the nats leaving shadow cabinet finally lets some of the backbench libs move into the spotlight to shine. here's a few of the new faces: - racist small business owner - small business owner (racist) - free market fanatic (owns a racist small business) - sock with face drawn on (leadership potential)

i have to assume that people who like a sunday roast have simply not had any other meals on sunday

@grass.bsky.social does making your coffee the night before cause it to lose any flavour? or is it still good

mark carney's speech at davos: i have never seen a politician speak this way in my lifetime. you can see the world order shifting in real time

i thought having the ability to go back in time five minutes would be the best thing to wish for, but it turns out when you un-open the box with the cat in it, it goes back to being both dead and alive at the same time, and you can no longer reliably determine what will happen if you reopen the box

i think it would be great to sleep in a giant sausage roller, constantly being turned in your sleep for freshness

ceci n'est pas une hash pipe - le weezeur

c'est it ain't ça - le weezeur

MY CONCERNED FRIEND: what are you thinking about? ME, A LOOK OF SERIOUS CONSTERNATION ON MY FACE: interior crocodile alligator / i drive a chevrolet movie theater

everything reminds me of her

when does wet summer end naarm

i shouldn't eat dominos because it gives me acid reflux but it's just one of those irresistable comfort food treats. a couple antacid tablets after and i'm right as rain

∴｡　 　･ﾟ*｡. 　　･ *ﾟ 　 ･ ﾟ* ･｡ *･｡ *.｡ ｡･ °*. ﾟ｡ °*. ﾟ*. ｡｡ ･ ｡ ･ﾟ ｡°*. ｡*･｡

with every day that passes i grow more grateful that i was able to spend 3 months travelling the entire USA in 2023. i hope that they can get through this without major incident but i don't know if it will be the same next time i go. i'm certainly not going back before 2029

seems a bit redundant to shoot him when he's already dead. it's not like a dead man can fire a bow and arrow

[deep in the mine] why did my canary stop singing? eh, it's probably nothing

its been like a decade since my last tattoo and i just used to find tattoo artists that my friends used and visited them. but now none of my friends are getting tattooed. how to find good tattoo artists 🤔

real fucking tired of paying % surcharge based off whatever payment method i choose. this is australia, not america, roll it into your fucking pricing, don't shock me at the register

ME, COACHING JAZZ SCHOOL: are you nat king cole or jack king off?!

you want me to pay $17 for a toastie? you mean the thing that is just two slices of bread with like maybe some ham and cheese in between? and you want me to pay $17 for that? seventeen australian dollars for a toasted sandwich? in 2026?

the great thing about doing things yourself is that you quickly learn what idiot mistakes to avoid for the next time you try to do it. the unfortunate thing is sometimes you spend hundreds of dollars for the privilege

the obvious problem with ai using all the water is that water famously cannot be easily reused. once it's gone through a cooling pipe it disappears from the earth forever

i wanna ride my bike so bad but i'm waiting for the new spokes to arrive before i can rebuild my wheel 😩

The second paragraph took a while to process

honestly the best thing i learned in the last few years is that you don't *have* to shop anywhere in particular. if a business fucks you off, leave negative feedback so toxic that they are required to call and apologise. if they don't, never shop there again. it's as easy as that

tried to find a real steel sword but all they had were forged

people who drive too fast should harmlessly crash their car as some sort of karmic redistribution of justice, and people who drive too slow should have their licenses revoked until they play 400 hours of grand theft auto

cool carl (my poor aircon) is overwhelmed by today's heat but he's doing his best

tell ya what, not being a dog person is a real killer in the dating apps scene. where the cat ladies at

it's gotta happen soon

in high school we called this one kid "mushroom" because he had a bowl cut that looked like shit. now every teenage boy is mushroom

my uncle is going through a rough time entirely of his own creation and is making everyone watch his "poor me" act. i'm not saying anything mean about it but i sure am thinking it very loudly

i achieved a lot in 2025, it was a really good year for me. not many public achievements but plenty of private ones. hopefully 2026 is even better

having small, medium, and big goals is great because i know what i want to put my energy towards, but also, it's hard not to be daunted by the amount of work required

i have a love/hate relationship with being a regular at the servo. on the one hand i get goss and they know what i want, but on the other hand i am Known

rode the bay cycle path home and every spot south of st kilda beach is packed with people. it's so cold and windy! i'd have gone home by now (i was already going home from aborted nye plans so i guess i have a low tolerance)

its honestly a pretty big responsibility being the last person on the planet with any understanding of spatial awareness when out in public among a large group

i wish america wasn't turbo fucked because i would like to live there. maybe i will move to canada where the border agents are hot and don't search your van too thoroughly for contraband

what's with this winter ass summer

ME, COACHING BABY BASKETBALL: are you scotty pippin or potty skippin???

you're telling me a fish anded these chips?

we are encouraging people to spend more by lowering the cost of sandwiches and putting them in blind boxes, increasing the overall sandwich purchase rate by several points, and introducing a steady sandwich resale market

god i love cycling so much. i didn't realise how much i had been missing it until i bought my new ebike recently. now i'm doing almost 100km/week

a coffin with a screen on the inside that plays ads to your corpse forever

it's annoying that people just hate when you are fat and make it your problem. like sir i am just crossing the road, why are you yelling at me

Nobody. I do not think you can eat chair

i used to spend a lot of time wishing that i could go back to critical moments and make different choices. for a lot of reasons i no longer bother, but the biggest one is that it turns out that i really love my life, and the people in it, and i wouldn't have that if i had made "better" decisions

fucked up that you can just get a victorian driver's licence in cereal boxes now

the humble dim sim has no enemies