Surprise of the day: the two young ones have started chanting WH Auden. Yes, there’s a rhyming chant in my house, about a train delivering postal communications. Don’t you worry, people in the shop on the corner (and the girl next door), because the kids have got your back.

If you were to ask me, ‘what boat would you be?’ There would be no hesitation at all. I would be a tugboat. (I don’t like how filthy that sounds. Tugboats are great! They help the big boats get into harbour!) Even that sounds rude. I have been on the Internet too long. Save me.

Arty narration: Woodcut of lounging hippopotami, in a muddy pool. Circa 1968.

omg everybody go draw a horse this is what the internet was made for gradient.horse

Bluesky, the online shop, the bank, the government, my mother, I mean really, I literally don’t know any of my own passwords. I have so many scraps of paper that none of them mean anything. I’m in a whirlwind of insecure security. Save me.

Monday.

I made a resolution for the year, to notice sunsets each day. The beauty of the light changing, colours and so on. I have discovered that sunsets where I am, are white/grey skies going blue, followed by darkness. Not a red, yellow, orange or pink to be seen. This is why resolutions are a bad idea.

Evenin’

Nine sneezes and counting #goodmorning

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I found some new jelly babies.

I was so cross for Ura! We have only just got by the November photos of the top of Ono’s foot on the clay against Aonishki, and then this happens. I love Onosato, but come on - acknowledge the man loses sometimes… it undermines him to constantly be said as ‘winning’ when he has lost.

Just learned that clam chowder is not a thing. Clam chowder it turns out, is many things (no doubt all of which can be tasty). Let the (non USA or otherwise clam-experienced diner) buyer beware. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clam_ch...

This makes me weep with laughter every time I see it

No new pictures where are you mentally?

I am now 150% jelly baby. Oopsie.

In my 20s i thought i was soo sophisticated, because I liked dark chocolate, black coffee and various other things like certain films and music. I am much older now, and I still prefer dark chocolate and black coffee - but it all falls apart if you present me with a packet of jelly babies.

Oh my god. Open it, click thru until you see it, and then keep going at least another eight photos

Family nagged me for years to get hearing aids. Finally gave in and have spent the last two days oiling every creaky door in the house. Oh, and those silent but deadly farts I've been dropping out everywhere I go; they're high pitched squeakers.

Im sorry these images made it look like a Wes Anderson scene where they knock down the town hall only to reveal a smaller one inside

My friends in Austria sent this and I can't stop watching...wait for the end. 🤗💜

I've been lucky to have had the opportunity to photograph great gray owls many times, but this moment was really special. #birds 🌿

Ok, but that also sounds like the set up for a joke. Me and my buddies; shawl, huge blanket and hot water bottle…

Sitting on the sofa with a shawl, a huge blanket and a hot water bottle. #sexy

Freezing icy fog rolling in from the marshes tonight. The ground is all crystal silver with a heavy frost, and the air is a sort of shimmery grey/white where the fog and nighttime are mixing together in the street lights. Very pretty.

Just brushed my teeth with a new toothbrush. Forget New Year, new start - it’s broke, old fashioned and bound to failure. This here, shiny blue and white toothbrush, is the fresh new start we all seek. Only winning is possible from now on.

Starlings in their fleecy slippers #Shetland #snow

Don’t tell me I am not cool. I know all the words to the Twelve Days of Christmas and Merry Christmas Everyone. 🔥

Introduce yourself with the last 5 concerts you saw: - The smallest child’s Christmas concert - The larger child’s Christmas concert - One of the children’s concert (I forget which) - The Breeders - Some sort of 80s reunion involving Go West or Duran Duran.

Hello! It’s been a while! Happy new year!

Sitting here the outside temp is -4°C. I just pointed the temperature gun thing, (some of you might call it a thermometer, so dull), at the room and it said 2°C. I then pointed it at our little fire, and no word of a lie-the batteries popped out like they couldn’t handle it. The INFERNO!

Look, I am about to go to bed and I really don’t want to upset anyone, but the *interesting* Yokozuna is currently actually in the air flying to London and I am not sure if I can sleep. (I will try to sleep) #sumo

Goodness me. Del Amitri did exist. Well, what about that.

It turns out that I want to try black raspberries. Envious of those of you who have them grow like blackberries.

Light is coming up. I should go to bed. Has someone remembered to turn down the humidity?

Obliterating a horrendous week by eating hummus, drinking wine and listening to a random YouTube stream of music. Currently on Fleetwood Mac’s The Chain. Things could be worse. #DummDadadaadadadaadaDumDum

Update: had a hospital appointment today Outcome: attended hospital appointment. Only one hour early. Results: all in good time. An opportunity to practice patients Sorry, no, patience. Easy mistake to make. Other messages: hope everyone is well and happy.

Just did a huge sobbing dictation to close family to explain a current situation, and the phone somehow made up a totally different message that I can’t even begin to edit (like who was it even listening to?). So I just deleted all. That’s annoying. I nearly communicated with people. Oh well.

You know what I object to really strongly. Like really really strongly? Wade Garrett (Sam Elliott) dying. Hair like that should not die. #Roadhouse

Diggerland! www.diggerland.com/rides-and-dr...

Stumbled across the 2005 Pride & Prejudice film on TV tonight. Sponsored by sledgehammers, sadness and the colour blue/grey. Nowhere in the building; humour, lightness of touch, characters you rooted for. Yikes.

How your email finds me.

Huge cave system discovered under the Forest of Dean www.theforester.co.uk/news/cave-sy...

We have 26 eggs. Omelettes for everyone!

Oh! Today’s victory? We completely forgot to amend the holding order for tomorrow’s groceries. The next week’s food may be unorthodox.

I will not rest until I find this. It may be a life and death situation.

“Am I the only one/Is it just me that” Yes! It really is only you! No one else thinks that fish like water, or that bears tend not to have residential plumbing facilities. Just you, the outlier.

FFS, Warburtons - it’s 2025! The phrase is “plus-size women”.

Cold Tangerine.

The television has suddenly started playing Brotherhood of Man at me. How do I switch it off? Oh God, I can’t find the switch. I’m going to have to blow up the house.

Vanessa Paradis' manager, head in hands: "no, no, mes amis, you are going to have to rewrite this if we are to get on Radio 1"