Dammit hipsters you couldn’t keep Schlitz alive what are you even good for

Sleepy Donatello Smurfette Scooby Dot Nelson Muntz

If this guy weren’t in charge I’d be so grateful for the gift of comedy prompts but good god you guys he’s got the nuclear football

That’s a tomb you fucking ghoul

Geez if only we had a CFPB tasked with handling this sort of thing

Me: I miss making art Also me: bitch, your last showbiz job made you make King Of Queens memes for a website owned by a transphobe who pays children to do video games for him. You didn’t make art.

Anyway, this is fucking heartbreaking

Shout out to the Ukrainian government for having more of a backbone against Trump with considerably higher stakes than his freaking own political party

One more hour till I don’t have to think about Mother’s Day for an entire year

Cheers to the weekend 🍻

This legit looks like it should exist on the patio of a suburban McDonalds play place

The average American has 3 friends

Let Bear pick out his gotcha day treat and he’s eating the second half of it right now and this might be the grossest smelling bully stick I’ve ever experienced.

Start shit Get innocent people killed Threaten to destroy a civilization Cave Declare victory Masterful gambit, sir

Prez: We want a ceasefire Zelensky: Sure. You cease your parade and we keep setting your refineries on fire.

If you told me a 3 years ago I’d be using found sticks to scrape devils soft serve grade dog poops off the sidewalk I would have said “my mom is sure gonna be mad I didn’t “give” her that grandkid she expected”

Man if only we were close allies of a nation that has been bravely fending off drone attacks on civilian centers for literally years 🫠🫠🫠

Let’s be honest Rudy was never stable

You can order pills from overseas clinics and mutual aid groups. *Possessing* mifepristone is not a crime (except in Louisiana). I'm not saying I have some but I am saying if you are someone who can get pregnant or knows people who can, order some now. www.plancpills.org

Nothing prepares you for that feeling of TV ad parents with CHILDREN, not babies looking considerably younger than you

Watching the new seasons of Say Yes To The Dress and wow my superpower is spotting the psycho mom from a mile away.

New mantra unlocked 🔓

You know I’m starting to think these MAGA guys aren’t so great 🙃🫠😵‍💫

Do you even have a dog if you haven’t stepped on a piece of banana your dog decided to outright reject after moving it closer to his bed and let out a yelp in a 50 percent design crit?

Absolutely incredible 10/10 no notes

Yoooooooo grandpas brain is potato soup

A woman’s life begins at conception and ends in totally preventable childbirth complications according to the GOP I guess.

It’s nice in this day and age to see people get exactly what they deserve

Well, the WHCA dinner is over There has been a security issue with evacuations and Secret Service running around

Absolutely pathetic

USS(A)R

It’s like my dad always says, always bet on yourself.

I’ve never rooted harder for cocaine I’ll tell you what

I have to admire the delusion of Southwest Airlines to think a father and son sitting court side at a professional basketball game would fly Southwest for the trip home. Sure, Jan.

Bring back Taine!!!! 🤣

Salute to an all-time tweet

I’m sure this is fine 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

"She’s been a court interpreter for over 20 years, the only one licensed in Texas for Hindi, Punjabi, or Urdu. Her language skills are requested nationwide..." "One of her children recently enlisted in the military... www.texasobserver.org/immigration-...

I’m just grateful I won’t have to explain any of this to my non existent grandchildren.

All seems legit 🙃

Oh god they don’t have edible food on the USS Lincoln rn

It’s a shame my grandmother isn’t alive to watch her cult leader threaten her religious leader. She would have hated it so much.

I’m incredibly obsessed with JD Vance sinking Victor Orban

Congrats to the people of Hungary and the EU!

In way better news, this charming psycho received two entire strips of bacon at brunch today because his begging face is unmatched.

Any time he’s distracted and unable to threaten anyone via the social machine might honestly be a win (it’s fun to live in hell 🙃)

I should be better at frogger considering how much time I spend in midtown

So, I was looking for some of my old Melania memes to post, and ran across one of my all-time favorites. Enjoy ;)

Okay this isn’t really happening anymore so I can tell you how l had “internal ICE sources”: the 3000 very stir-crazy ICE agents were all going wild on Minneapolis Tinder. Local girls would match with them and string them along for intel. They loved to brag about what they were doing all day

Oh shit would watch