Seems I went to bed last night with a big dollop of sheep shit on my neck last night… that or something really weird happened while I was asleep.

Can we get the sofa shagger to campaign for frog face next?

Old school mountain biking day today. Shorts, mud, scuffed knees, coffee and a sticky bun… might have had a cheeky pint too. Perfect

there's so much bad in the world but there's also people who lift up and carry an elderly bat around every day so he can pretend he's flying again, and that's the part of the world I think is worth fighting for

Fully expect Starmer to make Mandelson his new chief of staff.

A morning spent trying to plot a mountainbike ride that avoids the flooded and impassable bridleways is proving a challenge. Waterproof socks, where-art-thou.

6th February 2023 London Planes claw at the fog on Jesus Green. Picture from my new book 'Cambridge - Light & Shade'. Available at www.cambridgebooks.co.uk/cambridge-li... and all bookshops.

I missed this, and it is AMAZING. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

There’s a story in this…

I’m entering The Teenager as potential winner of #Duvetknowitschristmas He’s had to move from his bedroom to the unconverted attic Cardboard floor & headboard is a nice touch which I’m sure he appreciates He think it looks like he’s living in a meth den #DuvetKnowItsChristmas

T’was the night before Christmas And all was quiet, calm, contented. I’d prepped all day like a man ‘kin demented! So a deserved glass of fizz by the fire Maybe some music by a festive church choir. As my mind relaxed that nagging thought still lingered.

This is a model for what actual masculinity should be. Men don’t need to spend more time in caves beating their chests with other men; they need to take their daughters to a meaningful thing and talk to them about it. Relatedly I think the biggest cure for toxic masculinity is platonic women friends

A day spent drinking in Soho in that there London Town. What could possibly go wrong.

The orange twat has been awarded a trophy for groping?

Oh to be back in 1972. This beauties might have lasted a couple of lunch breaks.

Can’t help thinking I’d not go on a far right fascist twunts March unless I was a fascist far right twunt. Own it you pricks.

Head down, go for it.

More than enough for 5 days away.

Be great if the flag shaggers could show how much they love and are proud of Britain by picking up some litter instead, mend a pot hole or two maybe.

Just been reminded what I was doing 40 years ago today. Yikes!

My brain hurts

I’m not even sure what I’m eating

All pogged out on pizza

Absolutely dystopian juxtaposition from the Guardian front page. Difficult to understand how anyone of decency and conscience can defend this government at this point. Just sheer moral degeneracy to arm a state that does this and arrest people for objecting. Wtf are we doing as a country?

Becoming World champions was slightly marred by having that fat paedo hand over the trophy

Daughter at Heaton Park tonight. Very much not her music!

And Moth’s not even his real name!!! Wtf

Couldn’t watch the old git, but have the crowd started chanting ‘fuck farage’ yet?

I spend an awful lot of time watering the canes in my garden

Twinned with Cockermouth in Cumbria, apparently.

Lovely bit of Osees. Dan!! Dan!

Bloomin lovely ride

What’s that Scooby, a 6 hour bike ride and only 20 miles? That’ll be the 5 pints then

Excellent night out at the theatre.

Never a happy sight

Watching a magpie in my garden pick the eyes from a rat then taunt and peck at it as it ran around the garden was a fitting end to the carnage of my two days in Cardiff.

What a game! Saints edging Leinster out in a classic. Looking forward to my two days in Cardiff for the final in a few weeks :))

Every time I accidentally hear a Tory MP at the moment I can actually feel my life shortening as my soul tries to peel itself off the physical universe from sheer shame.

Going to have to put up with that smug frog-faced fucker for a bit longer then.

My lovely friendly little garden Robin has passed away. He will fly no more. I felt he was part of the family, in many ways the son I didn’t have. He was almost too beautiful, even in death to chuck in the bin.

No wonder I’m fucked!

I’ve a book cover to design this afternoon about Trump. I can visualise the cover and I’m using dirty protest for inspiration…any illustrators with a shocking case of diarrhoea out there?

Flew out of the clean, efficient, friendly Malaga airport with some wonderfully fresh, tasty, affordable food this morning into Birmingham, which is none of those things.

Bloody well clouding over now.

Bloomin funny way to start any morning :)

A very pheasant walk

A wartime leader has to endure a scripted and for-television double act of shame from a sofa shagger in eyeliner and convicted criminal caked in orange make up. I bet he'll be glad to get back to the air raid sirens and missile attacks.

Why the fuck are so many people reposting that shitty Trump Gaza AI vid? I left Twitter to avoid all this shitty bollocks!!!!