Words to live by.

don’t sleep on camel suet, people. next big thing according to the podcast just after joe rogan on spotify

The fact they treat prompt writing as a coveted skill is such a tragic self-own and they don’t even get it. Society is being pressed through cheesecloth by illiterati.

JJW’s top 5 health hacks 1. Apple Cider Vinegar bath 3+ hours a day 2. Daily caloric intake mainly from tallow, lard, schmaltz, or camel suet. 3. Keep a Himalayan Salt Lamp to lick for extra electrolytes (also handy if you get stuck in the dark) 4. Colloidal carbs 5. Leeches. Lots of leeches

dumb thing about bluesky is you can’t blame the algorithm when a post you thought was absolute genius gets one limp like as the aural hallucination of the sound of crickets slowly morphs into a crowd chanting “you’re irrelevant” haha

The only philosopher worth caring about is Albert Camus. The main reason for my opinion is that an anagram of his name is “macabre slut” which, when you think about it, totally would have been his Discord username had he lived into the 2020s.

That’s the promise here at not a grift dot com

This guy makes ChatGPT have a stroke

I promise to use a significant amount of the money any publication paid me to write book reviews to buy a shit tonne of psilocybin mushrooms and write a version of a best books list that is entirely hallucinated.

If anyone wants to pay me to read books or factcheck their lists of books, I read between 40-50 books a year (humblebrag) so could do both.

Love when someone is mentioned in another persons post and you vaguely recall them from Twitter (derogatory) and you go to check to see if you already blocked them and this happens:

One more because you’ve all been good little kittens and it’s been a rough year.

Here’s another work story thread to get you through Boxing Day

I think that might’ve been the least stressful Christmas of my life.

Scribble Face’s first Christmas and he’s not appreciating the espresso machine Santigold got him.

HB @davidfarrier.com!

My partner and I have decided to not tell our child about Santa Claus for ethical reasons. We will, however, promote the idea the artist Santigold delivers them presents every year. open.spotify.com/track/7d23Mh...

Just a little drawing in my sketchbook of Santa reading Kropotkin, pen and ink on paper. I hope you are having a good holidays.

Fun fact: the original Saint Nick once resurrected some kids who a butcher had killed and pickled to sell as mystery meat during a famine.

Merry Christmas kiwi cunce

Everyone talks about cancel culture, no one talks about subscribe culture. To find out more, head to notagrift.com to sign up for emails.

If you somehow missed me spamming this thread, it might give you a chuckle as you wait for Santa ✌️

All I want for Christmas is an edit button

Happy lie to your children about an isolated slave owning guy who watches kids year round, judges them, and then breaks into your house to leave a market signal of your child’s value eve to those who celebrate.

Here’s another last minute christmas gift idea for me if you still haven’t gotten me a present: www.science.org/doi/10.1126/...

"The miracle of birth is so incredibly beautiful to behold. Do you know the only thing that could make it better? Percussion. Nothing calms one’s stress and eases the pain of delivering a baby more than a little boy standing nearby absolutely shredding on his drum."

Whenever anyone says my posts about former colleagues / workplaces are the hallucinations of a solvent abusing deranged guy who looks like the love child of Tintin and Captain Haddock and they couldn’t possibly be true they’re so surreal and unbelievable, remember this 👇

The only part of this I'm struggling to swallow is that the supermarket I'm assuming this took place in made their own sausages, even as far back as during the dark and terrible reign of Tomanaki.

This is well worth the read

Barnaby’s corpse just rolled in its watery grave.

Ok did not have Billy Connolly, honeydew melon and duct tape on today's bingo card, let alone the same sentence. Fantastic, thank you.

Something to brighten your Christmas

“Real” “life”

Magnificent. Love your 100% factually accurate work stories - and this is one of the finest and most factually accurate.

For Christmas I want a 32 megajoule rail gun.

i see a lot of people, frustrated with tech, wanting to "go analog" or give up on tech. i totally get it! a lot of tech we use right now sucks. but my 2026 wish/resolution is to put more energy towards figuring out how we can wrest control of tech from a powerful few and find ways to use it for good

Tale as old as time really

Wouldn’t be the weirdest thing that has ever happened in NZ.

Oh Bari Weiss not Barry White. I was so confused.

Epic story unfolds. 🧵

a very klingon festivus

Quite a story! 🧵

To all the people saying this can’t possibly be true, have you never heard of Christmas miracles?

Merry Christmas everyone 🎅🏿🤶🏽🎄🦌🎁☃️🦧

When the snowman brings the snow:

This quote will also go on the jacket cover when this very valuable IP is published as a collection of short stories.

I have a chest infection. It is not fun. The can of CRC 5-56 I’ve been directed to insufflate really hasn’t helped.

I reiterate that *all* these stories are 100% factually true. All of them. Every single detail.

This quote will be prominently featured on the jacket of my collection of short stories (when someone offers me a publishing deal. Please. Someone. Anyone).

It’s factually correct but not linguistically. I have failed you all, rob particularly, and Billy specifically. I’ll fix this when someone gives me a book deal to publish all these stories.