Your buddy after he accepts your bet to jump in the reflecting pool

Huge if true

What a weirdo

Do you know how wild it is to go to UConn and hit the best shot in school history

This is the kind of reporting I need

“He scored 100?” “Yep” “Is there video?” “No” “Was a beat reporter there?” “Also no” “Surely there was newspaper coverage?” “Not really” “I heard there was a radio clip?” “Partial game and it got the score wrong” “Were the last eight minutes a farce designed to pump the alleged score” “That’s true”

Bam Adebayo just broke the NBA scoring record unless you’re a small child who still believes in the story of Wilt’s 100 point game

I laughed

Technically this is as high as is allowed under the authority he’s claiming. If anything the surprise is that he didn’t max it out yesterday, but my guess is that someone told him in the day since what the actual limit was so he said let’s do that instead.

FYI: The little boy in Bad Bunny's #SuperBowl halftime show wasn't Liam Ramos as some have said, it was a child actor: Lincoln Fox www.instagram.com/the_lincfox/...

NOT FRED DURST!!!!

Probably lucky he got tackled cuz she looked ready to beat his ass

Tough business

Every Caleb Williams play

Everything I need to know I learned from wrestling. For example, in 1988 Andre the Giant won the WWF Championship but was subsequently coerced into handing the belt over to the “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase. (1/3)

I think it’s far more likely that the ICE agent is a featured guest at the State of the Union than it is that he faces criminal charges

It’s so fun to be able to say truthful things like “I’m living at the same time as the best Chicago Bears quarterback since they invented the can opener”

BIG GUY TOUCHDOWN!!!

“Indiana is leading Alabama in the Rose Bowl” is a statement that was historically reserved for yelling at your little brother as he reached for the reset button on the PS2.

I’ll bet

Tonight I’m proud to announce that I have reduced my use of made up statistics by over 600%.

“Words fail me when I read that Alex Kleytman, an 87-year-old Ukrainian Holocaust survivor, was celebrating Hanukkah at Bondi Beach with his wife of 57 years, also a Holocaust survivor. He was killed while shielding Larisa from the bullets with his own body.” www.thebulwark.com/p/shock-horr...

UConn ends its regular season 10-1 and now begins its 20-game preseason. Yes it is weird that it is backward with that many preseason games but I’m not the one who built the other 10 Big East teams

You don’t say

If Joe Biden something something…

🎵 “Join Ice” - @wellesmusic on Colbert

She’s running (for President)

!!!

Hard to argue

UConn wouldn’t pay AJ Dybantsa the $7m he wanted but we did give him a nice gift by turning that 7 upside down

Hey @noescalators.bsky.social UConn has 69 points before their opponents, what does that mean?

Oh. Well in that case…

Imagine having JEFFREY EPSTEIN be like, “Whoa, now that dude is bad news”

Imagine if Dems in the Senate hadn't caved. The House wouldn't be in session rn, the discharge petition wouldn't be signed, people wouldn't have SNAP, govt workers would be RIF'd & the GOP would have some decent talking points. But also online rage addicts would be happier! YMMV!

Something absolutely perfect about Larry Summers riffing about the scourge of woke cancel culture being unfair to predatory men in a friendly email to his pal JEFFREY EPSTEIN.

Big win for me -- I had the over on 1,000 thanks to a hot tip from my guy in Ankara!

This sounds like someone completing a Mad Lib

Evergreen post. Just pin it to the top of the profile forever.

Of course

This was all about the filibuster.

I had predicted they’d cave after a week because they had no cards. That the activists got the moderates to wait this long is a credit to their political strength, even if I fundamentally disagree with their hostage-taking approach.

I think they did the right thing

Spoiler alert: that was going to happen anyway

Give me a break. None of those wins you got last week changed the makeup of Congress. You can’t get what you want out of the minority, so use the messaging wins you got here and try to actually win some Congressional elections.

💯

There is zero excuse for police, in a free society, to wear a mask. Cowards