Everyone knows about the Florida Man, but me and my sister have started playing Atlanta Scam and I highly recommend it

With midterms approaching, I think a lot of folks have figured out that they don’t want to get a day job and they’re not pretty enough for Fox News

If MTG apologizes to Al Sharpton I’m closing my laptop and going home

Me: I need to Do Stuff Brain: So go Do Stuff Me: But I can’t Do Stuff Brain: Have you tried taking your Doing Stuff Medicine? Me: The medicine my doctor gives me so I can Do Stuff? Brain: Yes Me: The one that’s two feet away from me? Brain: Yes Me: No Brain: … Me: … Me: I need to Do Stuff

So, so many (SO MANY) of your favs online or on tv are very quietly in the same desperate financial situations as loads of other Americans. The usual solution of getting a non-industry job to fill an industry employment gap is currently every bit as difficult as finding industry work

I hate having to do this but I’m desperate. I’ve been looking everyday for work but nothing is biting. I’m down $80 and I can’t afford my very needed meds and I definitely can’t afford my home when the first comes next month. I’m drowning in medical debt. Anything helps.

I expect Snap Benefits and Epstein files on America’s desk by tomorrow EOD

I have just been informed that clits can atrophy

I need menswear guy to get into wrestling so he can talk about suits in wrestling

It dob’t even matter that I live in LA scoot over New York that’s OUR mayor now

It’s five dollar friends day! Today only! We have a very special reward today at a lower level! Increasing the backer number is so important to me because I’m doing a show! So if you can share this information with a friend and pledge, every little bit helps! www.kickstarter.com/projects/amy...

If your libbing out lasts more than four hours please talk to your doctor

Good things are possible and we don’t have to settle.

So do we get to snag one of those abandoned NYC rich people houses now or do we have to wait until the first

MID GIRLS FOR MAMDANI STAND UP

Uuuuuugh MSNBC please cut Michael Steel’s muppet self and call New York

They Not Like Us about to chart again

I love you Canada but that’s what you get for taking out my Mariners

I don’t watch the weewoo show why is Sgt. Angela Bassett in space

My costume is Girl Who Is On A Deadline

I love Halloween because a social media manager will see the “Pelvic Pilates” ad where a lady dry humps a pillow and say to themselves “She needs a lil witch hat”

Of all of the things to bring back from 2001, Cuomo campaign went with racism when the band Lifehouse was right there

Do not be a doomer about this. Just call your New York friends and remind them to vote, and tell them to do the same. He is more popular and will win with good turnout.

I have two aunts (who are blood sisters) that are related to us by virtue of being childhood besties with my mom and this is a thing I only leanred when Kid Danielle asked how my cousins are Mexican but we not Mexican

A friend just asked me to DM a home game by offering his single buddy as penis dowry

Feeling nostalgic so I put on a movie and didn’t pause when I left the room

That’s, um… that’s a cognitive test. The kind they give old people after they substantially change their will to make sure they aren’t being taken advantage of

“How Being Scammed for a Quarter Million Dollars Because I Wanted to Be In a Monkey Club for Cool Kids Was Good, Actually”

Being a character actor with a weird head must be bittersweet

Taking the Michael Mann out of Miami Vice is like taking the holograms out of Jem and the Holograms and Hahahaha no one would EVER do that

“Sir our constituents are about to run out of food stamps” “I have a plan”

“No” is a complete sentence. Like if someone tries to convince you that the Twitter accounts currently shaming Palestinians in Gaza for drinking Coke aren’t bots, you can say “no”

It's October so you know I’m back on my bullshit (taking high dose vitamin d supplements)

I have been waiting for this day

Nazi Week isn’t as fun as Fat Bear Week

“Here, Damn” The official slogan of the 2026 primary

If someone doesn’t get rid of a Nazi tattoo as soon as they know it’s a Nazi tattoo it’s probably because they like having a Nazi tattoo

I choose to think of this Mariner’s season as a dog’s pancake

Billy Zane in Demon Knight counts as 90s fine

The Tales From The Crypt theme is somehow every Elfman theme at once

I have discovered that the trick to looking hot is to look kinda dumb

My toddler niece has finally asked me a question I know the answer to

News got me thinking about how I closed myself when you left because you stole all my Louvre. Don’t let this be au revoir forever

Washington I love you with all of my heart but y’all gotta wash your hoodies

Used to watching @eyepatchwolf.bsky.social on YouTube, his native habitat? Of course you are! Wanna hear us all be super pissy about WWE’s bizarro decision lately? Of course you do! Watch us clown around: youtu.be/Al-TQN-q9XQ?...

What are the odds of Bad Bunny doing a tope at the SuperBowl is anyone taking odds on that yet

Holy fuck I’m catching up on the debate Cuomo: “We don’t have 60m” Mamdani: “We did for your lawsuits” Sliwa: “I’m not wearing a hat”

So glad we’re all in on this technology

Just saw two hopeful news stories in a row so I’m done being informed for the day. No thank you, The News, I’m full