it's really a shame what AI summaries are doing to internet culture

Is Werner Herzog on Cameo? Because I really need to hear him do a dramatic reading of the lyrics to The Christmas Song. “Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow will find it hard to sleep tonight“ would be worth the price of admission on its own

This dentist office will legit turn u white for free

If you see this, post a random image from your device

the life that thick thighs save may be your own

If you see this, post a picture from whatever device you're using without explanation.

This is the face of a regionally specific demon of European folklore who comes to your home and takes your firstborn if you don't have any suet or lard to feed him

brb gonna embroider EAT MY FAT HAIRY TURDS, SEAN DUFFY on a snuggie

i bet his flopsweat looks like movie theater butter

quick, build more data centers so the robots can find out why it's happening

Some people call me the space cowboy, some call me

[clerk at the comptroller’s office] What’s the business address, sir? [me, sweating profusely, registering a fake business] uhhhhhh

I upgraded to a new phone recently, and the thumbnails for my iTunes playlists seem a bit... off

[whispers] Crunchatize me Cap'n

When I was younger I thought Seth Green and Jamie Kennedy were the same person and then I saw Enemy of the State and lost my fucking mind

knew this would come in handy someday 😏

transition music in a metroid sitcom

I went down an internet rabbit hole last night, and while reading the Wikipedia entry for Pauly Shore's "Biodome" (don't ask) I stumbled across this nugget

Just walked into my local Michaels in July and I dunno you guys, I’m beginning to think maybe private equity is not so good at running businesses

Sir. Sir, please. 😢 “Hunter” has too many associations with crooked Joe Biden. Please, sir. 🥺 Use a stronger word. “Predator.”

Cats have an unshakeable, inborn understanding of squatters' rights

A favorite Wodehouse trick, which I feel is under remarked, is playing with what you’re allowed to do in a text. Funny example from an early novel.

CITY TO CUOMO: DROP DEAD

Me receiving the news that @josephsmemecoat.bsky.social has gone another day without posting

hey do u guys remember when that plantation burned down

THIS VEHICLE DOES NOT

well this is not... a minor loss

Don’t send me an unsolicited picture of your peewee cocktapus unless you want me to… A: find your mom’s Facebook B: find a picture she uploaded of you reminiscing about what a nice young man you were C: badly photoshop that into a locket D: convince you I’m your daughter. Happy Father’s Day Daddy.

I've added a house rule for Slugbug/Punchbuggy: If you cause someone else to see a Cybertruck by drawing their attention to it, they get to punch you.

When reached for comment, the man Donald Trump shot in the middle of 5th Avenue said while he doesn't condone the president's actions, he does not regret his vote.

JESUS, ABOUT TO RIP A NASTY HUMMUS FART: get behind me satan

I made a thing, nerds

This account, @un-manuscripts.bsky.social, sucks ass and you should block them. This is a cruel and shitty thing to do to writers who have no power in the publishing world, done by a person with much more power. This is punching down and it sucks.

Life Coach: imagine your wildest creative dreams coming true in the next five years. Me: Me ripping open portal from the alternate future where Shiny Happy People was covered by Disturbed: WAH HAHAHAHA

she slopsquat on my large language model til i achieve singularity

weird that Black Friday is happening on a Monday in April this year

Here's an ad-free CNBC live feed if anyone's looking

I made this 5 years ago and... WELP

i think "an effective altruist is personally denying twenty million people their HIV medications despite a court order telling him to send the money" is a pretty good summary of effective altruism as a real world philosophy

I just sat bolt-upright with the worst idea for the name of a shitposting account: “Welcome to the #resistance, Henry Kissinger”

A big problem with American politics is that a third generation hvac company owner is seen as more working class than a teacher’s aide

a funny thing is that "Old Time Rock and Roll" was released in the late 1970s, so it's referencing "old time" music from like... 20-30 years prior, maybe? someone should update that song with nostalgia for that old time nu metal

if we staff ICE with Uvalde police officers, they'll never enter schools

Don't feed the trolls Force-feed the trolls Ethical foie gras, bingo bango

Just had my afternoon ruined by the sudden unshakable conviction that someone, somewhere has named their child “Cybertruck.”

I was told that when Saddam sent the families of the executed a bill for the cost of the bullet used that that was a Bad thing

This came with my health insurance card in the mail, and I'm saving it for the next time someone asks for a business card

My child asked why they’re called sloppy joes and I told her they were invented by Josef Stalin

2099 is a ways away, but ok unless they meant... no, they would've said