It's September, and all of us are like

Sorry, lady. You want grandkids, I want you to go therapy to learn that your happiness is your own responsibility; we all want something we’ll never get 🤷

At my aunt’s 80th bday celebration today, my cousin and his wife announced that they’re pregnant and my mother burst into tears and shouted “NEXT” and pointed to us and made everyone super uncomfortable, 5/5 stars, highly recommended 🫩

Come what may, #AdamDriver taking my tiny phone in his meaty oven mitt hands and scrunching slightly to take a photo of us is a top 10 life moment. Maybe top 5 if I’m pressed (or ovulating).

So not cool for #PedroPascal to be everywhere I turn while I’m ovulating. They couldn’t have dropped all this press a week or two ago? Damn. I’m playing with fire here.

They shut down my town’s Main Street bc they’re “filming a movie” and my silly ass convinced myself it was #PaperTiger so I walked the half mile to check it out. Alas; a Netflix movie with Kevin Hart. But just in case they lied here are some pics of the set, let’s play wheres Waldo like the 🤡 we are

Nation Boards Up Windows, Retreats To Cellar As Lena Dunham Reenters News Cycle theonion.com/nation-...

It’s a beautiful day in the NY/NJ area, I hope #AdamDriver is having an easier time shooting #PaperTiger in the reduced humidity and slightly lower temps 🫶🏻

Time for my monthly soapbox post: GET OFF TWITTER PLEASE JFC YOURE EMBARRASSING ME HERE! if h*tler owned a social network you’d have used it??? CHRIST!

Hahahahahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahhahahahahaahahaaaahahahahhaaaaa

Eating a hot dog in the cheap seats at a baseball game with tears in my eyes, in complete awe, bathed in the light of realization and whispering “I get it now,” like Frank watching Mac dance in Mac Finds His Pride. I get it now. Hot dogs at a baseball game are incredible.

No Context Materialists:

On Juneteenth, we celebrate freedom and recommit ourselves to the work that remains undone. We remember that even in the darkest hours, there is cause to hope for tomorrow’s light.

While we gape in horror at the battle of the micro penises, remember how we’ve been told women are too emotional to be leaders.

god I am living for these not-zees tearing each other apart publicly let there be NOTHING LEFT

this is like drake and kendrick lamar but they're both drake

Pedro Pascal said therapy and medication are valid forms of self care 🩷

Guys I just realized the muppets are wearing TINY FORMAL WEAR 🥹

L O R G E #adamdriver #holdontomedarling

Fic idea (semi-inspired by real life): Rey gets WAY too high on her weekly Weed Walk and approaches Amazon guy Kylo for a ride one block back to her house bc she can’t remember where it is but she knows the number. She invites him in to share her stash and they DoorDash $150 of munchies.

Watched Beau is Afraid and Rumours back to back. Ari Aster, are you okay? Also if you make me look at Joaquin Phoenix’s ballsack ever again, it’s over. Eddington had better not feature even ONE ball. I’m not playing.

Fitting that today I’m taking the bus into work (bc of the train engineer strike) 🚏

After so many years, it finally happened: I missed my subway stop bc I was busy reading fic. Does that make me an official New Yorker? 😩🫠

A group of crows moved into our neighborhood trees and now I will spend the next god-knows-how-long waiting on my back patio with a bowl of nuts and dried fruit to earn their friendship 🐦‍⬛

People talk about how great it is to be in the office, meanwhile I would shrivel up into a husk of myself if I had to put on a bra more than one day at a time.

My lilacs are blooming and smell delicious, just like I remember at my grandma’s house in the 80s 💜

Usually not a fan of being cat called but I’ve gained some depression weight and am not being very nice to myself about it, and while gardening this morning, the lovely man that strolls our neighborhood smoking a big joint gave me a “Got-DAMN!” and well 💅

Already planning what edibles to take when me & bestie see this in June. Going to the dispensary like a sommelier, “What pairs well with #PedroPascal purring about the galaxy for 20 minutes? I’m thinking something horny yet a little couchy, a sativa-leaning hybrid perhaps?” youtu.be/a4j9GvmpZtU

OMG THE DUCK TAPE SHIRT I didn’t know it had all that on the back, ASK FOR CLYDE 🥹🥹🥹🥹 @superyakishop.bsky.social has done it again, this time with my favorite film ever. This Clyde Logan stan is one happy duckling!! #adamdriver #clydelogan

happy andor day to all who celebrate 🙂‍↕️

Quick question: is he trying to fucken kill us?? 😳

Gonna tell my kids that this was Donald Trump and Elon Musk

SECRETARY (2002) dir: Steven Shainberg

You know how they show clips of the best picture nominees during the Oscars? In last nights melatonin dream, they were live reenactments I was acting in. Adam Driver was in a scene with me and when he learned I had no prep time he tucked me under his arm and took me to his private after party.

Jessica Chastain out here collecting smokin hot dilf costars like infinity stones

Ran past a lawn sign today that said “New York is Tr*** Country” Reader, this is New Jersey. And they want to abolish the department of education 🤣

Took an edible then called the cable company to cancel our Internet service, let’s see if I accomplish this mission before it kicks in

Are- - are those pickles?

the kind of support you need on international women’s day

Bluesky is a great site but you have to unlearn EVERYTHING Twitter has ever taught you to make it useable. Repost yourself. Interact with others. Use tags. Use feeds. Be kind and find kindness. Comment away. It's really really freeing.

my favorite gondola

I looked up a rock star I have a crush on and google RUDELY informed me that he is now 60 years old and my vagina didn’t know whether to clam up or purr being in your 40s is wild

ADAM REHEARSING PARNASSUS FOR SNL aaaaaaah

Folks still on Twitter bc of “community”: If you and your friends were at a house party and the host made a NAZI SALUTE? YOU’D LEAVE. Full stop. “staying to change it from the inside” is BS. Your engagement there puts money in his pocket & funds the destabilization of our country.

When I die, bake my ashes into a brick and smash me into the face of a fascist

I sincerely don’t know why people aren’t physically stopping those dorks. Move shit. Lock doors. Lose the keys. Everyone switch seats. Turn off all the lights. Switch the signs on the elevator lobby. Make the settings all silly. Use a different language. Wear costumes. Fill rooms with balloons

Fanfic and 10mg edibles are the only two things keeping me sane right now I swear to Adam Driver

Surreal to have to do my stupid little job like my country is not being slowly and systematically overtaken by fascists. Like at what point is it not a political issue but a human one that I can bring up at work? The existential dread is really starting to impact my ability to focus.