Dandelion tea is changing me, why didn’t I know about this before?

Hard enough to crack a croconut

A hundred pounds for your cow trotter powder

If the PM reckons Jim Ratcliffe should apologise for spreading this exact same lie, should the Home Office apologise too, or? 🤨

Sam Bankman-Cooked

No one has ever Set a theme on a message thread On fucking purpose

Oh Christ, now I don’t have the option to lose the insane thought, it just stays in fucking drafts, staring back at me like a slimy toad that shat in my brain

Oh no I accidentally answered someone’s Facebook story with one of the suggested bits of patter so now I have to delete my account

Bad bunny is the hottest artist in the world while the “right wing response” headliner is so washed up he couldn’t even lip sync correctly to his song that talks about “chicks with beepers.” That whole thing was so monumentally embarrassing I don’t understand how they haven’t killed themselves yet

I just ordered a piece of bacon in a roll for a change and my god how salty do you need this to be

No you misunderstand, I don’t want to look at ANYTHING on your phone, I just want to you show you things on mine

Back to the daily puzzle of “which app deleted in my pocket to move that to there?”

Authoritarian systems overstretch themselves

I hyped the shit out of that video

What if instead of instant gratification we had predictive gratification

Why are there so many Demons with power?

They Mayans were right. The world ended at the end of 2012. Just nobody knew Hell was going to be so similar to life.

buggy, glitchy piece of shit apps

"I want everyone to understand that gender ideology and free speech cannot coexist"

💯💯- “That’s what the Epstein Files are: shit. Unredacted to antagonize the victims; redacted to protect the perpetrators; released in a slow drip to acclimatize people to horror; released in an enormous drop to overwhelm people with fear.”

I thought Tulsi hadn’t done anything insane for a few weeks

I ate some more wormwood just to feel my teeth ache

I need to remember to drink more whisky before reading the news

Only really secure and stable people gravitate towards those who encourage them to ramble incoherently, uninterrupted

🚨Leaked Israeli documents reveal the British army’s 77th brigade held secret exchanges with the IDF. The 77th brigade specialises in psychological operations including online propaganda activities. www.declassifieduk.org/uk-psycholog...

There have been 5 major times when when 75% of all species have vanished within a geologically short period of time and jellyfish have come out laughing on the other side of every attempt, mass extinction vs jellyfish is the CIA vs Castro of Life.

Just ask me what ads I want for the love of fuck

Crazy how following the news now is just more and more granular detail about exactly how much of a violent pedophile is the president of the USA

remember when the panama papers came out and we found out every rich person on earth was committing tax fraud and then nothing happened

Prescient 1948 patter from Wilhelm Reich

hurt my leg - How? (In my twenties) I jumped off the top of a fence to bulldog my pal and landed in a pile of broken bottles (In my forties) I turned around

Don’t be acting all fierce Just because the granola made your teeth feel sharp

The Empire Shitposts Back

I’s just like a manic episode to last for 5 years again, is that so much to ask?

Gaspard seems like a sound wee rabbit

Oh no Chuck Schumer chucks it

I’ve collected the webs of several spiders, send a self-addressed envelope to receive them to your location

Searching eBay for “soup for my family guy’s balaclava”

Guy behind the counter of the vape shop visibly regretting every choice which led him there

They say a change is as good as a holiday and yet here I am, changing my underwear nearly every day

I’m bringin vexy back Uh huh

Can I wear my Morpheus jacket for the period drama please

Anger is temporary Kindness is permanent Those who can only deal in anger can never do so for very long

The content mines?! I’ve never even set foot in the content orchard

americans hate it when they're shown on tv doing something cool

WHITE PEOPLE are still missing the point😒 Pretti and Good were shot weeks after this man. I hear ZERO WHITE PEOPLE including his name🤬 He has children❤️ His GoFundMe hasn't met its threshold🤑 White man or woman over a MILLION in days😒 THIS is why BLACK PEOPLE aren't fucking with you.

"Unitary Executive for everything except responsibilities"

Never forget that the reason they are so convinced you’re all getting paid is that they are all getting paid.