These three things are true: 1. You should go to the rally. 2. You should practice good opsec just in case—even if you're a bunch of retirees milling about in a parking lot, it's good to practice. 3. You should talk to your neighbors and turn the energy into action that will carry past tomorrow.

My new comedy bio: Some bitch. Something something Netflix. Jokes and politics. As seen on Piers Morgan. Voice on NPR. A couple podcasts. Fat ass. Mx. Dahlia Belle... cats, drugs, and booty-holes. Pay me.

I'm exclusively attracted to men secure enough in their masculinity to sustain eye contact while having sex with other men

Just keep fucking butts til everybody's gay 🍑💦

If Jesus lives, he's been ghosting us for 2000 years. Maybe take a hint.

Damn. I'm a transgender antifascist. Where are my terrorism checks? 🤑

If your religion doesn't allow for butt sex, you've already lost me. Go talk to somebody else.

Haven't heard from Charlie Kirk in a minute? That dude retire or something 😏

Let's keep this train of generosity and kindness moving forward gofund.me/25d276497

I had hoped to star in a gangbang for my 40th birthday, but then the pandemic happened and everybody got sad. Next month I turn 44. Who's planning my party?

Whenever I'm looking at places to move, they always list shit I don't care about, like best schools, lowest property taxes, least crime, blah blah blah I just wanna know what city has the most bisexual Black men dicking down middle-aged trans women

Before her death, Jane Goodall left us all with a compelling message from her last interviews: While we’re the most 'intellectual animals' to ever walk the planet, "we’re not intelligent." “Because intelligent creatures don’t destroy their only home.” From our friends at @vox.com:

Me (every day): No more! I'm done looking at juicy, round man butts. Insta for you feed: Would you like more man butt, m'lady? Me: Well, now that you mention it, let me grab a plate 🤤

YOOOOO!!!!! Y'all gotta watch #Wayward. This nigga said, "Don't booty juice me!" And I about died 😅

I forgot my family signed us up with 23andMe. These 🥷s just emailed me an update to let me know I'm probably related to every other nigga in America 😒 (and asked if I wanted to pay for a premium membership)

From Day 1 (it's literally in the national anthem)

I just found out that some of you have continued filing taxes after 2020 🤯 Couldn't be me 😅

What's the point of DMs if nobody's gonna send me dick pics? This really is the worst timeline imaginable 😩

My phone autocorrects "pop" to "poppers"

My favorite part of MAGA's "trantifa" conspiracy is the implication that trans people are the de facto defenders of democracy 😂

Baby likes'm Black, bi, buff, & brainy with a big ol' butt

“.. I can’t remember anyone ever telling me we can’t say anything critical about a civilian like this. He was not in our chain of command or anything,” the officer said. @nbcnews.com www.nbcnews.com/politics/nat...

I've officially aged out of bottoming. I'm eating at a bar.

Y'know what would **REALLY** own the libs? Showing off how well MAGA breathes underwater. ADULTS ONLY!!! You gotta have the maturity and high IQ first.

Anyone care to send a broke bitch $20? If yes, then 💸App💲beautifulblackdahlia

I've never had a boyfriend. Not sure if I'm disappointed or bragging 🤷🏿‍♀️

cisgender white men with no friends remain far and away the highest-risk demographic for mass shootings. nothing has changed about this

This could be us, but you ain't bout shit 💦🤤

Governor of Illinois announces new LGBTQ+ helpline: ‘We will fight cruelty with compassion’ www.thepinknews.com/... #transgender #trans #LGBTQ #LGBTQIA

Y'all ain't about to fool me. Lil Nas X is facing three years in jail for being gay on the strip. Had I been famous in college, I guess I'd still be in jail, to this day.

Another tough morning liking pictures of men's butts on the internet 😩

If you've got the time to harass people for smoking weed on their front porch then you probably don't have all that much violence to prevent

I say this as an artist.... Do NOT date us unless you are one of us!!!! We *will* disappoint you at every turn. We just want people with whom we can parallel create. NOTE: This may or may not exclusively apply to me, but you've been warned 🙅🏿‍♀️ YMMV

Please feel free to share this with anyone you know who thinks that DC is a crime riddled nightmare. When they roll out the National Guard on Monday, know that it's entirely an excuse to put the military in the streets in the nation's capital. It's not about safety. It's about authoritarianism.

FYI, I recently took some quality pics of my booty-hole, should anyone care to see something beautiful 🍑

Do you hate brown people? Have you always wanted to be a cop, but with less training? Obsessed with Call of Duty? Wanna fight a war without having to ever go to war? Join ICE today! This ain't your granddaddy's Klan. We've got a recruitment bonus and retirement plan. 🇺🇸

If we have to have a dictator, could we at least get a cute one? Even Kim Jung Un's got a baby face, and young Stalin was a smoke show.

Sticks and stones may break our bones, but slurs will get your ass beat

I feel like I should be given the day of from work 🤔 Let me grab one of these folding chairs and discuss it with HR

August 5th is the anniversary of a bunch of racists attempting to gang up against a defenseless Black man attempting to do his job. Those yt people quickly discovered that times have changed. I just want y'all to know, I own multiple folding chairs. Please, move accordingly.

Displays of unexamined #toxicmasculinity doesn’t make you a #dom. Sorry your misogyny isn’t our #kink..

How're men gonna call women liars for wearing makeup when they grow beards to hide their lack of a face?

There’s so many reasons to listen! Are you Darla: the romantic? Dashiell: stand up comedy fan? Zoey: super into booty holes?

I want to do my own Jubilee debate: Exhausted Trans Woman Debates 20 Transphobes Every time someone says something transphobic, we take them out back and gang stomp them. It'll be highly educational.

I want *you* to be happy & content

I spoke to billionaires, CEOs, bankers, models, celebrities, scientists, a Kennedy... I sat on my couch and phoned up royalty, spoke to ambassadors, irritated a senior adviser at Blackstone, and left squeaky voicemails for what must constitute a considerable percentage of the world oligarchy.

CW: Not even slightly humble brag It's finally happened, y'all. Y'girl's got too much @$$ & t¡dd¥. I'm at a point, now, where I wish I could donate some of this back to the community. It's an unnecessary amount for my lifestyle & wardrobe.

I'm reminding myself (and anyone else around my age) that young people have every right to be overly passionate about one very specific niche issue or topic. Yes, the older we get, the more we recognize the patterns repeating, but every rodeo is someone's first.

Anytime I see someone prettier than myself, I think, "Damn. I bet men say the weirdest shit to her."

Abducted by Ice’: the haunting missing-person posters plastered across LA