage to the warriors of ancient Greece who would cry "Io Paean!" as they entered the fray. Paean, of course, is Greek for "Joe."

The bank has been robbed by an unmasked man with a distinctive facial scar over half of his face. The scarring is identical to that suffered by the former district attorney. The other half of his face is also the same as the former DA's. Only the World's Greatest Detective can crack this case.

As a compromise what if we reform ICE - hear me out - what if we reform ICE into the 1988 Jamaican Bobsled Team? People love those guys.

Resisting the urge to be that guy who replies to every James Gunn post asking when we're going to get a live-action Detective Chimp until he blocks me.

"Oi, Ricky, you orta make some jokes on them blokes what say they're ladies, innit? Good for a larff I reckon. Bob's your uncle." - Average remaining Ricky Gervais fan, I assume.

I have not followed any of the substance of the Will Stencil/Bluesky back and forth, but it feels like an accelerated Guy Fierization

My old 16-page comic where Frasier meets Columbo can be read on my website: joechouinard.com/columbo

If we invade Greenland they should call it Operation Midnight Sundown

Hello Internet! I come to you collecting anecdotes to inspire an upcoming improv comedy project. I’m looking for: issues that you’ve had with a coworker, roommate, or other person you generally were in close and frequent contact with. These may be shared publicly and recorded, so please […]

To the tune of Sir Mix-a-Lot's 1992 song "Swap Meet Louie": Steamboat Willie

"The Most Dangerous Game" Richard Connell, 1924. Early 20th Century utopian tale in which the most depraved thing the wealthy do on an island is hunt people for sport.

Taking a deep breathe, recentering, allowing the urge to correct someone else's Latin on the shared Miro board run down and through me like the snow melting down the mountain. There is peace here.

Have I told y'all lately about Detective Chimp?

Writing and then discarding posts when I realize they are probably in poor taste to people who don't process anger through Europa Universalis jokes.

It's like the FIFA Peace Prize means nothing anymore

“A computer can never be held accountable, therefore a computer must never make a management decision.” Yes but it turns out we aren't able to hold humans accountable either

They should put Aziz Ansari in Rush Hour 4 so that he and Chris Tucker can run into each other Chris can say "Daaaamn" and Aziz can say "Daaaaamn" and then they can both say "Daaaaamn" and it will sound like on guy saying "Daaaaamn" in stereo.

Not to vaguepost, but 1) when a well-known broken stair makes a major change in employment I don't really much credit their stated motive, and 2) If even I have heard about a broken stair, then we're talking about an open secret that is so open as to challenge the definition of secret.

First of all, that's two words

Loose dirt on a windy mountain road, please ta meetcha

Now that 2025 has let its guard down, let's go beat the shit out of it.

This story makes the rounds every few years and people act shocked that other people care about having compatible values with their romantic partner. This is not unusual or difficult to figure out.

@mmuscolino.bsky.social I'll bet you guess who before the reveal.

A lot of old Star Trek (from Next Gen forward) episodes are going to hit different in light of this AI girlfriend business. The show acted like it was normal for well-adjusted Federation officers to have occasional holo-flings and we weren't supposed to think about it too much. But it was weird!

The toaster has slots for two slices. It feels like that should be called "a pair of toast." But that's not right.

Javier Rodriguez in Absolute Martian Manhunter. I'm not competent enough in the visual arts to explain why the work is so damn good, but it is so. damn. good.

The most important thing about the gremlins from Gremlins is that they're just total assholes. That's more important to them than murder or even survival.

Me 6 egg nogs deep and a white board, writing "PATTI HARRISON ACE VENTURA REBOOT"

I remember this song from the aughts - "You don't think we should keep them at Gitmo? Maybe we should keep them in your house." Rhymes with "Oh if a border wall is bad maybe you shouldn't have walls in your house." Authoritarians love bad analogies and false dilemmas like Buridan loves his ass.

Movie pitch: Final Destination: I Know What You'll Do This Summer. It's a crossover of IKWYDLS and FD; someone has a vision of themself and a bunch of other people dying terribly in a horrible tragic accident caused by a group of irresponsible teens, and realizes it will happen this summer.

If that OU student had turned in that paper in HIGH SCHOOL I would have scheduled an after school meeting to (as kindly as possible) explain that standards in my class were different than her home school. But in college? gtfo. The only people taking this grifter seriously are in on the grift.

If anyone has been using "gay Dumbledore" as shorthand for authors retconning things, Ursula K. Le Guin gave us "communal pickle barrels" as a replacement. And I'm pretty sure Le Guin's castle didn't have black mold, if you get what I'm saying.

Aside from everything else, this is so lazy. I mean, Britta-From-Community.gif "but I draw the line at being a fucking hack" and all that, but it's insulting how low-effort this is and how cute he thinks he's being. There's styrofoam packing the place where his soul should be.

I'm imagining a Gen Alpha kid saying "I really like Western Isekai like Alice in Wonderland and Narnia" and getting so mad at them. Now if it happens in real life I'll be able to keep my cool and not be a grump.

Jesus fucking Christ this man wants to murder children on every continent

Fackin worthless Yook Yarters break my heart every season

*walking in a winter wonderland* ME: where's bluebird? BIRD: gone ME: w... who are you? *bird looks around shiftily* BIRD: I'm new bird

Final verdict on It: Welcome to Derry: Would have been better if they spent more time luxuriating in the bonkers parts: Drugged Kid Sewer Adventure, Assembly From Hell, Hallorann Shinewars Pennywise, Marge Being a Badass; and less time with: Artifacts, Periwinkle, Fearless Man Being Afraid.

Gaston, my boy. You are large, stupid, and handsome. You could be the finest Himbo of our town. But beware cruelty, entitlement, arrogance. These are the marks of the Bully. Above all, stay away from the Chateau des Brutes. They will teach you to fight and spit, but at the cost of your innocence.

Finally a chance to catch up with the season (really? Season? You honestly expect to make more of this?) finale of It: Welcome to Derry. I've managed to avoid spoilers, so I have no idea what to expect. Well, except:

—I’ve been asked to baptise the King of Spain’s daughter —Infanta? —No, holy water as usual. Weird thing to ask honestly

It's funny to me that the new Naked Gun had to make their Elon Musk character less of a lower bigot to fit the tone of the movie. He got a glow up to cartoon villain. Not the best joke of the film, or even the best meta-joke, but one that made me think.

I (and the theater as well) need to do a better job promoting MishMash - the family-friendly improvised musical adventure that runs every other Saturday at Union Comedy in #Somerville. The next one is the Saturday after Christmas at 4pm! if you're looking for something to do with the family […]

Btw United, if you see this, your Denver to Bakersfield flight team and people in Ontario were doing their best and were very nice, and it really feels like you hung them out to dry.

If United Airlines has this much trouble with a weather diversion on 12/12, they're going to be in a world of hurt next week. If I worked customer-facing for United I would be pushing the panic button.

You could move north of the Wall, get a job helping the Night's Watch rangers, meet a nice girl at the Old Gods' grove, take her on a date to the Giant's Stair and get married and raise up seven daughter-wives in this house but you will not do it.

If the trailer is any indication, they made the new Street Fighter movie the way I play SF 2 - frenetically, with little skill, and an even chance of succeeding through luck