...oh. I was keenly aware that gender transition was a thing *people* could do from young childhood. I never thought of it as something *I* could want or do, I suspect because "people" and "I" were distinct categories in my head.

hang on was I fascinated by frogs and butterflies as a kid for reasons related to the extreme transformation they undergo through their lifecycle as some kind of abstract yearning for a future and life I couldn't accept wanting

maybe when I get fired I pivot to learning graphics programming or something, I wouldn't hate learning more advanced math even if I would hate writing code for a living

that my9games thing seems fun

I'm so placid rn, barely even panicked, thinking about maybe going back to grad school even, I deserve to earn a PhD in some esoteric computer arcana

I must not crash out. Crashing out is the chill-killer. Crashing out is the little tantrum that brings total obliteration.

thinking about that tinkersec thread describing the experience of burnout so severe that you try to sit down and do the thing and just blank out instead, for no particular reason

If you're in the game industry and use LinkedIn, please do me a favor and share my post about Sentona Games screwing me out of money I'm owed. Thank you

oh fuck the adderall isn't enough to keep me on task at work anymore is my inability to focus a symptom of chronic stress and anxiety instead of adhd this is a bad time to have been automatically put on a pip for a second "needs improvement" performance review in a row

since we're all talking about metal again seems like a good time to bring up: the all-female pro-trans pro-palestine brutal death metal band emasculator, who made one of my favorite records of 2024, is back in the studio so it is an excellent time to become a fan

thinking again about the VICE guide to partying

went 0-3 with Harbinger ponza at the small local sorcery contested realm tournament where I get exclusively misgendered wearing mascara and my "infinite tranny solidarity" tanktop or transgender PlayStation logo tanktop but I did get complimented on bringing wild jank by someone playing wild jank

and, on the horizon. gods

ok last Saturday was spent developing film to make room in film holders to go wander around Longmont and shoot whatever seemed cool until it was almost too late to even go play Sorcery. This week, though, I *might* have a friend coming with me to play so it'd be weird to drive down and back twice

I think I'm gonna start Vyvanse instead of just having the instant release Adderall, maybe this gives me the power to achieve a task instead of blinking and realizing I stared at the wall for twenty minutes and now my eyes are dry

This is what I need cis folks to understand. It's been a decade. Imagine living TEN FUCKING YEARS watching as a blatant, artificial campaign to erase your personhood, your identity and your safety chugs along, increasing in power every single day, and most people don't care or dismiss it

When faced with a shockingly exploitative new employment contract that would’ve forced them to sign away their IP, their likeness rights, and their power of attorney, Jupiter Jetson and her coworkers at Sheri’s fought back—fast. They organized a union in SIX DAYS. www.thenation.com/article/econ...

COLORADANS! Trans Continental Pipeline also needs volunteers willing to provide a place to stay for trans folks relocating there. The volunteer form is here: tcpipeline.org/volunteer/

well I'm gonna take a pill that makes it hard to be awake and see if I can sleep through some apoplexy, good night Internet

the right's propaganda against trans people has been one of their most successful campaigns as of late. it's been so obviously astroturfed, so clearly manufactured. but they have useful toadies like singal who gets opinion pieces in the NYT to convince the liberals it's okay

it's 2016: north carolina introduces a bill to ban trans people from using bathrooms safely. there's a national outcry; companies withdraw business up to and including the NCAA cancelling a publicized game. the bill fails. it's 2026: kansas passes a law nullifying trans people's licenses. crickets.

hey this is legitimately terrifying and if you're not paying attention to this you need to be right now

MAKE AN EMERGENCY DONATION to Trans Continental Pipeline right now. They are a Colorado based org that helps trans people relocate there and they are overwhelmed with requests. CO borders KS, and TCP has the infrastructure to help get people out. GO DONATE. tcpipeline.org

Tapping the sign

for reference, that's more than 1 in 10. for people who are out of the closet and show up in statistics, it's 1 in 5. imagine 20% of any population being forced to uproot and relocate. this is not normal

Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, and Anthrax

This would be considered a human rights crisis elsewhere

this has nothing to do with what he's saying which is obviously vile but why does his face move like the plastic suits in that one primus video

it is not enough to merely let guys be dudes, if they are not further afforded the means and opportunity to rock

ok hopefully working 9 to 8 is enough time that I can go home and cook dinner

I gotta find a spot that sells preserved lemons, this porcini ragout isn't gonna wait a month

love being constantly and exclusively he/him'd at the meeting with two managers I've explicitly told I'm trans to explain the corrective action plan work is placing me on, definitely not dissociating through it and therefore exhibiting the cause of my underperformance

KMFDM Sure, you put on "Xtort" while you vacuum the house, but you've been doing that for decades, that's not the problem. The problem is that this time, your teen's shithead friends kept asking "what videogame is this from?" and then saying "Must be ancient, like Halo 3"

quoting just to have this written somewhere that isn't in someone's replies: maintaining/repairing a machine or operating one deliberately enough are acts of intimate worship in the same way that cooking and sharing a meal is, it's up to you whether or not to be horny about it

gonna take some cameras with me to the game store and wander around Longmont for photos to take before playing sorcery

I should try to learn to play Go

I think I'm gonna stop buying myself meat if a dream convinced me to try transing my gender and it turned out this well I should probably take the one telling me to adjust my diet seriously

People on bluesky will really be like "you believe in voting? that pales in effectiveness to my strategy, direct action" and then do direct action and it works.

day 2 coverage: draft day

have we tried it I get the sense that we could try it and see if it works instead of speculating that it won't

i need everyone to understand prisons have now officially become forced detransition conversion camps i am begging you all to stay safe, things are getting dark for cis people, they are making new laws to imprison us and now this when they do, this. do the math, this is a genocide. we need help.

sorcerycon coverage of limited (sealed today, draft tomorrow) and constructed (saturday and sunday) is on now

email moderation about her please, this is not okay bsky.app/profile/tear...

fuck have I been struggling with the latter halves of rules 2 and 3 for a while, that shit's hard

but no really we need cis ppl who positively and enthusiastically advocate for us and i dont care if it's a little corny bc im so fucking tired of the ironic detachment "no one cares" angle of allyship

probably the most important part of being a survivor is the surviving

I didn't expect to write a horny poem about drowning in a strainer this morning but we're through it now

The disassembly of the Berlin Wall and the collapse of the World Trade Center happened closer together than today and the collapse of the World Trade Center.

she's transgunder btw