I'm a little afraid to go anywhere with this gushy geyser glazing the globe

Y'girl's got that WAP WAP. New pussy sloshing errwhere 🌮💦

Algebra was easy in Ancient Rome. X = 10.

What follows is my attempt to sum up the whole of queer theory: I have gay sex. Class dismissed.

I'll be doing a Thanksgiving dinner crawl today, to make sure I make everyone's day a little more awkward.

YOOOOO!!!!! The homie @myqkaplan.bsky.social is dropping a new special to the YouTube this Wednesday. Check it out!

It's getting darker earlier. So, don't forget to close your blinds, so people don't be looking up in your booty-hole. You gotta beware of booty-hole lurkers filling up booty with the evil eye 👁

The reason most people are unfamiliar with the distinction between pedophilia and hebephilia is because most people aren't pedophiles.

In the US, law enforcement isn't just legally allowed to lie to you, they're ENCOURAGED to. OTOH, your lawyer is legally prohibited from lying to you and can lose her license for it. Which of those professions, though, do you reflexively associate more with lying? You're not immune to copaganda.

It's trending for every polyamory podcast to rap their take on the ranking of humans, dinosaurs, and dogs and this whole thing is a bit derivative and pandering to the algorithm. But, ya know, just incase you were looking for the Amateurs take on the matter (full context in this week's ep):

I can never shake the feeling that a bisexual man with a pretty dick and bubble butt would solve 💯% of my problems *I am ALWAYS accepting applications

You ever stop and think, "Where did I leave that butt plug?" 🤔

Imma need all these bubble butt gay boys over on Instagram to log off, so I can be more productive 🥵

THE ART OF SENSUAL SOCK SHARING. LEARN HOW TO SHARE SOCKS... SENSUALLY! FOR FREE. JUST TAKES 1 HOUR WHILE YOU DO DISHES OR WHATEVER. Ok, that's enough. #polyamory #socks #podcast podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/p...

My friend @daniel.kibblesmith wrote a book! It’s called “SO YOU’VE BEEN BITTEN BY A RADIOACTIVE SPIDER: HOW TO SURVIVE THE MARVEL UNIVERSE” and it looks like this! Daniel is super funny and smart and great and so is the book so I recommend it! Enjoy!

Halloween is our annual reminder of how many of us would likely be taken out by a slutty witch or big dick alien vampire 👻

Do you suppose JD Vance ever fanatasizes about Charlie Kirk's neck while fucking Charlie Kirk's wife? 🤔

STOP DROP AND ROLL... with us. The world burns but at least we can have some laughs with @mxdahliabelle.bsky.social while we all choke on some titties. YES YOU HEARD US. Or rather can hear us here: open.spotify.com/episode/54NQ...

My favorite book of the Bible has always been Thisniggahere's 1st Letter to Them Niggas Over There. I always turn to them shits for inspiration 🙏🏿

These three things are true: 1. You should go to the rally. 2. You should practice good opsec just in case—even if you're a bunch of retirees milling about in a parking lot, it's good to practice. 3. You should talk to your neighbors and turn the energy into action that will carry past tomorrow.

My new comedy bio: Some bitch. Something something Netflix. Jokes and politics. As seen on Piers Morgan. Voice on NPR. A couple podcasts. Fat ass. Mx. Dahlia Belle... cats, drugs, and booty-holes. Pay me.

I'm exclusively attracted to men secure enough in their masculinity to sustain eye contact while having sex with other men

Just keep fucking butts til everybody's gay 🍑💦

If Jesus lives, he's been ghosting us for 2000 years. Maybe take a hint.

Damn. I'm a transgender antifascist. Where are my terrorism checks? 🤑

If your religion doesn't allow for butt sex, you've already lost me. Go talk to somebody else.

Haven't heard from Charlie Kirk in a minute? That dude retire or something 😏

Let's keep this train of generosity and kindness moving forward gofund.me/25d276497

I had hoped to star in a gangbang for my 40th birthday, but then the pandemic happened and everybody got sad. Next month I turn 44. Who's planning my party?

Whenever I'm looking at places to move, they always list shit I don't care about, like best schools, lowest property taxes, least crime, blah blah blah I just wanna know what city has the most bisexual Black men dicking down middle-aged trans women

Before her death, Jane Goodall left us all with a compelling message from her last interviews: While we’re the most 'intellectual animals' to ever walk the planet, "we’re not intelligent." “Because intelligent creatures don’t destroy their only home.” From our friends at @vox.com:

Me (every day): No more! I'm done looking at juicy, round man butts. Insta for you feed: Would you like more man butt, m'lady? Me: Well, now that you mention it, let me grab a plate 🤤

YOOOOO!!!!! Y'all gotta watch #Wayward. This nigga said, "Don't booty juice me!" And I about died 😅

I forgot my family signed us up with 23andMe. These 🥷s just emailed me an update to let me know I'm probably related to every other nigga in America 😒 (and asked if I wanted to pay for a premium membership)

From Day 1 (it's literally in the national anthem)

I just found out that some of you have continued filing taxes after 2020 🤯 Couldn't be me 😅

What's the point of DMs if nobody's gonna send me dick pics? This really is the worst timeline imaginable 😩

My phone autocorrects "pop" to "poppers"

My favorite part of MAGA's "trantifa" conspiracy is the implication that trans people are the de facto defenders of democracy 😂

Baby likes'm Black, bi, buff, & brainy with a big ol' butt

“.. I can’t remember anyone ever telling me we can’t say anything critical about a civilian like this. He was not in our chain of command or anything,” the officer said. @nbcnews.com www.nbcnews.com/politics/nat...

I've officially aged out of bottoming. I'm eating at a bar.

Y'know what would **REALLY** own the libs? Showing off how well MAGA breathes underwater. ADULTS ONLY!!! You gotta have the maturity and high IQ first.

Anyone care to send a broke bitch $20? If yes, then 💸App💲beautifulblackdahlia

I've never had a boyfriend. Not sure if I'm disappointed or bragging 🤷🏿‍♀️

cisgender white men with no friends remain far and away the highest-risk demographic for mass shootings. nothing has changed about this

This could be us, but you ain't bout shit 💦🤤

Governor of Illinois announces new LGBTQ+ helpline: ‘We will fight cruelty with compassion’ www.thepinknews.com/... #transgender #trans #LGBTQ #LGBTQIA

Y'all ain't about to fool me. Lil Nas X is facing three years in jail for being gay on the strip. Had I been famous in college, I guess I'd still be in jail, to this day.

Another tough morning liking pictures of men's butts on the internet 😩