Other ides: — A home-surveillance company named “Polyphemus” — A landscaping company named “Sisyphus” — An online family therapy app called “Oedipus”

I was born in 1986 and this guy could play my dad in a movie. Look at those JOWELS.

“Did the Me Too movement go too far?” I ask myself as I read old emails between the nation’s most powerful men making thinly veiled edgelord jokes about raping underage girls. I am a pundit on CNN.

It really sucks finding out in the last year of my 30s that literally the only way for my body and brain to function even semi-normally on a day-to-day basis is to exercise 4-5 days a week because I might hate exercise more than I do being in pain and insane.

The only explanation for attacking like HIS WHOLE BASE is that Petey Boy here can’t grow a beard and he’s mad about it.

James Bond Multiverse has anyone tried that yet?

Ooooh man I’m so mad this morning

We’re gonna eat you. With forks.

Called Kaine and Warner both tonight begging each not to vote for the CR, figuring one would take cover for the other. Turns out it was Kaine for Warner. I’m a freelancer so my insurance is likely fucked. But beyond that the lack of a spine to stay in the fight it was gets me the most.

if you genuinely think Schumer and Democratic leadership opposed this & Republicans coincidentally got exactly the number of votes they needed to avoid a filibuster and none of those votes are from Democratic Senators who are up for reelection in the midterms next year, I have a bridge to sell you.

i don't think democratic voters should have to spend this much time whipping democratic elected officials.

Nuremburg trials is the moderate position

I’ve been thinning about this a lot. A very “fun’s over, let’s get to work!” (necessary) reality. I DESPISE incrementalism as the end-goal, it’s the single-biggest issue I have with the current party establishment. But as a means it could be inspiring. Small steps towards a more perfect world.

Lord give my parents the capability to evolve like Comrade Kristol here.

He thinks a Costco Card is an ID I’m not even joking. He saw a Fox News segment on grocery prices with B roll footage of the Costco entryway and now he thinks everyone has to show ID at the grocery store.

New dem 2028 presidential campaign message just dropped.

Hey I think maybe these people need to go to prison or worse.

Hey taxpayers were trying to take your jobs away please give us money to help us do that.

I do not care if this keeps me from getting another job with these bozos. I pretty much got fired for repeatedly sounding the alarm about AI instead of nodding and smiling each time a CMO told me “we’re pivoting to being an AI first company” and would instead say “how is that going to work?”

My career the last 4-6 years has been working with big time tech CEOs in an advisory measure for both business and branding. They are every bit as clueless about AI as you think they are. And they have doubled down multiple times. They will ride AI to their companies’ graves.

The “popular with friends” tab is sparse today because I’m pretty sure half of Bluesky is hungover (congratulatory).

“I dunno man I like Mamdani’s politics but he basically just promised a bunch of things he won’t be able to do to get elected” See my thing about that is if that’s truly the case then why did a bunch of New York Billionaires piss their pants and light millions of dollars on fire tonight?

Hey so Virginia’s going to pick up 13 seats in the house bringing it to a 64/36 majority and Josh wanted to say that I’ll be using this news my own personal permission to lib out.

At this point, anyone—a university, a law firm, a corporation, a Democrat—bending the knee to Trump is doing it because they want to, not because of any political reality.

Watching Jeopardy in Virginia for the first time in months without hearing Earle-Sears’ “I AM SPEAKING” sound bite and I’ve never truly understood what peace was until now.

This to me is the game. I don’t care if Schumer doesn’t like Mamdani, but for him to stand silently by while sex pest Cuomo leans into gutter racism and Islamophobia while accepting endorsements from Trump, Musk and Miller is outrageous from the Senate Minority Leader.

We need an expert in Subway sandwich packing. Get a Sandwich Artist™️ on the witness stand ASAP. We need to know how many lbs of force is required to crack the integrity of a footlong. Bring in the punchometer from the Rocky IV training montage if you have to.

Can’t stop laughing at this

DAMN Nike making me second guess my decision to leave advertising with that Dodgers spot.

(Really wanted the Jays to do it but what an incredible series)

I really really missed sports Twitter this has been fantastic.

Fucking romantic.

The new Warfare lyrics are bullshit I reject them outright BE GONE.

I’m not a baseball guy. I’m not a baseball guy. I’m not a baseball guy. I’m not a baseball guy. I’m not a baseball guy. I’m not a baseball guy. I’m not a baseball guy. I’m not a baseball guy. I’m not a baseball guy. I’m not a baseball guy. I’m not a baseball guy. I’m not a baseball guy. I’m not a ba

Welcome to Ballsky.

Something something something baseball thriving during the attempted destruction of the American experiment or something.

I’ve got three beers I can strap in let’s do this Sundays aren’t even real anyway.

Holy shit that 9th inning had it all.

Bro real life is lowkey insane sometimes.

The best part of streaming is when one of your friends has cable and spoils everything in the group chat I love the internet.

Absolutely not. There’s no way. I won’t believe it.

If I were The Dodgers I don’t think I’d let the bases get loaded lol silly The Dodgers.

Oh hell yeah baseball rules.

I’m kidding it fucking ruled best times of my life but also dude wtf is going on we look like ass-flavored ass.

Why did I go to Virginia Tech? No one but a sadist could tell you. Trust me. It sucks!

Virginia Tech is for people who love to hate their favorite thing.

Virginia tech football is a dangerous thing to follow.

Lehman Brothers any% glitchless