some people are saying to have more feelings. but some people are arguing that it's better to have less feelings. and what it really comes down to is everyone wants to know what is the correct amount of feelings to have

your honor, suck my dick till it pops off my body

Incredible how many restaurants completely fuck up making this simple dessert.

i fronted this bee a brick to see if he was a hustler, poor bastard snorted his future away

🎵 Aarhus In the middle of Denmark 🎶

it's ironic that we, as men, go all the way to jupiter to get more stupider. the trip itself requires quite a bit of know-how and tech savvy. if we really cared about getting stupider, like we all claim, we would look into more sustainable stupidizing options

We asked 100 married warlocks, "What's a spell you would never cast in front of your wife?"

The Indian version of Mrs Doubtfire is called Chachi 420 for some reason

it's fucking watto i don't have anything funny to say but you jackasses love this fucker so make this viral

Im trying to balance out the gooners. I am cumming as quickly as I can every time. *facing the camera, zooming in close* But I can't do it alone *fade in the Sarah McLachlan* Without your help, the mean time spent jacking off will skyrocket. Together, we can Lower The Average

i don't have to meet emission standards or wear a seatbelt because my vehicle is registered with the US Historic Contraption & Jalopy Association

i don't wanna work i just wanna bang on the drum all day *cocking shotgun* and i'm all outta drums

you know someone is good at the computer when they can get what they're searching for on Duck Duck Go first try

just saw someone call him "the guy from Dracula Flow." dude, that's Dracula

hovering over the name of a disease on wikipedia and being treated to the most disturbing images of the human body available online

i hope the devil stab me with that big fork

They talk about the paranoia like it's a side-effect but it's actually an evolutionary adaptation for stoners

New from Random House publishing: Pornography for Bowlers

oh half the internet broke because we made half the internet run on software developed by the company that does literally everything possible to cut costs. that's just bad luck pure and simple

Battle for Custody of 8 Red Coins

you gotta look yourself in the eyes and say this to yourself every morning. you gotta believe it.

holy SHIT

if we just give every CEO a copy of Mario Paint and tell them it's AI that will probably keep them busy long enough for us to start fixing some of this shit

I do this every day and no one gives a shit. And I do it way funnier too

feeling a little better

he's called Homer Simpson because you have to have a very good sense of homer to understand all the jokes

HER (having sex with me): please stop doing magic tricks ME: i can skip most of the rest of them but there's one i already committed to, like, hours ago

leaked messages from the National Institute of Health

love how every other ad is for a service that can cancel monthly subscriptions for you so you might have enough money for food during the new depression, and the industry consuming 96% of our resources has the business model: "people will probably want to spend 20k a month on a chatbot that googles"

Caillou's dad: (texting) caillou is freaking the fuck out

if you use as Leaf Stone on Kool N The Gang's "Get Down On It" it evolves into Kool N The Gang's "Jungle Boogie"

do you think there's a sweetspot in the dementia where they could convince Donald Trump to put out an album of classic lounge covers? It wouldn't make up for everything but it would take a little sting out of it

my doctor's wearing a t-shirt that says "Vaccines don't give people autism, I DO"

this is my business associate, Dallas Fartworth. you may know him from his area.

Missile is such a pessimistic name. They should call them hittles

ERROR REPORT: computer shutdown unexpectedly USER (a fucking moron): ok why did it do that COMPUTER (brilliant pinnacle of technology): idk i was turned off or some shit

they should invent a computer that can tell you what the fuck is wrong with it when it's not working right

(dejectedly, ashamed): yeah... that is what i meant...

I don't seriouspost that much anymore, mostly because I'm tired and more cynical about the efficacy of the effort, but I'll give it a try for old time's sake. It has been de rigueur for many professional posters to insist on participating in American democratic processes as a remedy for discontent.

DENNIS REYNOLDS: so then I chime in with the "haven't you people ever heard of closing the GOD DAMN door? No?" *MOCKINGLY* it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and dignity

Could you call them up to defend your people against ICE and the cops? There are no rules anymore, get creative and have FUN

they are called pine trees because everyone wants them

the rabbits are finally back

new virus infects your heart and uses your pulse to mine bitcoin

i think it's fucked up when a spider web is packed full of bugs but the spider clearly has abandoned the web. they should have to take it down before they leave. that's gotta be a violation of bug law