Erika Kirk continuing to deny murdering her husband sets a bad example encouraging women to not take credit for their work

Not looking forward to the WH reporting the shooter's 3rd cousin twice removed once dated a guy who's cousin's 5th grade math teacher lived next door to a family with a transgender daughter 😒

My current biggest contradiction is how mundane I want people to understand the trans experience to be while being consistently fabulous 💅🏿

Dear Comedy Venues, If you leave the house lights on and I can see every individual member of the audience, then we're no longer doing stand-up. That's an NA meeting. How you gonna offer me a show just to rope me into an intervention? Sincerely, Your Local Addict/Comedian

I'm just gonna start shouting "YOU'RE AI‼️" in people's faces irl when I disagree with them

I am sick and tired of these tight booty bubble butt queers out here flaunting their universal sex appeal making ME feel gay 😤 I am a god-fearing Christian women

Some terf slid into my DMs to accuse me of having a sexual fetish for "invading women's spaces." Girl, my go to sexual fetish is getting dicked down by half a dozen men. Foh

My gay cat found a dildo to cuddle

What irritates me most about the whole Byron Noem discussion is everyone tripping over themselves in defense of crossdressers but not one person has come to the defense of people with wonky nipples

Now that I don't have a dick, I find myself saying "suck my dick" a lot

Errbody think cats are being disrespectful when they don't respond to their names, but y'all just ain't saying anything interesting

I like my women like I like my men, and no, I won't elaborate

My partner thinks they're better than me, cause they don't poop their pants or fall asleep on the toilet 😠 THEY AIN'T BETTER THAN ME!!

I'm on a mission to discover the maximum amount of @$$ my frame can carry 🍑

I'm torn. Do I hate making decisions because I'm a submissive bottom or because I like blaming others for outcomes? 🤔

Men (ALL men) confound me. Like how can you have interacted with men and normal people and still want to be associated with men? 🤯 There's no way being a trans man is a choice.

Sadly, as an absurdist, I feel obligated to watch the State of the Union tonight

How dare you ask me to remember something? I've spent 1000s of dollars and nearly 3 decades of substance abuse to forget all that shit.

Am I asexual or have I lived around too many white people all my life? 🤔

Dear RFK Jr., My guy... snorting cocaine off of toilet seats is a choice. Cars have hoods. Did you not have a key or know someone else with one? Could you not find a pen cap? You don't even need the entire pen. Tf is wrong with you!?

My doctor says I can't have sex for another month, but what if, hypothetically speaking, I was addicted to getting dicked down, and will literally die a physical death if I don't get some dick in me soon? What then? 🫨

This isn't a humble brag. I'm fucking gorgeous 💅🏿

I rarely do the same set twice. It's just not as much fun for me.

Santa's only got a few more hours to put Anthony Joshua up in me before I stop believing in miracles

I'm a little afraid to go anywhere with this gushy geyser glazing the globe

Y'girl's got that WAP WAP. New pussy sloshing errwhere 🌮💦

Algebra was easy in Ancient Rome. X = 10.

What follows is my attempt to sum up the whole of queer theory: I have gay sex. Class dismissed.

I'll be doing a Thanksgiving dinner crawl today, to make sure I make everyone's day a little more awkward.

YOOOOO!!!!! The homie @myqkaplan.bsky.social is dropping a new special to the YouTube this Wednesday. Check it out!

It's getting darker earlier. So, don't forget to close your blinds, so people don't be looking up in your booty-hole. You gotta beware of booty-hole lurkers filling up booty with the evil eye 👁

The reason most people are unfamiliar with the distinction between pedophilia and hebephilia is because most people aren't pedophiles.

In the US, law enforcement isn't just legally allowed to lie to you, they're ENCOURAGED to. OTOH, your lawyer is legally prohibited from lying to you and can lose her license for it. Which of those professions, though, do you reflexively associate more with lying? You're not immune to copaganda.

It's trending for every polyamory podcast to rap their take on the ranking of humans, dinosaurs, and dogs and this whole thing is a bit derivative and pandering to the algorithm. But, ya know, just incase you were looking for the Amateurs take on the matter (full context in this week's ep):

I can never shake the feeling that a bisexual man with a pretty dick and bubble butt would solve 💯% of my problems *I am ALWAYS accepting applications

You ever stop and think, "Where did I leave that butt plug?" 🤔

Imma need all these bubble butt gay boys over on Instagram to log off, so I can be more productive 🥵

THE ART OF SENSUAL SOCK SHARING. LEARN HOW TO SHARE SOCKS... SENSUALLY! FOR FREE. JUST TAKES 1 HOUR WHILE YOU DO DISHES OR WHATEVER. Ok, that's enough. #polyamory #socks #podcast podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/p...

My friend @daniel.kibblesmith wrote a book! It’s called “SO YOU’VE BEEN BITTEN BY A RADIOACTIVE SPIDER: HOW TO SURVIVE THE MARVEL UNIVERSE” and it looks like this! Daniel is super funny and smart and great and so is the book so I recommend it! Enjoy!

Halloween is our annual reminder of how many of us would likely be taken out by a slutty witch or big dick alien vampire 👻

Do you suppose JD Vance ever fanatasizes about Charlie Kirk's neck while fucking Charlie Kirk's wife? 🤔

STOP DROP AND ROLL... with us. The world burns but at least we can have some laughs with @mxdahliabelle.bsky.social while we all choke on some titties. YES YOU HEARD US. Or rather can hear us here: open.spotify.com/episode/54NQ...

My favorite book of the Bible has always been Thisniggahere's 1st Letter to Them Niggas Over There. I always turn to them shits for inspiration 🙏🏿

These three things are true: 1. You should go to the rally. 2. You should practice good opsec just in case—even if you're a bunch of retirees milling about in a parking lot, it's good to practice. 3. You should talk to your neighbors and turn the energy into action that will carry past tomorrow.

My new comedy bio: Some bitch. Something something Netflix. Jokes and politics. As seen on Piers Morgan. Voice on NPR. A couple podcasts. Fat ass. Mx. Dahlia Belle... cats, drugs, and booty-holes. Pay me.

I'm exclusively attracted to men secure enough in their masculinity to sustain eye contact while having sex with other men

Just keep fucking butts til everybody's gay 🍑💦

If Jesus lives, he's been ghosting us for 2000 years. Maybe take a hint.