Big comfy coochie? Big coochie couch?

My wife thinks I have a thing for Sabrina Carpenter because I keep tweeting about her spitting in my mouth and sticking her feet in my mouth and peeing on me and sitting her butt on my face and slapping me and tying me up and pulling my hair and f

Untenable? No dude I said unTENETable, we can't keep going back and forth like this smh

goth clown muscle mommy velma foot piss spit

Oh no what if my wife and her friends ganged up on me bullied me and pushed me to the ground and sat on me and peed on me and spit on me and milked me oh no that would be so bad I hope it never ever happens i better knock on wood

Gosh golly gee whiz that booty do be bonkers, ma'am

Sitting on a hard bench until my dick goes numb and then jerking off so that it feels like I'm jerking off someone else

To be clear this is never successful. I always dream about getting lost in a mall looking for a bathroom, becoming increasingly desperate as the building turns more maze-like and bizarre at every turn while the patrons all look at me like I'm crazy and their faces turn grotesque.

Bro who else out here tryna have dreams of Hilary Duff and Vanessa Hudgens pressing their pregnant, engorged, milk-filled bosoms together?

Watching this 90s rudolph cartoon and the villain has some crazy big yonkers

I was in the top 5% of jerkin' offers in 2025

Holy shmoly where you get those boobs, girl? From the boob store? Wow they picked you out a great pair. What great service they have! Oh, and fairly priced you say? Well they're downright spiffy if I do say so. Well, good day! I'll see you around! Say hello to your mom and them!

dogs respect me because i eat dinner vigorously

I don't care what gen z says I'm not wearing any goddamn quarter zip, you can pry my chunky cardigan I got at forever 21 in 2013 out of my cold dead hands

Poor hipster in 2010 who can't afford new pants until next year: come on skinny jeans just last the year

Sabrina Carpenter holding a camel crush with her toes and crushing the little thingy inside for me

Is bluesky a place where I can make suicide jokes or nah?

Trump and Biden are going to do that thing where they die two days apart like lifelong lovers

You know whats really hot? Breaking the chains put on us by the bourgeoisie and uniting the proletariat under our common struggle and utilizing our labor to help everyone everywhere meet their needs and eliminate hunger and illiteracy instead of enriching a select few old men😍🔥

Sleeping bottomless every night just in case my girl wants a midnight slurp 😏 (this has literally never worked)

Stranger Things will end with old Joyce retelling the events of the series to Jonathan and Nancy's kids and they won't believe it, and then she'll say "stranger things have happened" and they'll pan thru a snowstorm to the Upside Down and Will is still there giving hedges bowl cuts with scissorhands

Do British people say that stupid things are arsinine?

When LBJ said "the crotch, down where your nuts hang, is always a little too tight... see if you can't leave me about an inch from where the zipper ends round under back to my bunghole" I really felt that

Who are some small (sub 1k) accounts to follow on here. I want to recreate my ecosystem from the other site

Having one cold foot because you had to jerk it real quick

I have a fetish for getting my dick sucked by my beautiful wife 🙂

Was wondering why they don't make female urinals but then I remembered I already exist 🙂

slowly sucking in my gut while I pee so it looks like I'm deflating. all the other guys at the urinal trough hooting and hollering like I'm David Blaine. guy in the stall is trying to shit faster cuz he knows he's missing out on something but he's not sure what

The thing about bluesky is that my wife isn't on here so I can talk all I want about how much I love her and crave her and need her 24/7 and she won't get embarrassed

You'd think I'd be happy that I no longer hear my skeleton nephew clattering at the end of his tether. Well I'm not. I'm frightened.

Does anybody know if there's a movie where Anne Hathaway is pregnant and nude and perhaps lactating? Just curious! Thanks in advance

I may be wrong but if English were constructed like Spanish you would say "I have a lot of horny" and I think that's beautiful

this is the most 8:30 PM a 6:15 PM has felt in a long time

😏

Idk why this is my camera roll rn

Oh suddenly it's a crime to ask my wife if she's seen her friends boobs and if she can describe them and include the shape, size, color and approximate positioning of their nipples?!

Sitting down to pee is actually kind of luxurious don't let Big Masculinity™ try to convince you otherwise

Godspeed brother 🙏

Someone told me I had two noias? Like a pair of them? A pair of noias? Idk what that is but I'm freaking out now what did they mean

Becoming a lover not a fighter but as a bit

Perfecting my Grover voice so that when I get a job as a waiter I have an excuse to be bad, it's all a bit!

This website sucks I haven't seen one picture of Sabrina Carpenter's feet yet

Does anyone know where on this site I can find photos of Florence Pugh's feet? Just curious 🙂

One thing that I do appreciate about this app is the specific feed for mutuals. That's very nice 🙂

Now that twitters down again I've returned to bluesky and I wonder if people here care about my opinion on Sabrina Carpenter's feet

Putting up an extra tall flag pole so I can put my flag at double mast

Every now and then I remember Patricia Arquette in Lost Highway

I haven't listened to the new Sabrina Carpenter album but I'm sure it's fantastic 10/10 would let her step on me

Babe I swear I didn't put that bisexual mmf alt ebony bbw porn on my phone I just tripped and accidentally hit that button and then I got scared and fell out of my chair and when I was trying to get up my pants slipped off and I