told my nephew that back in my day you could actually put Artifact on yourself and it would nullify the negative effects of cards like Biased Cognition and Wraith Form. he had his dad beat my ass and drive me back to the home

if they let me buy whatever prescriptions i wanted i would be a millionaire in three months

love dat crunjy choglid 😋

Lisa Rinna on The Traitors

Cum my penis Cum-cum my penis You're my butterfly, sugar penis

HER (having sex with me): please stop doing magic tricks ME: i can skip most of the rest of them but there's one i already committed to, like, hours ago

some of the most wonderful pictures of karate men, kung-fu women and kenpo children of all ages, and they were all drawn by a guy named Bengus

She pabst on my ribbon till it turned blue

growlithe's paws

bro are you doing okay? i just heard your deltarune boss theme and it had the Lost Girl leitmotif in it. hmu if you need to talk dawg

NES game found in an industrial garbage bin: Press A Arino: *presses A* GAME OVER - I didn't say Simon says! Arino: Ehhh? Ah, that really surprised me. Voiceover: Will this decrepit aging husk of a man be able to see his family tonight?

Avatar fighting game is really fucking good hot damn

unbelievable. years of hard work down the drain

sweat is the body's attempt to keep your thighs from ripping each other apart and shredding your genitals into nothing. cooling you down is just a fringe benefit

sorry brotha nothin on me

if she's your girl then why's she in the forest biome of my sanctuary and letting me tuck cards behind her every time i take food from the feeder?

Ol syphilis pushing that stone up my kidney and letting it roll back down

me trying to remember the five basic lands after the accident

a brilliant move. dsa has never encountered a poorly dressed white oaf with depression

GUY WHO DOESNT QUITE UNDERSTAND TOM SWIFTY JOKES: "shut the fuck up," said tom shut the fuck uply

smoking the new weed that gets your butt high and gives you diarrhea

Mid-year mid me

Is dirt real? I mean have you ever picked this stuff up and looked at it? A lot of it is rocks, a lot of it is this stuff called clay (look it up) some of it is just sand. bet the whole "dirt" industry is just a made up liberalism to hide the fact that the ground is made of sand and bugs and shit

They should patch it so beer is a vegetable

Delores "Dot" Matrix, inventor of the Gameboy screen

LA Confidential but instead of the LAPD it's the Something Awful moderation team

she was just convicted on 12 counts of aggravated assault 😇

caffeine hitting the bloodstream

reader be sweet you're in for a treat

please excuse my friend's offbeat charm. his dialogue was localized by Ted Woolsey

i kinda hate how every day is a winding road. I'd like for at least half the days to be something else

how now brown cow so long gay bowser

Normal Warm Medina

if elected I promise to turn the fucking caps lock key into something useful like maybe another ctrl key or some shit

bro did you read about trumps new tone shift? yeah bro it was a major shift in tone dawg. the tone is totally different absolutely shifted bro. please pay for my newspaper

marketing a fake cure for junky penis and making so much money that antifa shoots my dick balls and ass off

They're Charging 8 Red Coins for Some Kid Cuisine Shit

we didn't give that guy enough shit for buying horse ebooks and ruining it to advertise his youtube channel or whatever

How does Dasani taste like that? it tastes like it's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. it tastes like there's more water trapped inside the water. it tastes like water flavored goop. it tastes like water as rendered by the Gamecube or PS2. it tastes like drinking Super Mario Sunshine

the way i do the things i do cannot be described using any of the currently available adverbs

Bob Dylan covering songs is so funny to me. you know who I really want to hear sing Sinatra's classic hits? that's right, the guy who sounds like a cow that learned to talk

humans are the real monsters? no, monsters are the real monsters. humans are their own, worse thing

Cruel joke from the warden today. He said they were gonna commute my sentence but he wasn't talking about

cumming is honestly not a very good move. it has a very long startup, extremely long cool down, pitiful range, and unbelievably low damage.

my groundbreaking story "The Jackers Of Off: World's Strongest Masturbators" has once again been rejected by Shonen Jump

pass the dutchie pon de left hand side and nobody gets hurt

just between you and me, there's still sunshine when she's gone. that dude is just tripping

it's a hot kitchen bitch

The Surf Draculification of Final Fantasy 7