Got told off for playing with the wool in Dobbies so I ended up buying it. I can't knit. Merry Christmas, Mum.

I took my niece to the panto last night - Cinderella at The Epstein. We ate Skittles and ice-cream, got covered in fake snow and ended up soggy after the cast went mad with super soakers. A solid 8/10.

Know what I love? When you're the butt of everyone's jokes, but you are just enjoying your success in a joyous and dignified way, knowing that it's killing them. Up The Snidey Fucking Toffees!

This is the best thing I've seen in my entire life.

Maybe I follow too many grown ups.

No one on my feed is talking about Stranger Things. I need someone to geek out with.

Enjoying sheer nostalgia of watching Bullseye on a Sunday evening. Unacceptable prizes though, far too useful.

I'm in St. Helens and people keep calling me cocker.

I know pet names can get people's back up, but I get warm fuzzies when older people call me queen.

Might actually watch the World Cup next year 🇮🇪🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Grandad from Donegal, Grandma from Glasgow. I'll be off my face if Scotland make it as well as ROI.

On a lighter note, I have just accidentally begun my criminal career by not paying for the bog rolls I'd hung on the back of the shopping trolley. Feels good to be bad.

Lost my grandad to suicide. It's far enough away now (26 years), that I just feel love when I think of him, but the guilt and what ifs are still there.

Get to know your followers, 10 random things you like: Dogs Films on the big screen Gothic horror Books - from classics to trash Spicy, woody aftershave Authentic people who don't give a shit what others think Churches (not religion - booo) Lemon cheesecake Weird facts Well chosen words

The fight scene in Bridget Jones's Diary should've won a prize for realism. Pure handbags.

Love being reminded to do this every year. It's a win/win all round

I'd forgotten how much I love James Morrison's voice.

I'll just be watching Shawshank for the bazillionth time. Always time well spent.

Watching Cabinet of Curiosities on Netflix and I'd highly recommend it if you like your TV creepy AF. Just skip episode 2 if you don't like rats 🐀

Ok, last shout on these cheap stocking fillers. They all sound great, but I've only got so much room on my board. DM if you're interested before I have to deal with gumtree people. Diolch! x

Ah, Pauline Collins has passed away. The older I get, the more I understand Shirley Valentine and why she buggered off to Greece.

Horror themed 40th last night. Kept being asked for photos by people in the toilets because Coraline is their favourite book/film. One said "I feel like I've met a celebrity." 🤣

Just when I thought I couldn't dislike that prick any more than I already do.

A gigantic hotdog and a bucket of Pepsi Max Cherry for the Back to the Future 40th anniversary showing. Yes, I know hotdogs are made of lips and arseholes. Ask me if I care.

I genuinely enjoy carving pumpkins, but I often think of my Grandad carving out a swede. He mustn't have been able to use his hand for days and the house smelt like burning shit.

Amazon is helping fund a $300 million build of a ballroom for the White House. Independent bookstores are donating to food banks and organizations that help with food insecurity. They are not the same.

Out of office on. And not before bloody time.

Throwback to 2014, when I apparently thought this was a good photo opportunity. IYKYK

The reform party nativity scene. No unmarried mothers. No Middle Eastern people. No refugees. No people seeking emergency accommodation. And not a wise fvcking man in sight…

A true man of the people!

My brother won't eat hospital food and asked for fish, chips, peas and a carton of gravy... TWELVE ENGLISH POUNDS. Nearly ended up in ozzy myself.

Thanks for all the nice comments on this. But I’m genuinely looking for people who could do with a lift up, mow the lawn, paint a wall, do a big shop, as long as I’m helping someone who needs it, then it’s a better use of my time than box sets! Please share & DM if you or anyone else need a hand 💙

Cannot wait for this 🎈

Cannot get my head around why anyone would want to eat mince pies.

Dirty bastards.

New Yorkers are taking no shit ✊🏻

Men are weird creatures.

Dogs are naturally #Antifa no training needed.

For whoever needs to hear it, you matter more than you know.

World Menopause day. I know it's the butt of many jokes, but it would help us all if people were more educated about it. I'd be much less homicidal for a start. @allontheboard.bsky.social

I know I'm a wrong'un, but it feels so right.

So, people, who are able to vote, breed and make important decisions, are removing their pubic hair and buying Kim Kardashian's 'synthetic pubic hair panties'. They've actually sold out. What a time to be alive.

I am not built for 12 hour days.

Gonna try to fit in some reading in between life changing disasters.

Who needs a social life when Maggie Fu will deliver a succulent Chinese meal and Strictly is on?

Sleepout done! Lights on at 5am can fuck right off though 🔫 really made me think about how vulnerable rough sleepers are. I was safe, fed and watered, so many aren't. Thank you so much to everyone who donated, you are all amazing 💙

And so it begins... www.justgiving.com/page/michell...

My Grandma would've been 87 today. I miss our annual conversation about her spicing up her life by getting into granny porn. She always said her gammy hand was too much of a hindrance.

My crush on Roy Keane is still going strong.

I just want Peter Serafinowicz to read me to sleep.